The Chemistry
by 26Chapters
Summary: When Bonnie loses her memories, she and Damon inevitably fall for each other.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1, **Never Going Back To Ok.**

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Five minutes ago, she sat down and she stretched her arms out in front of her, so that she could look at her hands. Five minutes later, she's still looking at her hands, and she's still expecting to find a reasonable answer as to why her magic suddenly came back.

While she has thought of possible reasons, they've all led her to the same conclusion, and that conclusion, she's not happy with. Never mind happy with, she _can't_ accept it to begin with.

The thing is, her relationship with Damon has always been clear from the beginning; she couldn't stand him, just like he couldn't stand her. And while they did work well together when the circumstances forced them to, that was as deep as their tolerance of each other went. Which is why, the sudden appearance of her magic needs to have _any other_ explanation, than the idea that it came back –ultimately- to save Damon from being hurt.

Sure, she got used to Damon being around in the four months that they've been here in this world. And sure, she's put up with him and he with her, but she doesn't believe that there's an actual part of her that is _that_ concerned about Damon, that it would spark her magic to come back just like that. She refuses to believe that, but sadly, it's the only conclusion that she keeps giving herself, no matter which angle she tries to reason from.

It simply can't be that her magic came back for Damon's sake, because the _mere_ implication behind that, does the very _foundation_ of her relationship with Damon, injustice.

There has to be another explanation, she tells herself yet again, keeping her eyes on her hands.

She doesn't know why exactly she's staring at her hands as if they have the answers, or even as if they are the culprits for lighting that candle in the store, but she can't look away from them either.

'Don't tell me…'

Even if she didn't know his voice, and even if he wasn't the second of the only three people that are currently in this repetitive world, she would still know his voice from the sarcastic yet curious tone that he uses when he wants to know something.

Because of his presence -that his voice alerts her of-, she pulls her arms back to fold across her chest. For an unknown reason, she doesn't want him to know that she's mentally busy, and she feels that if she keeps her hands in front of her like she had been doing, he'll figure out what she's conflicted with.

Fortunately, Damon doesn't seem to catch on to what she'd been doing, which is a relief for her. On top of not finding a reasonable explanation for the sudden return of her magic, she doesn't need Damon to wonder about it too. It's part of the reason that she fled from the store to the back, after Damon hit the stalker guy.

'You feel bad for the annoying guy,' he finishes as he plants his feet next to her seated form.

It sounds to her, like he's concluding an accurate observation, which makes no sense to her, because he can't know what she's struggling with at the moment.

Confused by his sense of confidence, she angles her head in his direction to look up at him. 'What?'

She thought, she even expected that he would remain standing and just make her continue looking up at him while he speaks, but he surprises her -almost to speechlessness- when he sits down beside her.

'You're sitting here by yourself,' he answers with a shrug, slightly brushing an upper part of him against her shoulder, 'looking like you're deeply regretting something.'

She was wrong, she realises in an unpleasant way. The way she realises her mistake is unpleasant, because it feels uncomfortable, almost as if _she_ feels the pang of lack of faith on Damon's behalf. His previous sentences, weren't really an incorrect observation as she thought they were; his recent explanation –added on to the fact that he just sat down beside her- tell her that much. Apparently, in his own confusing way, he's showing her something that she interprets as genuine care.

 _That can't be right_ , she quickly counters in her head. _But then_ , she responds, _if Damon isn't showing her concern,_ _why does she feel unpleasant about the fact that she was wrong?_

Something's not right about the fact that she feels bad on Damon's behalf, and so to distract herself from the feeling, she looks away from him to answer, 'I'm thinking.'

Following her looking away, is a silence that distinctly highlights the feeling of Damon's eyes on her. The feeling is so thick, as though his eyes are physically attached to the parts of her face that they can see, that she sharply turns back his way in a little time. At the same time that she turns to him, she catches him hastily avert his eyes and she would swear that his expression changes too. Only, since she hurriedly faced him, she can't really trust what she thinks she saw, so she dismisses whatever she thinks she may have seen.

'What are you thinking about?' Damon casually poses in his usual tone, 'Are you bummed that you aren't the most annoying person in the world anymore?'

She's sure that it's not true, but she somehow has the feeling that Damon's covering something up. She has the feeling that he'd been one person a second ago when she looked away, only to hide behind a mask when she looked back at him. But of course, that can't be right, because Damon is Damon and that's just who he is.

'Come on Bonnie,' he says, adding a deliberate smirk, 'there are worse things in the world. Like the fact that the most annoying guy in the world is currently in the trunk of my car!'

The way he says it, makes it really seem like it's the worst thing in the world. And thankfully, she breathes in, it shuts her previous feeling down. There are no two sides to Damon, or even hiding behind masks in his world, there's just Damon Conceited Salvatore and no one else.

She looks at him with a confused face, wondering, 'And?'

'Do you know how much that goes against my undying love for my car?' he answers as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

It's so typical Damon to give her an answer like that, she thinks, but oddly, she doesn't hate it. She must've built up a threshold during the last four months, that escaped her notice. But why is it suddenly occurring to her now, on the same day that her magic suddenly comes back? What is wrong with her today anyway? All this, is too much for her right now. She needs a distraction from it all.

She slowly gets up from her position, telling him, 'I'm sure your car will live. Let's just go-'

Just in time, she stops herself before she completes the sentence with the word, 'home', because it suddenly occurs to her that if she says it, she'll be admitting that living with him doesn't feel as bad as she's repeatedly told him it is.

Seriously, what is wrong with her today?

Without getting up, Damon looks up at her carefully, a frown developing on his face, and then deepening with each passing second in the silence. If she could read his expression, she would know what he means by it, except that she can't and thus, she doesn't know what he means when he looks at her like that.

'I don't know why I expected that sentence to end differently,' he mumbles to himself, shifting his eyes away from her face.

Because she genuinely didn't hear what he said, she asks, 'What?'

'Get in the car,' he announces, as he springs up on his feet, 'We need to lock him in the dungeon before he wakes up.'

As Damon makes off, she takes a brief moment to wonder what in the world is going on with her. Why does she feel like she's in a confrontation box with opponents that she doesn't know?

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 **26Chapters**

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'I know what you're thinking.'

Bonnie immediately shoots up in internal panic. It's not just the fact that Damon's presence is sudden, it's also what he said.

How does he know what she's thinking about? He can't really know that, can he? Even if his tone suggested that he is sure of what he said, he can't know what she's thinking.

'You don't know what I'm thinking,' she replies, refusing to turn her eyes away from the fireplace.

If she thought it safe to sigh in front of him, she would do it to express her current state. If he only knew what she's been thinking about since she came up from the dungeon.

First emitting a soft chuckle, Damon goes on to surprise her into facing him with the gentleness in his tone mostly.

'You're doing that thing where your lips are trying to hide in your teeth, without being obvious about it,' he tells her, 'so I know that you're thinking about something that's…' he trails off as though to think better of what he wants to say, and then after a second, picks up with, 'worth thinking about it.'

Any other time, her immediate thought to that, would be trying to figure out if he's insulting her or trying to make fun of her. Now, however, she isn't thinking any of those things, because all that she can think about, is that she's not sure if he's wrong about the end of his sentence exactly, but she does know that he's right to a degree. She is thinking about something that deserves a lot of thought.

Instead of telling him that, though, she finds that she's more interested in what he opted not to say. It's very unlike Damon to not say what _he_ wants to say.

'What were you going to say?' she wants to know from him. It's curious that he changed his mind after some thought.

His answer, is a slight frown.

'You weren't originally going to say 'something worth thinking about',' she explains, 'So what were you going to say?'

'It doesn't matter,' he dismisses, looking away from her.

And there it comes again, Bonnie feels within her as she fixes her eyes on Damon's turned away face. There is that feeling from earlier about Damon covering himself behind a mask, except now, it's a little stronger than it was earlier. Which is why she decides to change the subject altogether.

'Do you really think I can get us out of here?'

It isn't just a question that she's posing to Damon. It isn't a way of asking for motivation either. Her question represents her at this very moment. It represents her thoughts as they are.

The truth is, after what happened at the supermarket today, and then what Kai said in the dungeon, especially the part where he said that she always comes back to Damon… her thoughts are in knot on top of knot in her mind.

She's in denial of the fact that Damon has _such_ an influence on her, that she awakened her powers to save him. But more than that, she's confused about her feelings; she's wanted to go back home for so long, but now that she's faced with the actual possibility of going back, she can't say that she's as thrilled as she thought she would be. Something's definitely not right about that.

So, she needs an answer from him that she hopes will untie her thoughts, so that she can spread them out for proper examination and consideration.

'Well,' Damon looks back at her, 'I know that if you don't, I'll kill that guy.'

More because his answer doesn't produce the desired result, she only looks at him. Apparently, Damon is offended by her looking at him, because he pulls a face to say;

'I'm not really going to kill him, you know that, right?'

Why is he asking her that, she wonders. With Damon's tolerance, she doesn't expect that Kai will last five days with them if he continues to be the way he is. Of course, she'd love for him not to kill Kai, because Kai technically did nothing wrong, but she really wouldn't be surprised if she woke up one day and Kai was dead. It's just a reality that she has to accept when it eventually happens.

Her silence, she notices as she continues to look at Damon, is apparently not something that Damon is comfortable with.

'Bonnie,' he says with a seriously set face, 'I won't kill him.'

Although he doesn't say it in an urgent way, Bonnie picks up his urgency for her to understand that he won't kill Kai. If she was sure that she was right, she would think that it's important to him, that she believes what he won't do. She doesn't believe it, of course, because he's never cared about what she or anyone else thinks of him.

'I'm not saying that you will,' she tells him, 'but I'm not saying that you won't either.'

'I'm telling _you_ ,' he stresses, going as far as to close his hand around her wrist, 'that I won't.'

Not noticing the hold on her wrist, she draws her eyebrows together to take a good look at him. Where is all this coming from? Why does it matter to him, whether she believes him or not? It's not like he listens to her anyway. Why is he trying to make something out of-

'I need a drink,' he heavily announces, like he's releasing away tension that way.

She barely has a full minute to realise that Damon has left and to digest it, when a new voice sounds as Kai takes the place where Damon had stood.

'You should really pay attention to the things he says to you Bonnie,' Kai advises her. 'Or no, wait… actually, it's the things he doesn't say that you should pay attention to.'

Already in a terrible state and then Damon just now, she doesn't need more. Least of all in the form of Kai.

'You're so annoying,' she says as she tries to get away from there, but he stands in her way.

'Okay, fine,' he begins to apologise, 'I'm sorry. I haven't had any human interactions in twenty years. I'm going to screw up here and there, but can you just give me a chance?'

His face looks innocent enough, she decides, but mostly, she'll agree only because she doesn't want him to annoy her all night to give him a chance.

'Fine,' she agrees and then leaves him behind, to hear a childlike, 'Yippee,' come from him.

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 **26Chapters**

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Food will make her sleep, Bonnie thinks when she makes her way into the kitchen.

It's this late at night, and she's probably the only person who hasn't been able to sleep since she went to bed. She's sure that Kai and Damon have no trouble with sleep tonight, she is the only one who's out of herself in a way that she can't understand.

Upon entering the kitchen and seeing the little flood of light, she's a little startled to find that she's not the only one who's awake at the moment.

Bonnie squints in the dim light coming from the partly open fridge to see who is blocking most of the light out, before she gets any closer.

'Damon?' she wonders.

Leisurely, he moves out of the fridge and for the second that he spends closing the fridge, she recognises that it's Damon. The only problem is, they are in complete darkness now that he's closed the fridge.

'What are you doing up?' Bonnie asks instead of asking him to open the fridge for light again.

'Asked the heavy sleeper,' is Damon's tired reply.

Honestly, she doesn't have time for this. Her whole day has been a series of revelations to her, and that's not even touching on her unfamiliar feelings and her tangled thoughts, thus resulting in her inability to sleep. The absolute last thing that she needs, is to have an exchange of words with Damon in an argumentative way.

'You know what,' she decides, turning on her heel, 'never mind. I'm going back to bed.'

Not that she had been hungry, but she's not hungry anymore, she only wants to get away from the kitchen and away from Damon as fast as she can. Feeling that she's quite familiar with the house and where to go, she starts taking her first steps away from her spot, when he stops her.

'Bonnie...'

It's more the way that he pronounces her name, than the soft tone, that gets her to stop and turn back. Although it's dark and she can't see him, he (being a vampire) can somewhat see her and the decent thing to do, would be to face him when he talks to her.

'Earlier,' he says, 'what were you thinking?'

'I thought you said you knew,' she answers, though not in a hostile way.

'I do,' Damon tells her, a smile audible in his voice, 'but I was just trying to find a way to get into that specific conversation.'

Oddly, in the darkness like this, she finds it easier to relax. Maybe it's the fact that she can't see him, that makes her feel like she's not vulnerable. She can't really say how it feels, she can only say that it's relaxing to feel like this.

'Why?' she prods for his reason. There must be a reason that he wants to talk about earlier.

'I guess,' he begins, sounding unsure of himself, 'I don't know... I think this place has finally gotten to me, because I would never in my right mind compliment you, but... –and I'm putting a disclaimer on this- I have faith in you. I wanted to tell you that before.'

She can be shocked, and she can even ask him to repeat what he said, but she actively chooses to feel touched. Of all the things that she imagined Damon would say to her, she didn't even consider that one.

'And uh...' he continues through her silence, 'I'm not going to give you hell if you fail.'

If she's ever been relieved to hear something, it's that. It's not that she can't handle Damon giving her hell, it's that she can, but she won't have to handle it, because he won't give her hell. That touches her too. In fact, it's overly suspicious how touched she is by it. It's like earlier today all over again, just different.

She has to get away from here, her fleeing mentality kicks in. The longer she stays here, the more she'll be faced with confusing things that she can't put together, like how easily a sentence from Damon appealed to her emotions.

'Goodnight Damon,' she decides on.

It's like he said, this world has definitely gotten to them, because she for one, doesn't recognise anything about herself. The longer this day stretches on, the more she feels like a stranger to herself.

'Bonnie,' he stops her, and she obeys without hesitation.

'Thank you for coming back.'

She's had countless people tell and say 'Thank you,' to her, but in her experience, it's only when Damon thanks her, that she feels like she did something worth it. She's never been able to admit that before today, but she can admit it now, because his gratitude travels from her ears, right down to the base of her heart, causing a little flutter there.

'Okay,' she lets out hoarsely, not sure what's wrong with her voice. And her heart for that matter.

'I just wanted you to know,' Damon concludes.

Then only, does she piece together, that that's what he's been trying to tell her all the times that he approached her today. All those failed attempts that went sideways from the go, have all been acts of goodwill on his part... and... she doesn't know how to feel about that.

'Okay,' she says again, deciding then and there to take a chance. 'So I know that vampires don't really need sleep, and I can't sleep tonight, so... do you maybe want to watch something?'

'With you?' he asks in a tone that she can't interpret.

'Yeah,' she answers, holding her breath, 'I mean, if you want to. I don't really mind.' She doesn't mind if he doesn't want to, but if he refuses her, she's not going to like it.

'I pick what we're watching,' Damon bargains.

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Chapter 2, **Now Or Never.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2, **Now or Never.**

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For someone who couldn't find sleep last night, Bonnie comes down to the kitchen feeling like she's never had a better night's rest. Her pores feel open and there's a mellow melody in her head, that's making her feel at ease. It's a little suspicious, if she's being honest with herself, but more than it is suspicious, it's a grand and welcome difference from how she was yesterday.

At the same time that she makes it into the kitchen, Kai walks in right behind her. She hadn't noticed him before, but when he speaks, she does.

'Pancakes again?' Kai asks, causing her to turn around to him. 'Morning Bonnie,' he smiles at her before turning his attention back to Damon.

'You know she hates pancakes, so why do you keep making them? Because let's be honest, you don't make them to irritate her.'

Of course Damon makes the pancakes to irritate her, Bonnie mentally rebuts. If making them and then placing them in front of her, didn't irritate her, Damon wouldn't make them at all. Kai doesn't know half of what he thinks he knows about her and Damon. He may have spied on them for four months, but he doesn't know what their relationship is really like.

'I regret letting you stay here,' Damon drawls, clearly unhappy with Kai at the moment, 'All you do is annoy me.'

Just like she thought he would, Damon ignores Kai's physical presence. Anyone else would've at least faced Kai to tell him that to his face, but not Damon. Damon simply continues making the breakfast, with the only interruption being the answer he gives Kai.

Shaking her head, Bonnie goes over to the table, to start laying it like she always does. Somehow, Damon always gets up before she does, and when she gets to the kitchen, she finds that there's nothing else to do but lay the table, so she does that. It had been a practice in the beginning, but after the first two weeks, it became reflex, automatically embedded in her system.

'Look at you, the domestic pair...' Kai says, but Bonnie doesn't stop her work to give him attention –and she assumes that Damon doesn't either- 'Mommy Bonnie preparing the table and Daddy Damon making breakfast.'

Damon's right, Bonnie thinks as she prepares the table, Kai _is_ the most annoying person in the world. The things that come from his mouth are simply annoying and to be honest, she wouldn't be surprised if Damon suddenly hurt him.

'All that's missing,' Kai continues, 'is a little boy, or girl if you want, banging his fists on the table, because he can't wait to eat.'

For an unknown reason, that statement buries itself into a place that it cannot fit in. So much so, that Bonnie freezes. She stops laying the table to look at Damon, because she needs to know if he's as irritated with Kai as she is. If she feels like she's a second away from conjuring up a fireball and throwing it at Kai, with his lack of tolerance, Damon must also be feeling some type of vampire way about Kai.

Just by seeing the look on his face when their faces meet, she finds that Damon feels the same she does. In fact, he appears more irritated than she is. He must really hate Kai's existence, if he looks like he's holding his breath to keep a vein from exploding.

She _must_ be out of her mind if she feels bothered on Damon's behalf, Bonnie reasons as she realises that she feels uncomfortable. She wouldn't go as far as to say that she actually feels uncomfortable about the fact that Damon's irritated, and she definitely will not say that she's empathetic towards Damon's feelings, but... she won't lie and say that she doesn't feel some sort of way about Damon feeling like that towards Kai. What she can say with clarity, is that she's _not_ a fan of Kai's at the moment.

To communicate the last fact to Kai, Bonnie turns her head to him, glaring silent warnings at him to back off with the comments.

'What?' Kai asks with an apparent uninformed laugh.

'Shut up,' she decides to warn him verbally as well, 'or use your mouth to say something useful.'

Kai first looks at Damon as if to communicate that he's not falling for Bonnie's act before he throws his hands up in surrender to say, 'Yes, ma'am.'

Just as she's on the brink of breathing her relief out, Kai steals that second away from her when adds, 'You were much better when I secretly watched you, by the way, nothing like now.'

 _Creep_ , she starts to think, when a sudden act halts her thoughts. She would've continued to think that she feels a little violated to have been spied on, had Damon not, at that very moment, forcefully thrown the spatula towards Kai.

 _'SHUT UP_!' Damon roars in an alarming boom that startles both Kai and Bonnie.

While Kai merely steps to the side to avoid being hit, Bonnie is so taken aback by Damon's outburst, that all she can do is stare at him with wide open eyes. All thought, in any size, shape and flow, momentarily escapes her, as her eyes stare at him and the spatula reaches a destination that no one pays attention to.

After a few more seconds of her staring at Damon pass, Bonnie starts to notice that Damon is watching her. She's looking at him, because she doesn't understand what _specifically_ made him react like that, but why is he looking at _her_? Kai's earlier comment about a little kid did squeeze itself in an uncomfortable place, but Damon didn't react then. Why did he react now?

Damon, she observes, as if seeing his uncharacteristic behaviour replayed on her face, hastily collects himself to a more calm expression.

'Shut up or get out,' Damon says in a somewhat even tone to Kai, with his eyes still on Bonnie, 'It's your choice.'

Because their eyes are only set on each other, neither Damon, nor Bonnie notice how Kai pulls his jaw muscles for an expression, Bonnie only hears him mumble something like, 'Touchy, I wonder why.'

Of the two of them, Damon is the first to return his eyes to his work, probably because he heard Kai's mumble perfectly, unlike her. As soon as Damon looks away, she regains herself –mentally and physically-, to find Kai seated at the table. With a frown, she wonders how she missed him come over to the table?

Choosing to ignore the answer to her own question, Bonnie goes over to Damon instead of being close to Kai. She doesn't understand why, but there's something about being close to Kai while Damon's on the other side, that she's fearful of. It's not so much that she thinks Kai will try to attack her, rather, it's that she feels like if she stays _that_ close to Kai when Damon's on the other side, she's choosing Kai over him.

When she gets to Damon, she asks, 'He's not really eating with us, is he?'

They have a working system in place, just the two of them, she really doesn't want to add a third person who just happens to be a very annoying guy. She can already imagine the environment at the table with Kai there, and it's not what she's used to. She's used to Damon being on his side, eating his pancakes, reading his section of the paper, while she drinks her coffee on the other side, just waiting for him to mention something that's not in the paper and thus, their conversation begins. With Kai, she just knows that it'll be different.

'Not if you don't want him to,' Damon answers her. 'Just say the word and I'll throw him out. Literally.'

Perplexed by Damon's offer, she pulls her eyebrows together. 'When did you become a gentleman?' she wants to know.

As though highly offended, Damon frowns at her. 'Did you wake up in your bed this morning?'

Damon can be so random on rare occasions, she thinks. She wants to find out when he started taking her into consideration and he's talking about where she woke up? How are those two things even connected in his head?

'What does that have to do with anything?'

Damon only looks at her for an answer, giving her no verbal one. The way he looks at her, though, is as if she's painted her lips with a brightly coloured green lipstick.

'He carried you to bed this morning,' Kai provides from the table. 'Now can you two stop semi-flirting and come sit down for breakfast? We have a busy day if we're going to get out of here folks.'

For the same reason –the same reason, being Kai's functionally mouth- they look at each other, but for respectively different reasons, they quickly turn away from each other as soon as their eyes meet.

'I'll get the coffee,' she excuses herself from his side.

And here she thought being close to Damon would be better than being close to Kai...

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 **26Chapters**

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Bonnie drops the last of Kai's supplies next to his feet on the coffee table. Seeing the loathing look on Damon's face when she straightens up, makes her thankful that she wasn't the one who stayed behind with Kai. All the complaints that she made to herself when she left the house to get what Kai wanted, she willingly takes back, thankful that she got an escape from Kai, unlike Damon.

'Here,' she tells Kai and then folds her arms, 'that's everything.'

'You don't expect me to say thank you, do you?' Kai looks from her to Damon, 'Because this is for all of us.'

Carefully getting up from his seat, as though to silently parade all the power that he has where their escape from this world is concerned, Kai steps to Bonnie and tries to take her hand. Before he can fully manage to touch her, however, he's violently thrown across the room.

Although thoroughly caught off guard by the sudden attack on Kai, Bonnie recovers from it to frown at Damon, who carelessly shrugs as Kai gathers himself from the floor across them. At this point, she rolls her eyes, nothing that Damon does to Kai will completely petrify her with shock anymore.

'I don't like him,' Damon tells her like he's answering a question that she asked.

She doesn't even have a response to that, because she feels like even if she did have a response, it wouldn't do anything to tamper Damon's streak of irritation.

'Clearly, I'm the third wheel in this relationship,' Kai dusts himself off, 'but for the reason that _I_ have all the information for our escape from the Prison World, I suggest that we all,' he directly looks at Damon, 'yes, I mean just you, Damon- learn to be on my good side.'

Damon makes to charge at him, but Bonnie places her hand on his chest to stop him.

'Let it go,' she whispers, looking into his eyes.

She knows that she doesn't have influence over him, but she hopes that just this once, he'll listen to her and not start a fight with Kai.

'Listen to her Damon,' Kai laughs.

Kai's not helping, Bonnie hotly thinks to herself. If he's going to taunt Damon, Damon's never going to listen to her. And just as she thought, Damon tries to move again, but again, she stops him, going further and slightly pushing him back.

'Damon,' she says through gritted teeth, 'I _said_ let it go. It's not worth it.'

Actually, she wouldn't mind so much if Damon punched Kai just once, but for peace's sake, she has to reason with him.

 _Please, please, please just listen to me this once_ , she internally pleads within her soul while trying to communicate that through her eyes to him.

Thankfully, her pleading seems to work, because she feels him relax. She removes her hand from his chest, asking, 'Are you okay?' to which he nods his answer.

'Good,' she breathes out with relief. 'Stay that way,' she whispers before turning to Kai, who is still standing across the room.

To enhance the assurance that Damon won't go after Kai, she tactfully stands in front of him. She's blindly putting faith in the thought that he wouldn't knock her out of the way to get to Kai and hopes that it doesn't backfire on her.

'Now what?' she questions Kai.

Wiggling his eyebrows, Kai answers, 'You warm your magic up, while we, the guys dig a hole in the forest.'

'Woah, woah,' Damon objects, stepping around Bonnie. 'Digging!?'

Kai offers him a tight smile, as he says, 'Well, I don't know about you, but I'm ready to get out of here today, so yeah, we _dig_.'

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 **26Chapters**

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'The ascendant,' Kai hands the object to Bonnie. He attempts to move her himself when he tells her, 'Stand there,' but Damon roughly growls at him, promptly inserting himself between Bonnie and Kai.

'Try to touch her one more time,' Damon warns him, pointing a rigid finger towards Kai, while his free hand presses on Bonnie behind him to keep her away from Kai, 'and I swear I will pull your lungs out.'

'Whatever,' Kai dismisses, 'just stand where the light will hit the ascendant, Bonnie.'

Even though she feels a little afraid to do so, Bonnie shifts to where she thinks Kai wants her to stand. If Damon says that she shouldn't move, however, she'll shift back to where he was.

'Now your blood on the ascendant,' Kai instructs, his voice void of the will to argue. He must really be ready to get out of this place if he's behaving like this.

'How-' she starts to ask, when Damon rotates and takes her hand to bring it to his lips.

'I'll do it,' he softly offers, but he doesn't look at her directly.

Out of the blue, she feels her heart wildly beat as if it's in the final epic round of a drum circle piece. It's unlike her heart to do unstrategic things such as that for no reason. Before she spent time with Damon in this world, she would've been slightly afraid if he offered to break into her skin for blood, but she's not afraid of him now. She really isn't, so why is her heart beating like this?

'I won't hurt you,' he assures her, gently swiping a small part of her wrist with his free thumb.

The act surprises Bonnie, consequently urging her heart to beat even faster than before. She didn't expect for him to do that, and least of all, she didn't expect herself to kind of anticipate how he's going to break into her wrist for blood. Something is really wrong with her.

Damon's lips make the first contact with the skin on her wrist, when he lowers his head, before she feels his teeth extended from his mouth. It's strange, she thought she just right out feel his fangs inside her wrist veins, but instead, he carefully eases his way into biting into her veins, almost as though not to frighten her into rigidness.

She appreciates the consideration, if that's what he's really doing, but on the other hand, she doesn't appreciate it, because now that he's doing that, she develops a little curiosity of how it would feel if he sucked out some blood in _that_ gentle way.

Fortunately for her, Damon quickly pierces into her skin and draws his face away from her wrist, not leaving anything up to her imagination.

'Okay,' Kai announces in an excited tone.

She can't explain why, but it feels like Kai literally ripped a moment away from her, a moment that she wanted to... she doesn't even know what she wanted to be honest. What she does know, is that she has to put her blood on the ascendant, so she does, even with Damon's fingers around her.

'You'll have exactly three minutes after the light hits the ascendant,' Kai explains, 'so in that time, you say the spell and _voop_ , we're all gone.'

That's it, she thinks as she looks at Damon. That's all they have to do to get out of this world? Just like that, really?

'What is it?' Damon wonders, apparently reading her apprehension of sorts.

Her real answer, the real issue, is that she's not prepared for this at all, but to Damon she foolishly gives, 'Miss Cuddles...'

She wants to go home, she really does want to go home, but there's been so little preparation for going home, that it all feels rushed. They only met Kai yesterday and already they're going home? Wasn't there supposed to be some kind of preparation period for all of them, because going home so suddenly feels rushed. Can't they just have one more day to process that they'll really be going home?

'I'll get her,' Damon instantly surprises her with his answer. She thought that he would make a comment, not accept her 'whim'. 'But I'm not leaving you with _him_ , you're coming with me.'

'For a stuffed bear,' Kai dramatically loses his previous cool, 'when we're minutes away from the peak, he wants to leave?! Come on, how _obvious_ can you two be?'

'We'll be back,' she answers Kai, not even wasting her time to acknowledge his temper. 'It's not like we're running away from you. We want to leave too, you know.'

Breathing heavily, but keeping the space between them, Kai studies her. She doesn't care to wonder what he's thinking while he's looking at her, because Damon's on her side.

'It's almost time...' Kai mumbles, looking out of the hole in the cave.

'Hey, we're coming back,' Damon moves to push him for his attention, but he keeps looking out to the moon.

'I am _not_ letting this chance go by,' Kai replies as casually as it is carefully, stepping to Damon and Bonnie.

Even with Damon in the middle of them, and his hand still around her wrist, she tries to get away from Kai's reach. She doesn't succeed, though, because somehow, Kai grabs her other wrist, forcefully pressing his fingers into her skin. At the contact, Bonnie exclaims out in severe pain and when Damon tries to attack him, Kai holds his hand out towards Damon, blasting him away from them and knocking him out completely by the time he lands on the ground.

'You two can stay here and decide whether you're ready to go back or not,' Kai wrings out through his mouth, 'but in the meantime, I'll take all your magic and leave when that light hits the ascendant, which should be in about...'

Tears of pain fill her eyes, adding on to the scorching sensation coming out through all of her pores. The discomfort is so much that she can't even bring herself to worry about Damon unconscious on the ground.

'Ten,' Kai starts to count down.

'Stop,' she begs him breathlessly, 'please stop.'

It's as though by pleading for him to stop, she tells him to apply more force and inflict more pain within her, because that is exactly what he does. He holds her with more force, making it impossible for her to loosen herself from his grip, due to the agony of her magic being extracted from her. Even if it was possible to pull herself from his clutches, the pain of losing her magic is paralysing in a way that makes her incapable of doing anything to free herself.

'It's not personal Bonnie, I just really can't miss my train out of here. You understand, right?'

Feeling powerless, she succumbs to the part of her brain that is telling her to give in. Without putting up a fight, she allows him to drain her, to rob her of all of her strength, until she doesn't have even a dash of power to think as things fade to black for her.

* * *

Chapter 3, **One Of Us.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3, **One Of Us.**

* * *

A distantly faint sound, almost as though it's reaching the definite endpoint, makes him realise that he's conscious. He's conscious, he accepts without a doubt, but he doesn't open his eyes just yet. He first wants to understand what happened to distract him to _this_ current state.

He's not going to go through the basics, because he knows his name, he knows what he is and everything about himself that he should know. What he doesn't know, however, is what happened and where exactly he is. He may be conscious, but more than that, he isn't in his conscious way of reasoning just yet.

With his eyes still closed and to mainly rely on his acute vampire senses, he uses his hands to feel around him. Somewhat moist earth meets his touch and just like that, his memory is triggered. Exactly as fast as lightning flashes, everything returns to him; Kai, the cave, the escape from where they were (or are), Bonnie within Kai's reach…

Bonnie!

His eyes snap open as if he just received a powerful slap on his cheek, as he simultaneously jerks his body clean off the ground into a ready-for-combat position. Like that, he speedily scans the area around him, keeping his vampire senses on high priority alert. He spots Bonnie's body a little way from where he is, and without planned will on his part, he finds himself on his knees beside her body, with her head lifted off the ground and in his hands.

He's known real panic in his life before, and he's lived through nerve-wracking situations, but _this_ , what he feels right now, seems _so_ unfamiliar to him. As he supports her seemingly life-drained head in his hands and seeing the serene look on her face, he can't say that he's panicking, because he doesn't feel like he is.

'Bonnie?' he breathes out fearfully.

That's it, he realises. That's what he feels. He isn't panicking, because he's afraid. He's really, really afraid.

Although he doesn't want to (not when he's this scared), he pulls his left hand from under her head, using it to lightly tap her on the cheek, in order for her to open her eyes at the insistent contact.

'Come on, Bonnie,' he says lowly, 'Open your eyes.'

What is wrong with her, that she's not opening her eyes? Why isn't she responding to him? She usually has a dictionary and a paragraph of words for him, so why is she playing silent now?

He questions all this, while searching her face desperately. The absolute silence that welcomes his unuttered questions, unnerves him so deeply that he forgets all about Kai and the previous happenings.

He forgets about the escape, he forgets about Miss Cuddles, and all of the things that led to _this_ moment, disappear from his mind as his eyes deeply focus on Bonnie's face. She looks at peace like this, he thinks with his eyes set on her face. He's attentively studying her like he will see the answers that he's looking for, appear in writing on her face. They don't, though, but upon acknowledging how peaceful she looks, it forcefully hits him that she's _human_. Witch or not, she's still actively mortal and if she's at peace this way, it's because she's…

 _No_ , he rudely stops himself from thinking the next word. That idea is absurd, because it just isn't possible, his perked up ears tell him. He can still hear the beating of her heart, but to offer himself extra reassurance, he lowers his head so that his ear is almost literally pressing against her chest to listen for the sound of her heartbeat.

It's there, his ear assures him, her heartbeat is there, but barely holding on. What's strange about that, is that it's the same sound that got him conscious. Seeing as the heartbeat is almost not there, it's strange that her fading heartbeat was the reason that he gained consciousness in the first place. She's the reason that he's…

Deliberately trailing off that thought, he lifts his ear away from her chest, to do the only logical thing that he just now thought to do in this situation. Moving quickly, he rips into his free wrist and brings the openly bleeding wrist to her lips. He carefully uses the hand keeping her head steady, to adjust her into a position where she can take his blood down her throat without it coming back up.

His blood should heal her, he tells himself as he lets his blood drop onto her tongue. He's had one previous experience, where on the brink of death, someone jolted to life because of his blood; so this should be no different. But, just like he feared it would happen, his wound begins to close up too soon, shortly cutting into the healing process.

'Damn it!' he curses with as much frustration as is going through him.

He aggressively bites into his flesh again, except that this time, he comes away with a small piece of his skin and flesh, to make sure that the blood flow down Bonnie's throat, doesn't abruptly end. As he spits his own flesh out to the side, he returns his wrist to her mouth.

If he could hold his breath during all this, he knows that he would be doing that right now, as he waits for Bonnie to come back to consciousness through the supply of blood. But since he can't hold his breath, he keeps his eyes concentrated on her closed lids, not even thinking to blink, because any second now, those eyelids will draw up to reveal her eyes.

A few seconds later, he realises that the reality, however, is not the same as his expectation. In reality, she doesn't open her eyes, his wound is slowly healing by trying to stretch back together around the damaged ends and his hope is dampened. He almost growls out his frustration, when he recognises that growling won't get him anywhere. Instead, he chooses to use his frustration as motivation to ignore the closing of his wound and press it further into her mouth. He won't give up just like that. He _can't_ give up, even if his hope dying.

'I know you hate blood,' he softly reasons, 'but you need to take it.'

And that is when his ears pick up a sound that brings him to a standstill. A different beat to be exact.

From a gradually dying, beating sound, her heart rate smoothly transitions into a steadier beat than before. The reasonable change in the beat of her heart, reaches his heart like an absolute silence resurrects to the winning side after a strenuous final battle; nothing could ever be more welcome…

Overcome with relief in a way that makes it seem like the relief has drained him of energy, he slowly –as though tiredly- rests his forehead on hers as he physically breathes out his relief.

 _Thank you_ , he thinks behind closed eyes. He doesn't even know who he's thanking at this point, what he does know is that he's grateful that there's a difference in her heartbeat. Also, he's grateful that he doesn't feel scared anymore.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

Now that he's given her his blood a second time, he should go back to the cave.

He wants to return to the cave to inspect it, but there's a conflict within as to whether or not to leave her side. He's literally spent all of yesterday seated next to her bed after he brought her in from the cave, and so he doesn't know if Kai's gone or if he's playing a trick on them.

To be honest, he hasn't given Kai any thought until this morning. And even though he's had questions about Kai's whereabouts, his concern for Bonnie being stubbornly asleep, hasn't allowed him to revisit his questions about Kai. But now that he just fed Bonnie a bit of his blood again –to test if she would wake up with the help of his blood-, and her heart beat changed from steady to healthy, he feels like he needs to go and investigate what could've happened. It's only that he can't find it in himself to leave her all by herself.

He is suddenly divided from his intention to leave for the cave, however, when the healthy heartbeat that he'd been hearing a second ago, turns into a frantic rush. It's as though he's listening to the flow of water from a faucet. All cave thought erased, he stands on perfect alert at her side as he tries to listen for the pauses between each beat, because all the beats seems to mesh into one rushing sound.

As he's trying to listen for the breaks between the heartbeats, Bonnie starts moaning faintly, and he would assume it happens consequently, as a result rushing heartbeat, when her entire face breaks out in a sweat. There's no gradual development or anything like it, everything just appears as intensely as it does suddenly. And just as swiftly as everything happens, he finds himself panicking.

What has he done? What if, in some strange way, (which wouldn't be a surprise to him in this world) she's transitioning to be like _him_? Did she somehow die between the last time he gave her blood and now? Was the little blood that he gave her just now, what was needed to complete the transition?

In his panic and confusion as to what to actually do, Damon wants nothing more than to fiercely rip his blood from hers. He doesn't want to be responsible for turning her into a vampire. He wants her alive, there isn't a question there, but he just knows that she won't like to wake up as a vampire. If, under normal circumstances, he was given the choice between dead and vampire for Bonnie, he would rather pick for her to be a vampire instead of the other. It's only that at the moment, it sounds and looks like she's uncomfortable, and he _especially_ doesn't want that for her. He quickly drops onto his knees beside her bed and lifts her head by her neck off the pillow.

'Bonnie?' he tests for a response in her face.

She doesn't open her eyes, she only continues to moan lightly as though she's going through something that's taking a lot from her, to the point where she doesn't have enough energy to moan harder than she is.

He discovers when he moves one of his hands down her back to get her up in a seated position, that she's sweating on her upper body too, not just her face. And unfortunately, that can only mean one thing; she's transitioning.

It's like the bough breaks then, snapping something within him, along with it.

She's transitioning, he dryly accepts, and there's nothing that he can do to prevent it. There's nothing he can do to prevent the hollow feeling inside either. He's completely sold on the idea that she is becoming one of them, one of the creatures that she doesn't have a particular liking for. How in the world is he going to break that to her when she wakes up?

Feeling similar to drained, he sets her to lie back on the bed, so that he can take her clothes off to help with the fever. He felt the high temperature fever on her neck and as a vampire, he's experienced that fevers aren't especially pleasant for vampires. Because she's transitioning, he needs to get her clothes off and then get her into a bath tub full of water, to tame her fever. At least that, he can do something about, unlike her transitioning.

'Well,' he begins as his hands reach for the buttons on her flannel shirt, 'I never in a million years thought I'd be doing anything to undress you, but here I am.'

He says that, to mostly bring humour into the situation, so that the hollowness within wavers even just a little, but it doesn't work. His panic over her fever and the fact that she'll wake up a vampire, doesn't die down, not even for show, it stays exactly the same way and in the same spot within him until he tries to undo the third button on her shirt.

She's not wearing a bra, he comes to see. He didn't remember _that_ particular piece of information.

Feeling like a creep, he quickly pulls his hands back. He definitely won't be taking off her shirt if her breasts aren't covered. That's not who he is. Instead of the bathtub, he decides, he'll just get a bucket of water and some cloths that he can bring to place on several parts of her, to help the fever go down.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

This is starting to get ridiculous. He gave her his blood, three times now and... This is just getting ridiculous. Her fever died down sometime during the night, but she didn't wake up. How much more ridiculous can it get?

If this is Kai's way of trying to mess with him, it's working and he'll readily accept that it is, if it means that Bonnie wakes up.

'You won,' he says out loud as he looks around the room.

Although he's suspicious that Kai left, he can't rule out the possibility that he might still be there with them, doing that creepy thing that he did before he revealed himself.

'I said,' he slowly drags out, hoping Kai clearly catches his drift this time, 'you won.'

That has to draw Kai out, because although they didn't interact much, he gathered that Kai is one of those thrilled-by-the-idea-of-power people. It should stroke his ego adequately to be acknowledged as the one in total control of everything, to make him appear from the shadows.

Even with all that surrender of power in his favour, Kai still doesn't come out.

'Tell you what,' Damon says, using his last bit of patience, 'if you make an appearance in the next three minutes, I'll spare you. But if not, make sure that you stay hidden.'

He gets that it probably isn't wise to threaten someone who is a master at remaining hidden and then suddenly appearing, but every time his eyes dart to Bonnie on her bed, he can't help it feel impatient. And because it comes naturally, his impatience morphs into irritability, and his irritability begets a seriously provoking itch to be violent. Hence, him like this.

But still, Kai doesn't surface. Not even with two extra minutes that Damon adds for Bonnie's sake.

Okay, he tells himself, this is war. The next time that he so much as catches wind of Kai, Kai'll be lifeless before he knows it. He still hasn't spared time to think about Kai, because constant worry for Bonnie has been devouring him all these days. Whether Kai is hiding or not, _he_ needs to focus on Bonnie.

He's noticed that his blood has some type of influence on her. However, the truth is, that he doesn't want to overload her with his blood. He isn't all that sure how his blood in excess would affect her, even though he doesn't know what else he can do to wake her up.

 _Pancakes_ , a memory in a verbal form occurs to him. She hates pancakes, he remembers and it's like everything falls into place. A bright light bulb suddenly goes on in his head, illuminating the recesses that had been switched off as to what he should do to get her to awaken.

That's what he'll do, he'll make pancakes for her. Smiling from ear to ear, feeling like the biggest genius in the world, he flies off to the kitchen.

In the kitchen, he gathers all the ingredients with everything that he needs to make the perfect pancakes, in what a normal, non-vampire person would call a second and a half. He doesn't even realise how happy he is, until he catches himself dancing to a song that is being played only in his head.

He didn't think that making pancakes would make him _this_ happy, because he can actually say that he _feels_ happy. What he doesn't know, is that he's not really happy about making pancakes, rather that his subconscious has it all figured out; He'll make the pancakes, and then he'll take them to her, and when she smells them, she'll spring from her unconsciousness to stab the pancakes and shout at him that she hates pancakes.

His subconscious may have a plan, but even _it_ doesn't really understand that it's on its last leg, desperately pleading for Bonnie to wake up.

In no time at all, he finishes up the pancakes, placing them on a tray to carry to her room. All through this, he doesn't lose his smile, it stays glued on his face. What's more, he breaks out into a tuneful hum as he sets the tray on the bedside table.

And then he waits. He gently hums his happy tune as he waits for the smell of the pancakes to reach her nostrils, so that she can wake up.

Ample waiting time passes, but nothing happens. Though his humming slowly fades out, he doesn't take that as defeat. Instead, he takes the opportunity to provoke a reaction out of her.

'Guess what I made for you...' he says to her.

Still, he receives nothing, but it doesn't discourage him.

'Pancakes!' he announces as a surprise, but still nothing.

This last nothing, however, unlike the previous responses that he didn't get, bluntly shoves his happy feeling down a trench. It sinks in, just as his happy feeling travels down the trench, that she's not going to wake up. If she was going to wake up, she would've done it already.

'Come on Bon-Bon,' he plops down on her mattress, feeling the deepest tone of defeat, 'What do you want me to do?'

He stares down at her for a long moment, and _wow_ , -it unexpectedly smashes right in the centre of his chest- she's beautiful. He wouldn't particularly describe her as the epitome of perfection, but man she's really, truly beautiful. Her beauty almost makes him reach out his hand to stroke her cheek, because beauty like that, should be done justice by being literally felt.

But then he remembers who they are to each other. Where they are concerned, they only know the pattern that they've been living by, nothing else. If he reaches out and touches her cheek and she wakes up then, will she be surprised, but still take it, or will she pull her face away with a look of disgust?

'Give me something,' he cries.

He cries it out like that, because he's at a loss as to what else he should do and slightly from the fact that he can't reach out and touch her.

'You always come back,' he says so softly, that it would qualify as a whisper.

He isn't just talking about what Kai said in the store, he's also referring to the many times that she had the worst happen to her. She's always been an overcomer, even when it seemed impossible.

Again, silence is the only response that he gets, making him sigh his resignation to the world for finally turning against him. He gets up from the bed and he bites into his wrist one more time –adding up to the fourth time now- to give her his blood. He gives it a few minutes to see if she will break out into a fever again, but she doesn't.

He'll just have to sit back down in his chair and wait, because he _can't_ do anything else. Maybe he can hold her hand in his while he waits, but he won't fool himself in believing that it will do anything for her.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

Something inside him just wanted, so badly, to feel normal again. He felt like he needed to do something normal, which is how he ends up in the kitchen, making dinner and pretending that Bonnie would come down to eat when he was finished.

She was always the one who made dinner, never him. But in this case, he forced himself to believe that he was doing her a favour by making dinner on her behalf, and she would thank him when she came down from her shower smelling of that lightly scented creme of hers. Believing a lie, doesn't hurt like the truth of knowing that she wouldn't wake up soon, and even if she does wake up, she would wake up a vampire, not a witch. But still, an awake vampire is better than a sleeping witch, even if it is just a lie that he's choosing to believe.

To his shock, however, at around the end of his dinner preparation –he's set the table in the meantime-, Bonnie comes down into the dining room.

He entertained a fantasy in his head that she would smell the food from her room and then she would wake up and come to eat, but he didn't really expect it to come true. He didn't expect it to come true at all. And yet, there she is; awake and standing at a distance, with her eyes on him and from what he can hear, she has a beating heart.

He's heck relieved!

Relieved doesn't even fully describe how he feels, because he's not just relieved; he's appeased and glad, and thankful all at once. He's feeling an elation that he's not quite felt before, so he doesn't know how to interpret. Thus, like he typically would in a situation where everything about himself seems unfamiliar, he tries to make a joke of it. He shouldn't _show_ her that he's thankful to have her awake.

'Oh,' he happily announces, 'look who's decided to stop auditioning for Sleeping Beauty.'

Although he tries to lighten the moment for himself, his body has a plan of its own, because his feet start walking towards her. When he reaches her, his feet move him further behind her and his hands settle on her shoulders. Even that small bit of contact, feels like the first genuine human touch he's felt for decades. If he could, he would keep his hands on her shoulders for a while, until it didn't feel _this_ satisfying to have her in his hold like this.

'Were you hoping I'd wake you up with a kiss?' he asks close to her ear.

He wonders where that came from, and why he hadn't thought of it when he was wondering what he had to do to wake her up. Who knows, it might've worked.

Nonetheless, his hands lead her to her seat at the table. His conscious doesn't know it, but his sub-conscious knows that doing that, is the alternative to really expressing his elation and hugging her like he wants to.

At the table, he makes her sit down as he says, 'It's just as well that you woke up, because all the food I made was going to go to waste. And no,' he adds as an afterthought, 'I wasn't going to kiss you awake.'

He's trying to play it off like her being awake is no big deal, when in reality, it is. It's the third night, but to him a few minutes ago, it felt like he used at least one eternity from his immortality, sitting and worrying about whether she will ever wake up or not.

Her being awake, magically returns the eternity that he spent worrying by her bedside and once again, he feels fully immortal. It's the reason that he fractionally starts skipping off to get her food.

He brings her the food, sets it in front of her and then goes back to get a glass of juice. Over the months, he's learned that she doesn't like to drink at the same time that she eats, because drinking interrupts her appetite, but she likes to have her drink within sight. When he takes his seat across her, his own place empty of anything edible, he simply watches her start to eat.

Too far enchanted at this point, he doesn't even notice that she hasn't said a single word to him since she appeared. He doesn't really notice that she's solely eating either, because he's too consumed with thinking of how glad he is that she's not transitioning into a vampire. Between that, he also thinks of how much at peace he feels again, now that she's awake and that it's not only just him anymore. For an eternity there, it felt like he was the only one of the two of them who existed and if he's being honest, he didn't like any second of it. It's a fresh relief to have her back with him.

While she eats in silence, focusing on her plate, he keeps thinking about her return and how welcome it is to him. When, finally, she takes in a large gulp of orange juice, setting her glass down and looks at him, he immediately sits up straight. He suddenly feels like he has to get back into 'typical' Damon mode for her.

'Who are you?' she asks with a passive expression.

At first, his brain does this thing where it wonders what she just asked, until it repeats her question three times, and then it realises what she's doing.

He'll accept that, he thinks to himself. It's like that morning in the kitchen with Kai, when she couldn't believe that he offered to do something out of the goodness of his heart. She's right to question his good intentions, seeing as the caring side of him, is not a side that he shows to just anyone. He'll accept her jest, but internally, he wants it noted that he _can_ be caring and thoughtful when he wants to be, with the people that he wants; including _her_.

'You wound me, Bon-Bon,' he leans forwards, a smile to show that he's not really offended, on his face, 'after making _you_ dinner, this how you repay me?'

'I don't know who you are,' she answers him with a frown. 'The only reason I stayed quiet this long, is because I was hungry… but I don't recognise this place, and I don't recognise you.'

She's joking! After the words that left her mouth, his reaction, his feelings and his state, can only be summarised into, 'She's joking.'

* * *

Chapter 4, **Open The Eyes Of My Heart.**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4, **Open The Eyes Of My Heart.**

* * *

Her poker face is spot on, he inwardly congratulates her, when he surfaces from his momentarily immobilised state of mind.

He was shocked and even speechless for a moment there, but he's recovered now, and he can easily decipher what she's doing. It's obvious what she's doing now; she's acting for some reason. But, whatever reason it may be, he'll get to the bottom of it.

Intently staring at her, he notes that she doesn't look like she has any intention to break character. This almost confuses him, because it's exactly typical of her to remain stern in her stance. It's almost confusing, because it gives off the idea that she isn't pretending, which he knows can't be the case. It's why he doesn't allow confusion to cloud over his certainty for the fact that she's acting. He has to get to the bottom of what reason is it, that has her acting like this. He has to find out why is she acting like she doesn't know him.

Is it revenge? He wonders. But revenge for what? What could he possibly have done that warrants treatment like this from her?

Is she acting as a result of influence by Kai?

There! It instantly clicks in his head. That's it! He mentally rejoices at how he struck the jackpot.

'Nice try, Bonnie,' he makes an attempt to get her to break character, 'but you can't fool me.'

Getting her to see that she can't get away with what she's doing, is the only way that he can put an end to the act. Kai must obviously have said something to her that has her acting; it's the _only_ explanation, because this isn't like the Bonnie he knows.

'You don't believe me,' she observes with narrowed eyes.

He only laughs to say that yes, he doesn't believe her. He'd be crazy to believe her, and thankfully, he still has his sanity.

'I really don't know who you are,' she maintains, even keeping her poker face intact, 'but I know that you're not my brother or my friend, and obviously not my boyfriend.'

Hearing that, he instantly frowns. Does that mean that she really doesn't know who he is? His own question makes him completely stop all thought, and stare at her carefully in silence.

'The way you're treating me, though,' she continues, 'shows that you care a lot about me.'

Bonnie would _never_ , in her actual and active mind, say that to him, in _that_ way to be precise. Ever. Unless... he suspiciously starts to squint as though to focus on what he's missing... she's not really Bonnie.

'Kai?' he tests suspiciously.

What in the world did that annoying guy do to her? Did he somehow trick her to forget who she is? Did he possess her? What game is he playing this time?

'What?' she wonders.

'Kai,' he repeats more clearly, hoping to provoke for whatever may come.

'What's that?' she asks.

'He's...' he begins, almost immediately trailing off.

'What?' she continues to ask, clearly clueless as to what he's talking about.

'Kai,' he says again, 'You remember him, right?'

She pulls a face, 'No, should I? '

Of the very few things that he can brag of knowing about Bonnie, her facial expressions are somewhere near the top of the list. When she chooses to be expressive, he can read her. And from what he's reading now, she's not joking around. Or else, Kai's influence on her is that powerful.

'Elena,' he tests for a second time.

If he doesn't get a desirable response this time, then he'll know that Kai has addled with her.

'What about her?' she asks, frowning deeply.

Her frown, more than her question, is a welcome relief to him. In her frown, the immediate protection of her friend shines, showing him that she does at least remember Elena.

'You remember Elena?' he asks for certainty. If she remembers Elena, then her apparent (or selective) memory loss may just be a temporary thing.

'Yes, I remember her. Why wouldn't I?'

Now there's the Bonnie he's familiar with; her spunky attitude says it all.

He may be familiar with this Bonnie, he quickly tampers his gladness down some, but he still has to delve for what else she remembers, that's connected to him especially.

'What's the last thing you remember?'

He doesn't want to be too specific, in the case that she finds an opportunity for the opposite of what he wants to find out, in the precision of his question.

It doesn't take longer than a second for her to answer, 'I was driving with Elena, and we were talking about something Grams said to me... and then I saw this crow. That's _literally_ the last thing I remember.'

'You saw a crow...' he absently mutters.

So she does remember him! To be realistic, she remembers him as a crow, but still, she remembers him, which is something. The way she said, 'this crow', is as if the crow stood out for her, and he would be deceiving himself if he even dared to think that didn't stroke his heart ever so slightly -like the first gentle stroke to an abandoned guitar string. So... he'd made an impression on her even as a crow? Huh, that's something...

'So...' she looks at him in the eyes, breaking him away from his thoughts, 'you didn't exactly answer my question. I still don't know who you are.'

That would ordinarily be a no-brainer. He would usually know how to respond to that, except now, it just feels different for him somehow. It's clear that he should tell her who he is, and what they're doing here, but his mind doesn't want to give in to that option.

Within a small fraction of a second, he's reconciled his mind to the idea that maybe, the fact that she doesn't remember him, is a good thing. The exact root of that reconciliation, is unknown to him, even though it has birthed a large enough shrub of opposition.

Should he mess with her and tell her that he's her boyfriend and see how it goes? He would partly like to test how far the lie can go before her memory returns to her, a little thought whispers. That same thought, also wonders why she is so convinced that he's not her boyfriend anyway? They could easily be a couple, it wouldn't be impossible for them to be together.

'Why do you think I'm not your boyfriend?' he genuinely wonders aloud, giving heed to his little thought.

Besides the obvious reason of him being in love with Elena, there shouldn't be any other reason that she thinks that they 'obviously' aren't together. He knows things that are impossible, and an alternate relationship with her in an alternate universe, is not one of them. So, extracting their normal relationship, the probability of them being together is extremely high.

Catching him a little off guard, is the saintly sound of her laugh. He's never heard her laugh so purely before, and because of that, he silently wishes that he could hear her laugh like that for a little more than this.

'You've met Elena, right?' she asks at the end of her soft laugh.

He shrugs to ask, 'So?' without actually making the word come out of his mouth. What does meeting Elena have to do with whether or not they have a romantic relationship?

'When I met my friend Matt,' she starts, shifting her eyes away from his face, 'I had this tiny crush on him, and I thought he liked me too...' she fades out with a small laugh, as if to say that she can't believe that time of her life.

To be honest, he agrees with her, in that he can't believe that time of her life either. She's the type of person who, even back then, could've done so much better than Matt. Although, Damon reasons, knowing the kind of guy Matt is, he really wouldn't have been a bad choice for her anyway.

'But then two weeks later,' she continues, 'I introduced him to Elena and he just fell for her.'

The Elena effect, Damon silently thinks to himself. The Elena effect, is an involuntary, inevitable force that no guy can escape. Even if he hadn't been drawn to her because he initially thought that she was Katherine, the Elena effect would've effortlessly reeled him in. Those innocent looking big eyes and that naïve appearance, are enough to draw any man into her circle. And that smile of hers, is like the last signature at the end of an ownership agreement. So, really, he can't fault Matt for falling for Elena when he met her.

'I mean, Matt really cares about me and he'd do his best to make sure that I'm happy,' she seems to defend, 'but he's just like every other guy when it comes to my best friends and I.'

Okay, with that explanation, he understands why she believes that they aren't together. What's disturbing about it, though, is how true it is.

'Tyler met me first too,' she says during his silence, 'but once he saw Caroline... Tyler's always been interested in Caroline, but he has this attitude about him, you know... he always wants to be cool, so I guess he'll never ask her out.'

His silence, is the result of his distaste towards himself. He would much rather say that he feels distaste for Matt and Tyler who picked Elena and Caroline after meeting her first, but he knows that isn't the truth. He feels a little disappointed in himself for being counted as part of every guy in the world. He's always been different, even when it hurt him, he chose to be different, which is why he can't dismiss the fact that he's so far, treated Bonnie just like every other guy. He wishes that he could dismiss it and forget about it, but he can't. Especially when he remembers Bonnie's unbothered laugh like it doesn't matter that she's always overlooked.

'Guys always pick Elena and Caroline over me,' she says in a concluding tone, 'So, if you've met Elena, then you can't be my boyfriend. I just know it.'

But man, that 'I just know it' bluntly thumps against his chest. To shield himself from the blow, he reasons this way;

Okay, first of all, he met Elena first before her. And then he dated Caroline before Elena, so he shouldn't be categorised with the other guys. And secondly, if he had to pick from the three girls –and this is in a world where he obviously doesn't love Elena- Bonnie would be the one he'd be inclined to chase after, or whatever term they use for pursuit these days. He doesn't consider if the second one is correct, but it acts as soothing balm to the effect of the previous blow, so he will not question it.

In addition, he's going to see if he can trick her into believing a lie.

'It's funny how sure you are, of something that's not true,' he throws a hook into the water.

Whichever way she chooses to interpret that, and if she latches on to the hook, then, oh well... he'll deal with that when it happens. For now, though, there's something that he needs to do, that just now occurred to him. Also, escaping at this very time will prove perfect for her to rethink about what she knows. It's exactly his intention that she doubts herself while he's away.

'I'm Damon, by the way...' he tells her as he gets up from his chair.

'That's it?' she wonders in confusion, 'You're not going to tell me what relationship I have with you? You're not going to explain what's going on?'

For the moment, he has no intention of telling her what's going on. He can't say why that is, just like he can't say where that particular feeling comes from, he can only think with certainty that he has no intention of telling her anything just yet.

'There's something I have to do first,' he informs her, making it sound like he will fill her in later on.

He needs a place to himself, a place where he can arrange his thoughts into the right places. If he stays here with her, he highly doubts that he will be able to think like he needs to. It's important that he leaves the house for a while.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

He wanted to be away from Bonnie for clear thinking space, he just didn't realise that it would lead him back to the cave where he woke up.

The place holds no particular meaning for him, because besides being the kind of doorway back home, the cave really doesn't matter to him. He doesn't view it as some kind of place where memories would consume and he'd have to sit down to relive them all. Of course, it's the place where he woke up to find Bonnie unconscious on the ground, but even that isn't enough to make him give it an importance. To him, it's just a cave that just happened to be there and bad things just happened to occur inside it.

What he does care about the cave, however, is if it's hiding Kai somewhere in its wing. Away from Bonnie, he's given his mind free reign to think about Kai, and interest in Kai's whereabouts, is topping all the other questions he has about Kai.

He should be concerned that he left Bonnie by herself, and he is, but he has some faith that she will be okay. At least now that she's awake, she can't be caught completely off guard and rendered incapably helpless.

He moves further around the cave, determined to find its secrets, especially about Kai. He can't detect a heartbeat within the cave, so that gives him a little assurance that Kai's probably not in the here. But not detecting a heartbeat, doesn't make him stop moving around the cave, keeping a keen eye on all the details that the human eye would automatically miss. When he returns to the place where he found Bonnie, only then does he notice the shattered ascendant. Thanks to his sharp vampire sight, he easily sees the tiny strewn particles that flew off the whole piece as it evidently fell down hard.

Seeing this, he confirms with certainty that Kai has left them there. He doesn't have any trace of doubt that Kai, that Trojan, left them behind. He had his own agenda from the beginning, Damon recalls; he'd probably been waiting for the perfect opportunity to have Bonnie alone, and then trick her into sending him back alone, while they stayed behind. That _must've_ been his plan all along.

At least the item is still here, even though not intact, he reasons. They at least have _a_ way to go back home. If Bonnie begins to remember the spell at some point, or if he tries to trigger her to remember, they could be back home in no time.

But, he decides as he places the ascendant pieces in his pockets, he's not going to worry Bonnie with that now. She doesn't have her memories, and maybe it may affect her magic use. He more or less recalls when she discovered her powers and it doesn't seem likely that it had been around the time that she mentioned as a memory earlier. Having been the crow -now that he thinks about it-, she didn't know about her powers then. Which ultimately means that she doesn't know that she's a witch.

 _Okay_ , a gust-like thought hits him, _that's something that he has to keep to himself for now..._

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

He didn't realise that he had been gone for that long, until he gets home and it's absolutely quiet. He expected that she would be standing near the entrance, just waiting for him to come back and immediately demand for answers the second that he stepped into the house, only to find it this quiet.

It's not like Bonnie to lay down and play dead; she always has some words of attack at the ready.

However, if he should be worried that Bonnie's memory loss has affected her current state and altered her behaviour, he isn't. He won't lie and say that he hates Bonnie's attitude and behaviour, because he doesn't, but he prefers for her personality not to bombard him at the current time. So, ultimately right now, he likes that she's not waiting for him like he thought she would.

But even though he's content with the silence, he still has to see where she is and what she's up to. Kai might be gone, but that doesn't mean that he shouldn't be worried about what could happen to her. On the contrary, now that she's without her memories, he should be just as worried about her, as though Kai were still lurking in the shadows, just waiting to pounce.

Heading straight for her bedroom, following the heartbeat sounding in his ears, he finds her asleep in her bed. Without giving it conscious thought, because it's so easy for him, he settles in his chair to watch over her while she sleeps.

How can she easily just trust him? Is the first question that comes to his mind. Seeing her that sound asleep, makes him seriously wonder why she didn't run after he left. She said that she knows that he cares a lot about her, but had he been in her position (with lost memories), flight would've been his first option as soon as he was by himself

How can she trust him enough to soundly fall asleep without him there? He curiously questions himself, but again, he's not complaining, because it's not like he's going to hurt her anyway. She did well not to run away, he thinks as he adjusts his head for a better look at her face, it would've made him restless just thinking that Kai possibly kidnapped her.

She's an easy one to watch over, he silently muses, not knowing that he has a carefully formed fond smile on his face for thinking that. Except the time that she had a fever, she doesn't fuss around in bed. She usually sleeps in the same spot, in the same position until she wakes up, which makes him believe that she gets the most out of her sleep.

She's a heavy sleeper too, and when she's sleeping, she gives her all, leaving not even a little space that is viable for any kind of disruption. He envies that about her. Sometimes, he wishes that he could do the same, but he doesn't have the luxury.

'Bonnie?' he calls even knowing that he won't get a response from her.

'Hmm,' comes from her.

He's not alarmed by it, because it could just be her enjoying her sleep, or a sort of reflexive post deep sleep response that her brain has conditioned itself to have on standby in the event that her name is called and she is asleep.

'You're right...' he tells her with a small sigh.

He certainly doesn't like to admit that, but what has he got to lose? Even if she does happen to hear him, it's not like she remembers what kind of relationship they used to have.

'I do care about you a lot. I don't know if you've always known that, or if you just realised it now, but I _do_ care.'

It would be easier if he didn't care about her. His life would've been a breeze since meeting her, if he didn't care about her, which consequently led to him silently caring about her opinion of him. But his life hasn't been easy since meeting her, because he has always cared about her and her life.

'So, from now on, instead of telling you how I don't care about what happens to you,' he makes his first verbally sincere promise to her, 'I'm going to show you that I do care about you.'

He's been giving a clean slate, so to speak, he would be an idiot to ignore it and carry on with life as he knows it. At least, that's what his heart is dictating. The dictate is so strong, that his head doesn't dare question what in the world he thinks he is doing, not starting on a strategy that will get him back to the girl that he loves and his brother. This dictation must've happened in time that he sat down to watch her sleep and opening his mouth, because when he entered the house from the cave, he expected that he would find her awake and none of what came out of his mouth, had been in his mind.

It's just as well, he realises, it's not like they will be leaving this place anytime soon anyway. It would be much better for both of them, and more friendlier on her memory loss, if they got along like real friends.

It's better that way, he tells himself internally, and then getting up from his seat, he goes to reach for Miss Cuddles, and places her next to Bonnie's sleeping head.

'Night Bon,' he whispers.

He automatically reaches for her face, reflexively running his thumb in a soft stroke across her cheek.

Responding to the stroke, is the silently serene beauty on her face as whole. It's like her beauty stealthily snuck out of its hidden mode at the touch of his thumb, to present itself before him for admiration.

Maybe he should stay and watch over her for a little more before he leaves, Damon finds himself starting to convince himself as he lifts his thumb. It'll only be for five minutes.

* * *

Chapter 5, **Pieces Of Me.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5, **Pieces Of Me.**

* * *

Bonnie lazily opens her eyes. It's not that she hasn't had her sufficient fill of sleep, because she has, it's more that she would rather lounge about in bed and enjoy the temperature in the room. Something in the air feels pleasant to wake up to. She would say that she senses that she's woken up on an extremely good day, except, she doesn't want to think of the word 'sense', because it's too closely related to what Grams said to her. No way does she want to think about _that_ freaky stuff.

Pushing that out of her mind, she turns her head to the side. She wants to inspect both sides of the bed, before making the difficult choice of actually getting up. On the first side that she chooses to turn, she finds a stuffed bear next to her head. Instantly, she lifts her head off the pillow in a rush of excitement. No wonder she feels like she woke up on a good day. Her bear, her best friend from the time that she was six, Miss Cuddles has finally come back to her.

With an overjoyed smile on her face, she scoops the bear up in her arms, welcoming it back to her with a fierce hug and a small squeal. She's sure that if Miss Cuddles could talk, she would tell her to let go so that she can breathe.

'Sorry, Miss Cuddles,' she apologises, setting the bear back on the bed, but still keeps her hand around its soft paw.

She then looks to the other side and discovers that someone is in the chair next to her bed. Thanks to the morning light pushing through from behind the curtains, she realises that the person in the chair is Damon and he _apparently_ fell asleep in the chair.

'Damon,' she softly repeats to herself.

She doesn't mean to wake him up, her only aim is to say his name and find out if it feels familiar on her tongue. She discovers that it doesn't sound familiar to her. She sat next to a Damien Sandero for like two seconds in sixth grade English class, but that's as far as she remembers the syllable 'Dam,' escaping her mouth.

Who _is_ this guy, she wonders while looking at his sleeping face, why doesn't she seem to remember him? He obviously cares that much for her, if he chose to fall asleep in the chair instead of leaving for a comfortable bed. But why doesn't she remember him?

 _Well_ , _Bonnie_ , she tells herself in her head, _you won't get answers by staring at him_.

That's right, she asserts within her. She needs to go out, in the shelter of the day and find out what she couldn't last night when she explored the house in his absence.

Quietly, she removes herself from the bed (keeping a steady clutch on her bear) and stealthily crosses over Damon, getting out of the room at top speed for anyone sneaking out. She really doesn't want to do something silly like wake him up before she's had the chance to investigate her surroundings in the light of morning.

As soon as her last foot successfully leaves the room, she hurriedly makes her way down the hallway and quickly advances to the stairs, so that she can go down them and out of the house. Having explored the house when he left her last night, she knows very well where to go and where to turn. Her last turn leads her out of the front door, which surprisingly, is not locked. Not sparing that detail a thought, she releases her body into the outside air and out in to the street.

Now is her time to try and find out what exactly happened.

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 **26Chapters**

* * *

It's been an odd experiece for her, she finally digests as she lets herself in through the same door that she left through when she woke up earlier. It must be at least two hours after she woke up, but to her, it feels as though she's used up the whole day exploring an empty town.

She can't believe that she didn't find _any_ single person in town wherever she went. And more than that, she doesn't know exactly how to feel about seeing a few of the houses in town that she spent time in, but found no one in them. Even in the two houses that she went back and forth from during all her years of life, didn't have anyone in them. Her father's house hadn't been a surprise to find empty, but Gram's, Elena's and Matt's houses as well?

If she can admit to a particular feeling, it would be that of confusion. She went around in a largely dosed amount of confusion, house by house, ringing doorbells and knocking on doors, to find nothing.

Even now as she closes the door of the only house that she knows to have at least one life, she still can't shake the confusion. What in the world happened here? Was it somehow the end of the world and they are the only left survivors?

She absently walks, driven by her confusion into the dining room, with all sorts of questions running through her head.

Are she and Damon the last survivors of the human race? Or maybe, is she exaggerating and the town's people simply went to gather in another town for an event? Oh no, she thinks, what if it's like that movie... what was it called again?

'You're back!'

Abruptly, she jumps out of her mind, to see where the voice came from. Calmly seated at the table reading the paper (as though he didn't just look up to speak), is Damon, the source of the words responsible for pulling her out of her thoughts. It's not that he scared her, it's more that well, she didn't expect to find him in the dining room.

Choosing not to give him an answer, she moves her eyes over the table. A second place is set, with a section of the paper on the side of it plate. It's just like last night, she remembers, so the place must be hers. How... cute.

She nearly giggles from the sensation brought on by thinking of the arrangement as cute, but fortunately she holds herself in time. She doesn't want to act like an immature kid in front of him, and so, to keep herself from giggling, she goes over to the table, pulls out the chair and then takes a seat.

Just as she's about to reach for his newspaper to force him to put it down and acknowledge her presence, he calmly lowers it, folds it in the middle, then lays it to the side of his plate. He makes his eyes meet with hers, as though silently asking what she wants.

'So,' she immediately starts, 'one question, where _is_ everyone in this town?'

She could take it slow by acting like she's uncomfortable and a little reluctant around him, but then that would be fake, because one, they already had a normal conversation last night, and two, she's not uncomfortable around him for some reason. Maybe the fact that she knows that he cares about her, is the reason that she's _not_ uncomfortable around him.

Judging from his silence and the concentrated look on his face, she deduces that he looks to be thinking about the answer. Well, if he's going to think about it, she might as well fill him in on what she discovered.

'There's no one at my Dad's house, which is no surprise,' she lets him know. 'But then I went to Elena's, and there was no one there either. I thought they'd all gone out, but a trip to the local daycare showed me that there's in fact _no one_ in this town. Where'd everyone go?'

Okay, she's done, he can give her his answer now.

Instead of giving her an answer, he only continues to look at her. As if that isn't enough, his expression changes to something soft and kind of enchanted -if she had to name it, that's what she would call it. What's striking, however, is not only his 'enchanted' look, it's more the smile that spreads out on his face. His smile seems to say that he's happy about something.

She frowns to ask, 'Why are you smiling like that?'

Is there something on her face? But why would something on her face, make him happy enough to smile the way he is?

'You,' is his answer.

It's gentle but clear, and it stills everything around them. For her that is. Bothered by that, she deepens her frown. What is wrong with her? Why is she affected by one simple word?

'What about me?' she wonders, a little worried about hearing his answer.

She's not afraid of him, that much she can say with certainty. However, something _did_ shift inside her when he replied that he's smiling like that because of her. How everything seemed to stop for a moment, was definitely a shift. A positive shift at that.

'I'm just glad to hear you talk again,' he tells her.

The strange thing is, she doesn't believe that he's _just_ glad to hear her talk. It seems like there's more to how he feels than just gladness. She's almost left speechless by her belief, but not quite, because she's still able to say, 'Oh.'

'You were out for a few days,' he continues, 'and I was worried about you.'

Again, that didn't just sound deep, it _felt_ deep too. So much so, that she averts her eyes from him and directs them to her plate. What in the world is wrong with her right now?

Pancakes, she notices on her plate. She hates pancakes.

'I know,' he replies, causing her to look back at him.

No way, did he just read her mind?

'You said you hate pancakes,' he explains why he answered her. 'I know you hate pancakes, but I have to make them anyway.'

'Why?'

At least talking about the pancakes takes them away from his deep worry for her, and how it makes her feel inside.

For the first time since she met him last night, she sees a frown appear on his face. 'Because I did something and I'm being punished for it.'

'Your punishment is making pancakes? How bizarre is that!' And then she remembers. 'Hey, you said I was out for a while? Did Elena and I get into a car crash? Is that why I don't remember anything? And you still didn't answer where everyone is, and that's not even mentioning how I still don't know how we know each other.'

At the end of her last sentence, he positively starts laughing, and she slightly resents that he infects her to smile along with his laughing. Damon then gets up from his chair, walks around to her, and does a very chivalrous thing; he politely holds his hand out for her to take.

'Come with me,' he proposes, a laugh still in his voice, 'We're going to find you breakfast that you _do_ like.'

Something about his proposition is too darn unignorable. She gives in by taking his hand and getting up with a faint smile on her face. This Damon...

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

'I'm just going to say it,' he sparks the first light of conversation.

This is the first time in the ten minutes that they've been walking towards the supermarket, that words are surfacing between them. He insisted that she keep her arm hooked with his, by silently linking their arms and holding it in place. Even now, it feels strange to have her arm hooked with his, but she can't say that it's uncomfortable.

She should've used the ten minutes to think about Damon, but instead, she kept her eyes on their path and just allowed him to lead her along the way. But now that's he's spoken, she stops to look at him.

For his turn, he looks down at her too. 'I'm not really your boyfriend.'

She already knew that, it's no surprise to her. To him, though, she shows a huge grin on her face, and does a little dance of celebration after removing her arm from his.

'Ha! I knew it.'

'The way you're celebrating,' Damon sourly mutters, drawing his eyebrows together, 'anyone would say you dodged a bullet. I'm a little offended, since we're being honest.'

He really _is_ offended, she reads his expression, he's not just _saying_ it. Well, she finds it endearing; his offended look is cute. But to try and ease the offense she caused, she hooks her arm in his again and makes them start walking down the road again. She doesn't want him to be offended, plus, she didn't mean to offend him.

'I'm rarely wrong,' she explains to him, 'and for a little second, you made me doubt my intuition.'

It was for a little longer than a second. In fact, after he got up from the table and left her in the house, she started to wonder if she maybe wasn't mistaken. He said that he knew Elena, but what if he was the exception? After all, every rule has an exception.

The problem isn't even the fact that she doubted herself for longer than a second, it's that she doubted herself, because _he_ made her think that way.

Now that she thinks about it, she should punch him for that. No one has ever made her relent from her certainty, until Damon. Deciding to punch him for placing her in a place she never wants to ever be again, she stops taking step and uses her free hand to punch him on the very shoulder that her other arm is connected to.

'Ouch…' Damon protests, making her believe that her punch did damage, until he continues, 'That weak punch must've hurt your putty fist. I feel _your_ pain.'

One, he's right, the punch did sting a little bit. And two, she wretches her arm free due to his in mock hurt. 'You're…'

'A jerk?' he asks with a raised eyebrow.

That's exactly what she wanted _and_ was going to say, but then he turned and looked at her with a smug look on his face and her thoughts morphed into a string of words that trigger a realisation.

'Comfortable with me,' she completes instead.

Damon, apart from losing the smug expression, says nothing in reply. She imagines that it must be because she's not clear on what she means. It's obvious that he's comfortable with her, anyone would see that, but she means more than just being able to move and breathe around her, and maybe that's what he doesn't understand. Maybe that's why he has no response for her.

'I don't know,' she explains what she means, 'it's like you know exactly how I'll react, and you're looking forward to it. It's not exactly the same with my best friends.'

Still, even after her explanation, he says nothing. Maybe he needs more clarification, she thinks.

She should try to clarify it for him again. 'It's just… you said that you're not my boyfriend, but for you to be this comfortable with me, you must be part of my life. Right?'

Since he made her doubt herself a little earlier, she needs to make sure that he _is_ part of her life by just coming out and presenting the question to him like that. She needs to know who he is to her.

When she was younger, she used to pray for her guardian angel to come down to earth and live with her. She wanted her angel to love her and spend time with her and spoil her, all the things that she felt like she didn't really get to experience. She always wanted a female angel, one that could substitute her mother, but maybe her guardian angel has always been a guy, and maybe, this is him.

 _Oh no_ , she panics, _if he is_ , _then she punched her guardian angel_. That's just great! But on the other hand, if he _is_ her guardian angel, that would explain everything.

After a while of silence, he finally answers, 'You're my best friend.'

That's odd. She has three true friends in total. And then there's Tyler and Melissa from across the street, but she doesn't have any other friends. She spends a lot of time with the girls on the cheerleading squad, but even _they_ aren't her friends. The strange thing is, she remembers all those other people, but why doesn't she remember _him_? How can she not remember him if the two of them are apparently best friends?

He might _really_ be her guardian angel after all. It must be why she can't remember him. And also why he isn't Elena's boyfriend.

'How did I become your best friend?'

The real question that she wants to ask, is _when_ they became best friends. It will give her a clue as to how long he's been watching over her, because in that case, she would readily believe that they _are_ best friends, even if he has been invisible to her until now.

Unlike the previous times that he allowed silence to pass after she spoke, this time is different. He starts speaking almost as soon as she gets the last word out of her mouth.

'You listened to me when you didn't have to. You were patient and no matter how mad you got at me, you _always_ returned. And you know what, every single time that you judged me, I _wanted_ to be better.'

That's it?

She'd been expecting something about being there since the day of her birth and how he's looked after her ever since, but no… From what he said, it sounds like she treated him differently to how he was used to people treating him. Also, she noticed how he seemed to appreciate the fact that she gave her honest opinion on things. That doesn't necessarily seem to fit the profile of a guardian angel.

'Most people hate my honesty,' she says.

People call it judging and they call her a self-righteous goody-goody, but she knows that she can't be any other way. Toning her honesty down a bit, would take away a huge percentage of who she is, and since she can't have much of anything in life, she has to hold on to that honest part of her.

But wait a minute, she should think about what he said. And then she should evaluate what she just said, to see that he's probably not her guardian angel after all.

'Most people like to hear what they like,' he counters, 'Not everyone can take the truth.'

That's reassuring, she smiles her gratitude to him. At least one person in the world shares her view. It really makes her feel warm inside.

'And you know what else?' he asks as he steps into her.

'What?' she eagerly asks. He might just say another thing that will warm her and not make her feel alone like she's felt for all her life.

'I'd take an eternity of your judging to a day of you being unconscious. You have no idea how much you scared me just lying there for days. I didn't know what to do.'

Should she say something and stop him? Her gut tells her that she should probably wait until he finishes. With her mouth closed, otherwise it might ruin everything.

'I've been alone before,' he confesses, 'I know how to be alone, but I've never been alone with you, to almost lose you. No one ever prepared me for that.'

She carefully considers him, mostly stirred by what he said. This guy is really real. He's got a loving heart, that's for sure. A fragile one at that too. Only a heart like his, would expose itself like that.

'I'm really your best friend,' comes out of her mouth. It's not a question.

He barely nods, 'You are.'

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

Much later, after the supermarket and the pop-tarts for breakfast, and her afternoon nap, she comes out of her room, ready to do anything that isn't sleep. At first when she searches in the obvious rooms, she can't find Damon. She goes around the house and even outside it, looking for him, but she doesn't find him. Entering back into the house and nearly giving up on finding him, she discovers a door at the very end of the hallway that leads out of the living room. How did she miss that door when she explored the house last night?

She softly walks towards it, thinking that there's no hurry in getting there. There's no guarantee that Damon will be on the other side of the door anyway, and if that's the case, she doesn't have an interest in getting through that door. She's only interested in finding Damon. When she finally reaches the door, she closes her hand around it and pushes it open.

'Damon?' she calls as she peeks her head through the opening that she created.

She spots him at once, because he's not that far away from the door, and also, either the sound of his name, or her face, literally made him jump up out of his seat.

'Huh?' he meets her eyes with a guilty look on his face.

Why does he look like she just caught him in the act of doing something wrong? Confused by his look of guilt, she looks at him and then at the table he'd been sitting at. On the table, she sees small disconnected metal parts. The biggest of the parts, is circular, around the size of a palm compass.

No wonder he looks guilty, she realises as her eyes travel back to him.

'Is that…?' she wonders with awe. She knows exactly what those small pieces make up when put together.

* * *

Chapter 6, **Portrait (Out Of The Blue).**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6, **Portrait (Out Of The Blue).**

* * *

'I know what you're thinking...' Damon hastily starts.

His unwarranted haste momentarily distracts her from her own surprise, to follow him with her eyes as he goes around the table with the same amount of haste as when he spoke, to meet her. Although more interested in his hastiness, she manages to take a glimpse at his face, to find that he looks afraid of something. Because of that, she's now starting to altogether forget her surprise and lean more towards being suspicious of Damon.

'You're thinking that this is that ancient compass radar that we saw on TV last week,' he tells her with a suspicious smile, 'but it's not.'

Between upping her suspicion a notch and wondering about his strange behaviour, Bonnie doesn't know which to choose. The thing is, her heart is telling her that this is something that Damon would normally do, but her head can't really understand why her heart believes that, not when she doesn't remember anything about him.

Maybe she's the problem, it occurs to her, not him.

Maybe the tone of her previous amazement and, probably her current undecided expression, are the cause of him behaving this way. Maybe she should soften her expression, and then finish her sentence, so that he can understand the surprise that had been in her tone. Maybe then, he won't act like this...

'It's an upgraded version of that,' Damon finishes, but it sounds more like he's asking than saying.

What? She blinks, keeping her eyelids together for longer than the average blink.

When she opens her eyes again, she steals a look at the pieces on the table and as she turns back to Damon, she tries to fit Damon's explanation together with the disconnected pieces on the table.

'Do you really expect me to believe that?' she wonders.

She doesn't mean for that to be a stab or any type of doubt towards him, it's just, well... if she takes _everything_ so far, into consideration, then it's just not convincing.

For evidence, firstly, there's his suspiciously hasty attitude. Secondly, there's the look of fear on his face. And thirdly, his explanation is just bogus, because what in the world is an upgraded compass radar, and who even uses such a thing?

 _Wait_ , she thinks, narrowing her eyes at him, _does he think I'm an idiot or something? I may have lost my memory, but that doesn't make me an idiot._

All of a sudden, Damon's face turns serious and something about his literal... what should she call it exactly? Maybe aura? Well, something about his literal aura just morphs. She can't explain it exactly, but if she had to say how she sensed the change in his literal aura, she'd give the credit to her supernatural sense. Obviously, that can't be true, because the supernatural is just a bunch of mythical stuff, it's not real.

'Fine,' he resigns as though caught out, 'I'll tell you what it really is, but you seem to know what it is anyway.'

Of course she knows what it is. How does he expect her to not know what it is? Being her apparent best friend, he should know that she's been searching for it for years. Two years to be precise.

'That's Grams' dial,' she unintentionally supplies, looking at the pieces.

Having broken it before, she instantly recognised it for what it is, when she burst into the room just a minute ago. And having lost it before, with no luck in finding it for two years, that's what her surprise had been about. Part of her still can't believe that she's found it after all this time, but there it is... Thanks to Damon...

She returns her eyes to Damon, to find that his expression has changed dramatically, to one of someone confounded.

'What?' Damon blinks

What does he mean, 'What' ? She can't figure out what his confounded state is about, seeing as he knows that she knows what it is.

'That's my Grams' dial,' she repeats. 'I lost it two years ago and I've been looking for it ever since. Grams still doesn't know that I lost it. She'd freak if she knew that I did.'

'You're joking, right?' Damon asks, eyes wide with disbelief.

Again, she doesn't understand his reaction. Unless, he really _does_ think that she's an idiot, in which case she's offended. He's supposed to be her best friend!

Crossing her arms in a sort of defence, she asks, 'Do I look like I'm joking?'

'No...' he starts and then pauses before speaking again, 'it's just... I thought you _really_ knew.'

The relief mingled into the resignation that falls over his facial features, catches her attention too, but what interests her more, is what he said.

'Really knew what? What aren't you telling me Damon?'

Apparently choosing not to give her an answer, he takes a long time to look at her. The silence as much as the amount of time that he takes to look at her, makes her really uncomfortable. He may be her best friend, but she doesn't remember him as such, and to be honest, being under his scrutiny, is something that she doesn't want to be. Especially when he has this sexy older guy look about him.

He should really stop looking at her and rather say something now, she thinks, but doesn't open her mouth to say it. The only thing that she does, is uncross her arms. Luckily, just as she's starting to fidget on the spot, Damon evidently gets his fill of looking at her, because he gives her his back and walks around the table, going all the way to the back of the room and comes to a stop at a piano.

Apart from the dial, the table and Damon, she hadn't noticed anything else in the room. But now seeing the piano, she starts to think that there are other things in the room too. Sure enough, when she looks from one side to the next, she sees a clutter of things that don't necessarily look broken or old; they just look not wanted.

She looks back at Damon, in time to see him take a seat at the piano stool. He then looks at her, pats at the spot beside him for her to join her. Although her feet seem to effortlessly make their way to him, internally, she only hopes that he's not going to make her listen to a music piece that he's going to play. While she does appreciate music, piano music isn't really her thing, not unless it involves a composition that she can use in her dance routine.

Nonetheless, she goes over and sits next to him.

'It's an ascendant,' he immediately starts, his eyes set on the white piano keys.

He's not talking about the dial, is he? Is that its real name, because said like that, it sounds like something important. She hopes it isn't as important as its name sounds.

'The dial?'

'Yeah,' he lets out a small laugh, 'that. I think it belongs to the Bennett family or something.'

So it _is_ important.

Great, if he'd never found it, she would've been responsible for losing a family heirloom. She doesn't know much about her mother's family, but that doesn't mean that she wants something as important as an heirloom to go missing from their history because of her. It's a good thing that Damon found it for her. She has to make a note to thank him for it later on, but what's more pressing for now, is that she has to know why he has it.

'Why do _you_ have it?' she wonders. 'Did I forget it here and it's been here all this time?'

It wouldn't be so hard to believe that she forgot her Grams' dial in her best friend's storeroom, or whatever this room is.

Doing so slowly, Damon faces her as though to say that he wants to say what he has to say, to her face. 'Technically, yes, the ascendant has been here all this time,' he answers. 'But I don't mean in this house.'

She wants to ask him what he means, she really does, but the same heart that wants a clear picture of what he means, is afraid that she might not like the answer. It's not so much that she's afraid of the answer, more than she is afraid of the consequences that come with hearing the answer. The truth is, she doesn't know if she is prepared for that. Because of her fear, she only stares at him, waiting for the answer to come out without a prompt.

'This may sound a little crazy to you, but the reason that we're the only ones here, is because we're stuck in the past.'

The tone of his voice and the unwavering look on his face, is convincing enough. Even the way he maintains eye contact with her, is convincing, but the words that come out of his mouth, do the complete opposite of all that.

To think that she'd been afraid of hearing the answer! He's only messing with her it seems, probably trying to see how gullible, or neurotic she is. But she won't fall for it, she's way smarter than that.

'Right,' she lets out dryly, quite unamused.

She doesn't believe him, and she's not going to pretend that she does. If he thinks he can pull one on her, he should know that she doesn't go down silently.

'See?' he asks, raising his right eyebrow just a hint, possibly for effect, 'I knew you wouldn't believe me.'

'Come on, Damon,' she laughs at him, 'do you really think _I_ could believe something like that? Trapped in the past? Really? Time travel isn't possible.'

She's an optimist, but believing in something like time travel, is just ridiculously wishful, not optimistic. If she believed in time travel, she'd have that stupid hope that she could go back in time and maybe try to understand why her mom left when she did. So no, there's no such thing as time travel, except in the movies.

'I didn't think it was possible either,' he reasons in an understanding tone, 'until we did everything to save our friends from dying, and it cost us our precious lives. But thanks to your Grams, we're here. And we're not dead.'

Oh, now she gets it. This must be Grams' plan.

Grams probably found her dial or ascendant, or whatever it is, and then she ganged up with Damon to teach her a lesson for not saying anything about the missing thing. She'll play along, but on _her_ terms; she'll show them...

'Damon, you know that my Grams is a little loony sometimes, right?' she proportionally baits, 'I mean, just the other day she told me that I'm psychic or something. You can't believe everything that she says.'

Okay, she hiccups in a breath, she let too much slip. That part wasn't supposed to come out.

She doesn't want that crazy information out on audible display. If she feels uncomfortable at the thought of being psychic, how does she think everyone else will feel about it? She got lucky with Elena, when Elena joked it away by asking her to predict something for their futures in college, but to expect the same from everyone else? That's just wishful thinking. Like the time travelling thing.

But even though the part about being psychic wasn't supposed to come out, it did and there's no way that she can take it back. From here, she can only hope that Damon won't pay extra attention to the detail about her possibly being psychic, because then he might start seeing her as a freak. He should just ignore it and carry on with his and Grams freaky plan!

'Sheila isn't a loony,' is all he answers, as though disturbed by the idea.

It's like she touched a nerve by saying that to him. Unless he and Grams are chums, she doesn't see how he would be offended by that. _She_ would be offended if someone called her Grams crazy, because it's obviously not true, but that's because she's naturally Grams' granddaughter. Damon on the other hand, for all she knows, might not even be on good terms with Grams in reality.

But since they obviously concocted this plan together, they must be friendly with each other. Well, she's going to show them... How dare they take advantage of her memory loss like this?!

'So,' she gets back to her plan, 'about the ascendant, do you know what it's for?'

When she first found it, she only took it out of her Grams' chest, because she thought it looked pretty cool and pirate-y. It was Caroline, who deemed it a dial. But then somehow –somewhere between the party that she stole it for and going back home- it got lost and Bonnie could never talk to her Grams about it. She never got to find out what it's for.

Looking away from her, he hesitantly answers, 'It's supposed to get us out of here.'

'That thing?' she snorts, 'What, is it like magic or something?'

He only turns to look at her, not giving her an answer. She really wishes that he would stop looking at her randomly, without saying anything.

'Say something,' she urges. 'How is that thing supposed to get us out of here, did Grams _tell you that part_?'

She's getting tired of this little game anyway, it's best that they just put an end to it now. Either he gives her an answer, or he stops looking at her.

'Look, Damon,' she tells him seriously, 'whatever you and Grams are doing, just stop it. It's bad enough that I don't have my memory, okay? I know that I shouldn't have lied to her and kept her lost dial a secret, but I'm sorry, okay? Can you just tell me the truth? I'm getting frustrated with knowing nothing.'

For what feels like the thousandth time, Damon simply looks at her, remaining speechless as he does so.

This time, however, his staring is a lot more toned down in terms of intensity, and yet at the same time, his stare speaks in a silent way to her. She thinks that her mind might have suffered a lot more than just memory loss, because she feels like the way that he's looking at her, is begging for her to trust him and believe in what he's saying. The problem is, how is she supposed to tell the truth from lies when she doesn't even know the person telling her these things.

'Should I even trust you, Damon?' she poses, speaking from a small corner of doubt in her mind.

In her heart, she feels like she can. She feels like she can trust him to look after her and even if she didn't feel like that, there's always the look in his eyes whenever he looks at her, to go by. As scrutinising as his stares seem to her, she can't deny that what makes her uncomfortable about them, is the care in them that she sees. But, still, she needs to know the truth right now.

'I'm telling you the truth,' he finally tells her, 'We're stuck in the past. That thing I said about being alone with you, is true. It's just you and me out here, no one else. Maybe you would rather be stuck here with someone else than me, but don't accuse me of trying to trick you.'

After that, he roughly gets up and just by the way he shoots up, she can tell that she went a little too far, and she hurt him. She didn't mean for that. If she hurts him, he'll leave her and then she'll be all alone.

'No, wait,' she calls, but he's already stepping around the stool to leave. 'Damon, please, wait.'

How did it even get to this point? They started out with the dial, and now suddenly, there's a ripple in their previously easy interactions? How did that happen exactly?

When he turns back to her, it's the look on his face that robs her apology away from her. What would an apology do for him? Some hurts don't automatically go away because the one who caused the hurt apologises, she knows that.

Going by earlier, when they were going to the store and she interpreted his confession as having given him what no one else afforded him, she can understand why he's hurt the way he is. If she can be so bold, she'll do it and think that in a way, he expects more from her. Which means that her accusing him of trying to play a joke on her, hit an entirely sensitive part within him. After all, she does remember thinking that for him to lay his heart out like that, is because he has a fragile heart. Possibly as fragile as hers.

'I just...' she presses her eyes shut. This is going to be so hard... 'I just don't remember you. I don't remember... anything.'

There, she's said it. It's the closest thing that she will get to saying an apology, and it more or less serves as an explanation for this whole mess. On her end at least.

She doesn't want to fight with him, neither does she want him to be hurt, but the fact of the matter is that she doesn't remember him, just like she doesn't remember what she should. And because of that, the beginning of their relationship, is, and will probably be rocky and filled with pebbles for insecurities and lumps for uncertainties.

That's just how it is, and she would like to know that he understands what she means by it. However, if he doesn't, she won't blame him.

Thinking this, also half expecting him to be at the door already, she tentatively opens her eyes for the verdict from him. She finds his eyes waiting for hers, and once they connect, he gives her a minimal smile.

'Fine...' he delivers his verdict quietly. She can tell that he's not quite over her accusation, but at least, she can thank goodness that he understands. 'But you don't get off that easily next time,' he gruffly warns.

Oh good, she breathes her relief in, they're okay. Now to get them to a much more comfortable place... She knows just the thing to distract them from all of this.

'Do you know how to play this thing?' she jerks her thumb at the piano, hoping her choice of distraction will work.

They can talk about the truth later, not now while he's not over being accused yet.

Damon frowns. 'Piano? No, I never played with toys.'

Funny, she studies him, he looks like the type who can do just about anything. But apparently, he can't play the piano? Interesting...

'Me either,' she teases, 'but when I was younger, my Dad signed me up for this music class and I learnt to play a song. It's the only song I know, because I quit after that.'

Curiosity. That's what lights up his eyes as he says, 'Play.'

That's how he asks? It sounds more like a command to her.

'Ask nicely,' she tells him bossily.

Somehow, this feels nice, if she's being honest. It feels familiar somehow, and a lot more welcome. Maybe this is how their friendship is like.

'Please play it for me,' he relents, although, nothing about it, says that he's humouring her.

Good, she thinks with the small hint of smile, (which she hopes that Damon doesn't see). She then makes a show of sitting back down, and then readying herself to play.

Outside her music class, she's never played for anyone, simply because she hates the stupid song anyway. But unfortunately, she will never forget the song.

The reason that she will never forget the keys to this specific piece, is because her horrible music teacher at the time, Mr. Luke had put the song on replay all through class during the first week, before making all eight of his students learn how to play it the following week. She had no choice but to quit music class after that.

Gosh, she hates this song so much. It must be karma that it just happens to be the only song that she knows on piano. There aren't enough synonyms for the word hate in the English language, to describe her true feelings for the song. Not only does the stupid song remind her of Mr. Luke's story of serenading his wife (of eight years, he always mentioned), but it also brings back the memory of her intense dislike of the man.

 _The memory of her intense dislike of the man._

Huh, that's funny. What if she'd lost her memory of Mr. Luke too? She wouldn't hate him anymore, neither would she remember the notes of the song that she's about to play for Damon.

A person's life is just a memory, then, she realises. Without memory, there's nothing; no feelings, no fears, no vulnerabilities... not really anyway.

'Take away someone's memory,' she softly says, lightly pressing the tips of her fingers to the keys, 'and you take away their whole life.'

As though to digest that distasteful fact, she takes in a breath to start playing, when Damon's hand covers hers, making her look at him.

'What?' she questions.

'What did you say?' comes his question.

'Nothing,' she lies, looking away from him. Now isn't the time for that. She doesn't want him to ask her about it. He shouldn't ask her about it.

'I heard you.'

That gets her to face him sharply, a little irritated with him. 'Then why did you ask?'

Damon carelessly shrugs, making sure that his eyes match the tone of his face when he evenly answers, 'I want to know why you said it.'

'I don't know,' she also shrugs, ' I was just thinking. You could've easily been someone that kidnapped me or whatever, and I still wouldn't have had a choice to not believe you.'

Basically, she didn't want to have to tell him that. It's bad enough that she unintentionally hurt him before, she doesn't want to tread on a subject that might most definitely cause him a lot more damage than before.

'If I lie to you, Bonnie,' he tells her seriously, not losing his even expression, 'it's to protect you.'

'Sheesh,' she lets as, along with a frown on her face, 'I didn't say you're lying to me. I just explained what I meant by what I said. Now come on, do you want to hear the song or not?'

She doesn't this to take a turn for the worst, and if they keep talking about it, it will turn sour. What with the way Damon sounded just a tad defensive, she won't take any chances.

For an answer, he silently keeps his eyes on her, as though working something out in his head. He really, really, no, really needs to stop doing that. It doesn't make it easy for her at all.

'Well, do you?' she persists, in the hope that he will say something instead of just looking at her like he's doing.

'Yes,' he tilts his head to the side, 'I do.'

Okay, she thinks as she turns back to the piano, gently lifting her hands a little. It's to communicate for him to get his hand off from hers.

'It's called Can't Help Falling In Love,' she introduces when he lifts his hands, 'and I absolutely don't like it.'

The truth is, she absolutely detests the song, but seeing as it's the only song that she can play on the piano, she feels that it's better to mince her words.

'Good,' he replies, a smile audible in his answer, 'because I just happen to know it and guess what... I'm going to sing along to your playing it.'

'Ugh,' her eyes roll, 'someone just kill me now.'

Again, this, whatever they're doing, feels nice.

'Hey,' Damon protests, 'I've got a killer voice.'

Somehow, she seriously doubts that he sings better than she does. She can hold a melody, but she's not that good at singing, and to imagine that he has a better voice that she does, is a little comical. She won't believe it. Not even if he fakes it.

'I don't care if you sing like an angel. I just hate that song.'

In other words, she would rather not hear it sung aloud, because then it would be stuck in her head like a pesky anthem, for days to come and days to follow.

Surprising her a little by shoulder-bumping her for her attention, Damon tells her something that sounds like a cross between a personal challenge and a promise.

'I'll make you love it.'

'Good luck with that,' she sceptically says, showing him a dare of a smile, because he's just setting himself up for an epic failure.

* * *

Chapter 7, **Quasimodo.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7, **Quasimodo.**

* * *

Damon makes yet another move on the board, but just like the last six moves, with this move, he's not even close to being optimistic for a change. He knows and can see that's he's going to lose, it's only a matter of three two moves from Bonnie and then the game is over. Again.

'We should've played Monopoly,' he half laments for the loss that's about to happen.

Generally, he's used to losing. Losing is something that he's done more than won in his life, but still, he doesn't like losing. He doesn't like losing, so he will be sore about it. He has the right to it.

'Why?' she asks without lifting her head, 'So you could win by cheating?'

Well, yeah, he thinks, as his eyes focus on her thinking of what move to make next. He obviously sucks at Checkers, because this is the third time in a row that he's about to lose the game. If they'd played Monopoly, he would've won at least six times by now. Even if it would've been through cheating.

He doesn't give her an answer, though, because it doesn't sound like she's waiting for an answer anyway. She looks more interested in choosing which move to make, that will make sure that he's not destroyed completely. She seems to want him to be able to make one or two more moves before she annihilates him.

He has to admit, he likes her style…

After she makes her move, she lifts her head to look at him. 'You know I'm only winning because I'm actually _concentrating,_ right? You'd have a shot, if you stopped staring at me for hours each second.'

Quite impressed, Damon lifts both of his eyebrows to simply stare back at her. Like he thought before, he _likes_ her style… How she was able to pick up that he's been keeping his eyes on her, without seeing it happen, is something impressive.

'It's because I don't remember you, isn't it?' she asks in that tone of hers that usually means that she's not really ready to hear the answer.

No, he thinks for a second, it's because she's herself. He won't tell her that, though, because he isn't sure how he'll explain it to her.

'You can tell me the truth, you know,' Bonnie insists. 'You hate that I lost my memories of you, don't you?'

It's a little sad, he contemplates as he stares at her, because while he knows her, she doesn't know _him_ and the kind of person that he is.

If she knew him, she would know that if he _did_ hate that she lost her memories of him, he wouldn't be Damon. As far as he knows, he's still himself, and that means that no, he doesn't hate that she can't remember him. On the contrary, he's selfish in that with her memories gone, she won't be able to hate him and they can have a normal and very functional relationship.

For once, he just wants to be himself and live like a normal person. He doesn't want to keep living up to the standards of Damonism that the people around him have come to expect from him. He's an individual, for the love of something, not a clichéd ball of expectations. Besides, playing the monster role has no point in _this_ world anyway.

'I'm a selfish guy, Bonnie. Don't let my charm fool you,' he coolly admits, 'I'm not really bothered that you don't remember me.'

She doesn't hate him and they've been building an even closer relationship since she lost her memories. How can he want her to have her memories back? Having her memories back will mean the end of so much, so much that he's not ready to give up yet.

It's not easy for him to admit that he's been yearning for a pure friendship such as the one that he currently has with Bonnie, but damn it, he has been yearning for it, and no, he doesn't want to have to give it up by flirting with the idea of her memories returning. He would much rather continue to keep building what they have, so that when her memories eventually return, it'll be hard for her to walk away from their friendship.

'Does that shock you?' he asks after the brief silence.

He's as intrigued to hear her response as he is hoping that his confession doesn't push her a little far from him. If he could hold his breath, he would do it while he waits for her answer. He's _that_ intrigued.

'No,' she lightly shakes her head, and then folds her arms on the table. 'I don't think you are selfish. It's your turn to make a move.'

Really? She's messing with him, isn't she? She has to be.

Suppressing a soft laugh, he bends his head to make a random move, and then looks back at her. 'You sure about that?' he challenges.

'If you were selfish,' she tells him confidently, 'you wouldn't be here without complaining. I haven't heard you complain once.'

That's what she's going by? He hasn't complained, because he hasn't had a reason to complain. There's no one in the world that complains for the fun of it, unless they do, and then that's just weird.

'The fact that you're here, not complaining when you could be with your girlfriend or other people, says that you're not selfish,' she concludes.

He loves, from everything that she said, the conviction in her voice most. He's sure that even if he fought her tooth and nail to get her to think otherwise, it would be no use. It sure sounded like she has that much faith in his character… in his selflessness, even.

The thought makes his heart feel like it's dissolving into a gooey mess. And wow, the effect of it…

'You know,' he smiles, choosing to focus on something she said rather than the gush that is his heart right now, 'if you wanted to know if I have a girlfriend, all you had to do was ask. And it's your turn.'

That's a good distraction, he thinks as he silently tries to make his heart a firmer solid than the current mush that it is. He made a good escape, that allows him ample time to recover. He pats himself even more for the distraction, when she bursts out into a chuckle.

'Fine,' she accepts, while she makes her final winning move on the board, 'I'm curious, so I'll ask. Don't you have a girlfriend?'

Now that he hears her ask that, it occurs to him, that this is the first time in the ten days since she played the piano for him, that she's asking him a personal question. He doesn't know, but when he thinks about it, it's easy for him to conclude that maybe the reason that she hasn't been asking him personal questions, is because she wants to remember on her own, or at least observe and learn them from their time together.

Wow, his heart flutters, almost ruining the recovery that it had been in the process of, Bonnie is really something else, isn't she? Any normal person would do their best to know the person they are stuck with, through actual questions, but not her. Apparently, (and oddly to his heart's unexplained delight) she prefers the old method of (courting) getting to know someone. He hasn't known her to be like that before.

'I do,' he answers a bit absently, half of his mind still pondering.

'Do you love her?' he hears her ask.

Without hesitating, he says, 'Yes.'

He still can't get over the theoretical discovery that he just made; it really touched him in a place that is begging for him to look at her in a new light. How can she just… how can she just _reason_ like that? And _why_ is it such a big deal to him?

'Do I know her?' she quietly questions, making him fully focus on her again.

That quiet manner can only mean that she's uncomfortable to ask that. She must specifically be referring to the memories that she lost, not which she has. And maybe that's why it's uncomfortable for her. It must really be hard for her to not have her memories. He still remembers how she looked at him in the storeroom when she told him that she doesn't remember him, sounding like she didn't have any form of constancy in her life, but he didn't delve deeper into it.

Now, he's starting to get an idea of what being without her memories is really like for her.

'Mhm,' he hesitantly hums his answer.

'What's that supposed to mean?' she frowns, apparently catching on to his hesitation.

'It means that you don't exactly approve of my relationship with her,' he chooses to say.

There's that. And then there's the fact that he doesn't want to prove her right about guys always picking Elena over her. _That_ conversation is still very active and loud in his head, and for someone who knows what it's like to not be chosen, he doesn't want her to feel that way, not even for a second. He doesn't want her to know that she's only his best friend, while he loves her other best friend, Elena. She doesn't need to know that.

'She's probably not serious about your relationship,' Bonnie answers in a matter-of-fact tone. 'I bet she tears you down more than she builds you up.'

Her faith in him, is continuing to touch him in places that he didn't know were able to be touched by simplicity. How is she doing it?

'It goes both ways,' he confesses more as an acceptance to himself, than an answer to her.

While what she said is more or less an accurate assumption, it's more that they hurt each other than they don't. Again, this isn't something that she needs to know. While she had her memories, he over spoke about Elena to her, he's not going to bring Elena into this clean slate too.

'If you say so,' she says, sounding very disbelieving of the fact. 'I guess it explains why you would rather be stuck with me, than her.'

Huh, how did she reach that conclusion?

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

Later in the evening, after at least an hour of debating with himself, he cracks the door to her room open. He knows she's in there, because after they had lunch, she told him that she would be going to her room to take a nap. He only hopes that she's awake. But even if she's not awake, he'll wake her up.

'Bonnie?' he softly calls as he sticks his head through the cracked door.

His eyes find her sitting cross-legged at the end of her bed, with head looking down into a book on her lap. She must've not heard him, because she doesn't change her position.

Smiling to himself, a little charmed by the serene scene in front of his eyes, Damon decides to call for her again.

'Psst!'

That gets her attention, making her look in his way. The confused look that had made a home on her face when she heard the sound, vanishes to be replaced by a soft look when she sees it's him.

Is that how seeing him makes her feel? Soft?

'I want to show you something,' he says, removing his head from the crack right after, to signal for her to follow him.

Even as he takes his first step away from her door, he hears her say, 'That's often around here.' She's not complaining about it, though, he notes.

'Just come,' he mutters.

If he's being honest, he's been enjoying showing her things these past ten days. It's like in showing her around the boarding house and showing her all the cracks within, has been a time to really rediscover himself as a person. It's also given him the chance to be openly vulnerable in front of her, without feeling judged, because this Bonnie is open to taking everything in without judgment. After he shows her what he plans on showing her, he'll take her down to the basement; the last place that he has to show her and explain to her.

But for now, he needs to show her something in the kitchen.

Inside the kitchen, he goes behind the counter to create appropriate distance between them, while he waits for her finally make her entrance into the kitchen. The separation between them will make it easier to start his confession.

Soon after she makes her entrance, she walks to the opposite side of the counter. That's when he throws a blood bag on the counter.

'There,' he says, keeping his eyes on her face to watch for her reaction.

At first, she doesn't react, not visibly at least, she only asks a curious, 'What?'

When she puts it like that, she automatically erases the distance that he'd meant to put between them for a while. He goes around the counter to be close to her, and takes the blood bag off it. He tears into it, pulls it to his mouth and begins sucking from it until every trace of blood is gone from it.

'I'm a vampire,' he says once he finishes.

She has to know that. He doesn't want her to walk in on him someday and then get the shock of her life. Apart from the Kai business and the information that he's withholding concerning her witch side, he wants their relationship to be true, based on trust and honesty (inclusive of withheld information for her protection, of course). Like that, he'll gain her respect, and in the long run, he'll have bonus points when the time comes that she finds out the truth that she currently can't remember.

'Was that blood?' she wonders, looking at the now empty bag in his hand.

It's not so much that she asked if it was blood, it's more the unfazed tone in her voice when she asked, that confuses him. She should be even a little freaked out, so why isn't she?

'Yes,' he answers, dropping the bag back on the counter.

She looks at him to ask, 'Real blood?'

'Yep.'

So that's why she's not reacting like he expects her to. She thinks that he's joking around, not being serious. He'll have to convince her that he's telling her the truth… somehow.

Bonnie looks at him pensively, and then, a few seconds after that, she looks at herself as if in wonder.

'Can you drink my blood too?' she wants to know.

He almost chokes on the shock caused by her question, only to figure out that she's not _asking_ him to drink her blood, but rather, she's wondering if he's able to.

'Yeah,' he accidently sputters out, catching himself in time to evenly add, 'That's what vampires do, we drink human blood.'

Drinking human blood is a delight most of the time, but sometimes, it's a struggle that only vampires who drink human blood will understand.

Lifting her face for their eyes to meet once again, she questions, 'Whose blood is that?'

'I don't know,' he shrugs carelessly. 'I got it from the hospital.'

The blood satisfies him, so whatever else is attached to its properties, he doesn't care about, It's not his concern who the blood belongs to.

'Take my blood,' she tells him.

From the shine in her eyes, and the eager look on her face, there's only one conclusion to be reached; she's lost her mind! He thinks that she's lost her mind completely! That is so _unlike_ Bonnie to willingly give her blood. It's really unlike her, and it even makes him curiously wonder about her, but oddly, that doesn't stop him from stepping closer to her.

'Where do you draw blood from?' she asks, extending her arms out in front of her and then inspecting them.

He still thinks she's crazy, but hell no, he will not give up the chance to have her blood. If she's offering, that is.

'The best place's right here…' he lightly taps on her neck vein, 'but there's also the wrist or that donor vein. I can get blood from other places on you too, like literally almost everywhere on your body, but those would be… intimate.'

And those other places would usually be reserved for a more private and sensual setting, nothing like now, he thinks with a small smirk.

As though she finds what he just funny, she snorts out a short laugh and the drops her arms as she makes her eyes meet his.

'You mean sexual?' she seems to want a confirmation more than she's asking.

At first, he only narrows his eyes. He wouldn't exactly say it's that. If he had to explain it to her, she would most probably think of it as an abuse-like fetish, when it really does have some level of intimacy to it. But, he diverts his thoughts from that, he likes the way that she can read him. It's a little sexy, if he's to admit anything to himself.

For her answer, though, he tilts his head, a little to the side. It's not a yes, but it's not a no either. Maybe she'll read that too…

'Oookay,' she drags out, apparently choosing take his vague answer as it is. 'So, how does blood taste like?'

No one has ever asked him that before, he thinks with a small frown. So naturally, he doesn't have an immediate answer.

'Broad question,' he says. 'Blood tastes like blood. You need to be a little specific, Bon.'

Now that he's thinking about it, the taste of blood is determined purely by the heart that pumps it. It's how he's experienced it to be through all the years that he's been a vampire. The taste of blood doesn't have anything to do with species or gender, it's just about the heart that pumps the blood; the more giving that heart is, the richer and tastier the blood is.

He's about to start telling her this, when she begins to back into the countertop and then pushes herself on top of it. 'Tell me how _my_ blood tastes like.'

On average, humans have evenly balanced selfish and giving hearts, but in some, being selfish is almost non-existent, and in those hearts, the best blood is pumped from. Factors like health versus sickness, that enhance or diminish the taste of blood, can often be considered, but those are just minor factors, nothing too important.

Also, on average, people don't ask him to take their blood. However, here is Bonnie, practically begging for him to have her blood… and it's having an effect on him.

'Come,' she urges calmly, beckoning for him with her hands.

She doesn't even know what she's doing to him, just making the suggestion, because if she _knew_ …

'Are you sure?' he asks, partly hoping that she says no.

'Just come,' she replies, deliberately repeating what he likes to say, in the same way.

Okay, he tells himself, he'll go, but he won't let himself get carried away. He'll taste her blood and that's it! He won't consider all the provoking things that she did and said up until now… no, not one.

When he gets to her, she slides her knees together, to make space for him on her left side as she slants her head to the side to expose her neck. She closes her eyes and that's when her heart begins to race. As hypnotic as it is to hear her heart beating like that, he just stares at her, waiting.

After a while of him doing nothing, she opens both her eyes

'What?' she wonders, confusion written on her face.

'Your heart is beating _way_ too fast,' he explains, 'I'll kill you if I take your blood.'

The reason he compels people to not be afraid of him, is the same reason that blood donors can't have an escalated heart rate as they are donating blood; it's highly dangerous.

'I can't help it,' she smiles shyly, looking down, 'I'm a little scared. It's gonna hurt, right?'

Considering it for a second, he decides that it's not worth it. Blood is the same no matter which vein it comes from.

'Never mind,' he shakes his head from side to side, 'I'll just take it from your wrist.'

'No,' she protests in a wounded whine, 'I want you to try from my neck. You said it's better for you that way.'

Yeah, it's better for him, but if she's going to be scared about it, it's not good. However, her asking like that, makes it impossible for him to say no to her.

'Then close your eyes and think of something relaxing,' he advises, 'Or funny. Just distract yourself from the fact that I'm going to be sticking my fangs into your neck.'

'Okay,' she takes in a breath, closing her eyes again.

Now he feels like he needs to let out a breath just to go through with what she's asking. He doesn't know why, yet, that's how he feels. He must be nervous, or maybe excited to have her willingly offer him her blood.

 _No, Damon,_ he thinks, _you're just tasting, not having a feast on her blood_.

'Just a taste,' he barely utters. It's his form of censoring himself from getting carried away.

To ready himself and allow her more time to calm herself, Damon crosses his left arm over her thighs, for his palm to lie flat on the hard surface of the counter right next to her thighs. Feeling somewhat ready to have a taste of her blood, he leans his face closer to her neck, and then at the last possible second, he brings his right hand to gently hold the back of her neck for support.

And then he does it.

He just presses his lips to her neck and extends his fangs out as he opens his mouth on her neck, without prepping himself the way that he usually does. It's less risky for him this way.

But then he gets a taste of her blood, and his senses just collapse.

His inhibition significantly lowers, while his feral nature increases to the near extreme, making his own blood tingle wildly as Bonnie's blood travels in large portions, down his throat.

He could get used to this. He wants to get used to this…

It's like taking in excess amounts of fresh air through the nostrils, after a long bout of blocked nostrils and inhaling through the mouth. It's like touching your toes in freshly wet sand, but not getting enough of the sensation that comes with it. It's like-

'So,' she breaks out, even though he's still got his fangs in her vein, 'how does it taste like?'

That's all the gravity needed to pull him back to reality. What had he been thinking? He was only supposed to taste her blood and then tell her how it's like. How did he get carried away?

Slightly shocked, he swiftly pulls out of her neck.

Damn! Now he has to get over the loss of her blood in his mouth, compose himself and give her answer all at the same time. Damn!

'In vampire language,' he says almost like he's momentarily choking, 'it's the best I've ever had. In human language, I don't know… it's like warm savoury soup. I don't know, Bon… no one has ever asked me that before.'

He can't summarise the taste of blood, much less find similes that are fitting. He's not articulate to _that_ degree. Blood is blood, it's food to vampires and that's the best summary he has to offer.

Her eyes stay on him, without blinking as though to say that she wants him to continue with a better description. The problem is, he doesn't have a better description, and because of his, he averts his eyes. That's when he sees the blood from her neck trickle down further, and only then remembers to tear into his wrist and bring it to her lips.

'Take my blood,' he offers, holding out his open wrist, 'it'll heal the marks on your neck.'

Without protest or question, -stunning him a little bit- she accepts to draw his blood in. She barely takes his blood in, when she draws back with a disgusted expression.

'Ewww…' she cries, wiping her lips with the back of her hand. 'I wonder if my blood tastes like yours.'

'My blood's delicious,' he brags, knowing full well that his blood can't compare to hers.

'Not to me, it isn't,' she says, pushing her upper body forwards as though to be closer to him. 'Open your mouth.'

'What?'

'I want to taste my blood,' she tells him casually, 'so _open_ your mouth.'

Just for absolute clarity, he needs to know. 'You're going to stick _your tongue in my mouth_?' The tongue is the tasting organ after all.

'Yeah,' she shrugs like it's nothing.

This makes him slant his head to the side, to look at her from a different angle. Is he really hearing what he's hearing right now?

'That's not like you,' he comments with drawn eyebrows.

Should he start to worry about her? Like really worry? It's wild and well, very uncharacteristic of her, but hey, on the other hand, who is he to stop a little fun when it presents itself? Sure, he can remind her that he can easily tear into her wrist for her to taste her own blood from her own veins, but...

She smiles coyly, saying, 'I have my moments… sometimes I just want to do something not ordinary for me,' she sighs then, 'I guess _you_ wouldn't understand.'

'I don't need to understand,' he tells her straightforwardly.

He actually doesn't need to understand the impulse to get out of her usual skin. If that's what she wants to do, then she should do it; he's jumped out of his own skin enough times to know not to judge or expect explanations. Which is why he opens his mouth like she asked him to. He even closes his eyes, because he figures it will work better.

Work better for what, he doesn't know, but…

Upon closing his eyes, he feels the wetness of her tongue –tasting faintly of his own blood- move around on the side of his mouth as if looking for something. Evidently not finding what she's looking for, she moves her tongue onto his, and then it's just her tongue caressing his.

Right here would be a good place to stop, he thinks with as much effort as he can muster. It's like an open-mouthed kiss, only, it isn't and it's driving him a tiny bit crazy to not change that. It's not that he wants to kiss her, it's that he's in a position where kissing her wouldn't be unwarranted.

Luckily, she pulls back just then, releasing him from the torture of containing himself. He opens his eyes in time to catch her eyes dilating. Something's not right.

'What is it?' he asks, suddenly fearful.

The hand on the back of her neck grips her even harder, wanting to keep her in his safe hold until she's okay. In a panic, his mind automatically transports him to the time after he gained consciousness and she wouldn't wake up. Specifically, he remembers the strange effect that his blood had on her, a minute after he fed it to her.

What if it's that all over again? What if she breaks in a heavy sweat and then starts convulsing? Oh no, he can't go through that again. Once had been scary enough.

'Bonnie,' he roughly shakes her head from the back, his voice matching his actions, 'what is it?! Tell me!'

'Huh?' she half moans, her eyes coming back into focus.

He would breathe easy thanks to that, but he can't let his guard down just yet; he has to be on high alert for the worst.

'Talk to me,' he rasps, lifting his left arm of the counter to grip her shoulder.

She better not be thinking of doing anything stupid like passing out on him. He wouldn't be able to handle that.

'I feel funny inside,' softly comes from her mouth.

'Funny?' he wonders with narrowed eyes.

To apparently answer him, she lifts her hand and places it on his left arm, causing a sensational sizzle to run through his entire system. Not because of the sizzle, he jumps back without taking his hands off her.

Did she just do magic, he looks at her curiously, did she really just do magic? More accurately, what's going through his head is, does his blood have something to do with the return of her magic? Because that's definitely magic within her that he felt.

* * *

Chapter 8, **Queen Of Hearts.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8, **Queen Of Hearts.**

* * *

Can he just take a moment to get back to himself? No, really, he feels like he needs a moment to find himself and then contain himself, and then after that, act accordingly.

He didn't get to fully breathe out his relief, that the thing that happened the last time that he gave her his blood, didn't happen like he was scared it would. And he didn't fully analyse the sizzling sensation that she sent through his veins, and now he just figured out that his blood possibly has something to do with the return of her magic?

No, he _really_ needs a minute.

'Did you feel that?' he hears her ask.

At first, he doesn't give her answer, because it hasn't been close to a minute yet, but then he remembers that she said she felt funny and he prematurely pulls himself from his much needed moment to return his attention to her again.

Carefully, as though to look for any irregularities on her face, he studies her, only to find the same kind of beautiful and innocent her face mostly always is. From looking at her face, he can't tell whether the kind of 'funny' that she felt or feels, is good funny or bad funny.

'What?' her face contorts. 'Why are you looking at me like that? Did I hurt you?'

From looking confused just a second ago, her face suddenly turns apologetic as she makes her eyes roam from his face, to the arm that she touched before he jumped back from her.

To a degree, the fact that she looks apologetic, is a relief to him. He slightly relaxes, because it means that there doesn't seem to be something wrong with her. His blood didn't do her any damage.

'Damon?' she calls, lifting her face to his, ' _Did_ I hurt you?'

Did it hurt her, he wonders, did the funny feeling hurt _her_? Because whatever she did, it did not hurt. It felt strange in an inexplicable way, but it didn't hurt him.

'No,' he finally answers.

It doesn't look like Bonnie believes him, because she doesn't change her expression and she continues to ask, 'Then what is it? _Why_ are you looking at me like that?'

He's looking at her like _that_ , because she apparently has her magic back and he strongly suspects that _his blood_ has something to do with it. He's looking at her like that, because how does he tell her that she's a witch? Does he just come out and say that she's a witch, like he did with his vampirism, or does he beat around the bush about it?

There _has_ to be a way to tell her, but he's almost sure that he _doesn't_ want to tell her.

He hasn't considered it at the moment, whether to actually tell her or not, but going back to that first time when she woke up, he definitely had no plans of telling her about her magic. It seemed better then, to not tell her that she had magic powers that were the key to getting them out of the prison world. Now, on the other hand... he doesn't want to think about it.

But the thing is, he silently reasons, keeping his eyes on her face, she _might_ want to know about it. Her magic is a part of her, after all, and if he keeps that a secret from her and she finds out about it, it could cause a ripple in their relationship.

So the question is, if he _does_ decide to tell her, _how_ does he tell her?

He knows; what if he gets her to test her powers on a spell, to make sure that she got her magic back? Before he can decide whether to tell her about her magic or not, he has to be sure that she has her powers back, and that she's not just reacting to the magic in his own blood. Seeing as his blood has healing abilities, it wouldn't be impossible for it to have a 'funny' effect on her, he thinks.

So it's settled, he concludes in his mind, he's going to have her say a simple spell and then see if she has her powers back or not.

Closing his eyes, he tries to think of a simple spell that he's heard her say before. What's the one spell that he knows? There's that… what's it… incindia? Incindia phestos? No, no, it's _incendia_ , not incidia. But what is that phestomas word? Phesma… phesto… No, it's definitely phesma- something.

'Damon,' Bonnie thickly tries, pushing her open palm against his shoulder to shove him back a little bit. ' _What is it_?'

Phesmatos! He triumphantly thinks as he opens his eyes and settles them on her once again. That's the word! Phesmatos incendia. He clearly remembers it from the store when Kai first happened. That's the spell he'll get her to say.

'Say it,' he tells her, completely forgetting that he's been alone in his thoughts.

Bonnie frowns at him, 'Say what?'

Returning her frown at first, he soon realises that she doesn't know what he's talking about it. He realises that he's been thinking instead of talking all this time.

'Phesmatos incendia,' he says aloud to her. 'Say that.'

'Why?' she asks, changing her frown to one that looks like she's worried about his mental state.

'Just say it,' he urges with a hint of urgency.

She might think he's losing his mind just a little bit, but he knows what he's doing.

'Phesmatos incendia,' she says casually, adding, 'Am I supposed to use a different voice or something?'

It would've been better if she concentrated and acted like she actually had an interest in saying the spell, but he figures that it doesn't matter all that much. He figures that a witch chanting a spell will have the desired effect anyway.

'Didn't you feel anything?' he narrows his eyes.

'No,' she answers, shaking her head.

Feeling overwhelmingly relieved, he steps back to her and leans his forehead on her shoulder, closing his eyes to savour the relief. If she didn't feel anything, if she didn't feel the use of magic, then it can only be because she doesn't have her powers back yet. He doesn't understand why it is such a relief to him that she hasn't gotten her powers back yet, he only understands that he's relieved because of it. He won't be as stupid as to try and find out why he feels the way that he feels about it. That's not like him to do. Plus, the answer might leave him with an internal conflict.

'Okay…' she drawls, making it sound like she's a notch higher on the worried about him scale. 'You're kind of acting weird.'

He'll take that, he thinks with a soft smile on his face. Right now, he'll accept that he acted in a way that he normally wouldn't have done. It's funny, that Bonnie of all people, in her memory-less state, no less, has the perfect ability to shake him up, calm him down and make him go through it all over again in one setting... It's like she's regent queen or something.

'I'm weird sometimes,' he chooses to tell her, refusing to remove his forehead from her shoulder just yet.

The truth is, he does feel weird to himself, although he would never admit it any other day. He feels weird about him being afraid to tell her about her magic. How long does he think he can keep her magic a secret from her?

'Damon?' she calls tentatively, giving him a little start.

That shift in the tone of her voice from worry to apprehension-like makes him freeze. It doesn't sound like she's worried about his mental state anymore, instead, it sounds like she's come to realise something that's making her uncomfortable. Could it be that she can feel her magic working within her _now_? _After_ the spell?

He's going to have to tell her after all, isn't he?

'Can I ask you something?' she continues without keeping the patience to wait for him to reply.

Here it comes, he prepares his mind...

Letting out a long breath, she begins, 'I mean, I would like to remember on my own, but… I just want to know.'

There's no point in hiding his face like he's doing, he decides. If she wants to know the truth, then he'll tell her the truth and deal with the consequences afterwards.

Lifting his head, but maintains his stance close to her, he asks, 'What?'

'The pictures in the house, _who_ are those people?'

 _That's_ what she wants to know? She wants to know about pictures? Really? Man, how lucky can he get in one day!

He readily takes the distraction readily, pulling her off the counter and has her by the hand, trailing beside him before she knows it how it happened. He brings her to the first picture of Zach and Carol.

'You can ask me anything, Bon,' he turns to her. 'You don't need to feel like you _have_ to remember everything.'

If the roles were reversed, he wouldn't be comfortable asking for pieces of his life either, but he wants her to know that he doesn't expect the world of him. He knows how important it is to feel like you have the hang of things, even when it seems like you don't, and he admires that about Bonnie. He admires that she wants to stick to who she is and not make herself more vulnerable, but more than he admires her, he wants her to know and realise that she can trust him with anything.

'Anything?' she asks uncertainly like she doesn't believe that he means it.

Well, with the exception of asking about her magic. He doesn't want her to ask about that, but he's fine with everything else, even the deepest secrets that he's never shared with anyone.

'Yeah, anything,' he nods, starting to give her an example. 'Like douche bag boyfriends and all that.'

'Wait, I have a boyfriend?'

It's her tone that's more telling than her question is. It says that she doesn't believe in her own perfection. It's like she doesn't believe in her worth, and much more, it's like she's made herself believe that she has anything to offer than any guy would be interested in. It's sad that she used to think that way... Or maybe she still thinks that way.

'Yes,' he sourly gives, 'and I don't like him, so that's _all_ I'll tell you about him. But look, you can ask me anything else.'

He will not, for any reason, even if she begs him with tears overflowing in her eyes, talk to her about Jeremy Gilbert. That's the one thing that he swears on his immortality that he will never do.

'I don't like your girlfriend and you don't like my boyfriend,' Bonnie makes her head move like she understands. 'So, I can ask you how you became a vampire?'

The story of Katherine, yeah, sure, why not. He's never told it to anyone in detail before, so if she wants to know, he'll tell her about it.

'Uh-huh,' he answers.

'And that thing you said about being punished and making pancakes everyday?'

She really doesn't forget anything, does she? Well, except him, that is.

'That too.'

He's not proud of it, in fact, he's never been proud of what he did that day, but again, if Bonnie wants to know, he won't keep it from her. It'll be a good way to see if she can truly take him for who he is and who he used to be, without recoiling in the end.

'So,' she looks around them, 'basically, I can ask you, absolutely anything at all?'

'That's what I said,' he confirms.

Before she says, 'Okay,' she takes one picture of the table and holds it in her hand.

'Okay, what?' he wonders, his eyes watching her closely.

He can't read her. He can't read if she's planning something or not, and it's putting him a little on edge. But the good kind of on edge.

'Okay,' she looks at him. 'I'll ask you everything...'

He wouldn't expect anything less from her, to be honest. Bonnie's the type of girl who likes to know everything there is to know about something, and once she knows about it, she'll store it in her encyclopaedia of a brain.

'And…' she sounds hesitant.

Pretending to be annoyed by rolling his eyes, he asks, 'What now?'

'Can I ask _you_ something else?'

'Fire away,' he encourages without missing a beat.

The complete trust that he wants to develop between them, will come through various things and one of those things, is showing her that she has a true friend in him. While she does know that she's his best friend, she technically, in real life, doesn't consider _him_ to be her best friend. Even if she did, she wouldn't remember it right now, which means that she needs all the help that she can get, to get to the complete trust stage in their relationship. He'll make use of every opportunity to help her get there.

'Grams…' she starts, fading off before picking up again, 'she kind of told me that I'm psychic…'

And they're back to where he doesn't want them to be...

'I told Elena about it,' she confesses, 'but she thought it was a joke.'

What is she getting at? He wonders in complete silence, a little afraid that any small word from him, will trigger the questions into what he's really afraid of.

She places the photo back down on the table, to focus her attention on him. 'I guess, I just… if I _was_ psychic… if I told you that I was psychic, how would you feel?'

Wait, why does it sound like she's asking for his approval? He thinks for a fraction of a second before shaking it out of his head to concentrate on the question that she asked; if she told him that she was psychic, how _would_ he feel?

That's a tough one, he thinks. If she does tell him that, then it would mean that somehow, she feels her powers within her and she can't ignore them. The implication behind all of that, would be that he would have to tell her from the beginning to end about her magic, and how it can -through the ascendant- get them out of this place. As to how he'd _feel_ , he'd feel like he had no choice but to tell her about her magic. For that reason, he shrugs his answer.

'To be honest,' she says, 'I feel like I'm more than that. The fact that you're a vampire makes me believe that I could be psychic, or more. I don't know, but it's not hard to believe anything you tell me. So... _am_ I psychic?'

Great, she's doing that thing where all the responsibility for her trust and happiness falls into his hands. Why did she have to do that? Didn't he tell her that he's a selfish guy?

It's not fair that she's placing all this trust in him, and innocently believing that he'll do right by her, because now he _has_ to tell her the truth. He didn't want to have to do that just yet!

'You're not psychic,' he tells her flatly. 'You're right, though, you _are_ more than psychic, because you're a witch.'

He's said it, and she's giving him nothing in return. Her silence makes him believe that she's thinking along the lines of accusing him for keeping it from her. Had he been in her situation, he would be thinking like that, so it's only natural that he thinks she would be thinking the same way.

It's extremely important to him, that she doesn't lose her faith in him, because if she does, he won't like it.

'I know you're going to think that I lied to you,' he starts, reaching for her hand, 'but I didn't want you to pressure yourself with trying magic just yet. I should've told you, but I just wanted to protect you for a bit.'

He joins their fingers for even a little bit of his desperation to rub off on her, so that she will accept his reasoning for what it is and not question it.

'Please don't be mad,' he asks of her, taking a step closer to her.

'I'm a witch?' she asks him. 'Like abracadabra, witch?'

After all that silent staring, she hasn't really been thinking what he thought she would be thinking? Okay...

'Avada Kevadra, actually,' he jokes, trying to bring lightness to himself.

He watched one of those Harry Potter movies, and at least in that movie, that's what the guy said. She probably won't remember the reference, unless she does...

'But, I'm a witch, right?' she digs for an actual confirmation.

She looks so adorable when she makes her face look like that, that even if he did want to lie to her, he wouldn't have the heart to.

'You're not just a witch,' he tells her.

She's part of Qetsiyah's bloodline and heck, that witch had a whole hell of powers. Anyone connected to Qetsiyah, couldn't and wouldn't ever just be a witch.

'You're a Bennett witch, Bon,' he finishes, 'which yeah, when translated means kick-ass.'

Seemingly stunned and touched in varied proportions, she gives him a look that momentarily asks, 'what', but then it's quickly replaced by a look that he can only describe as fascination. Or maybe thrilled.

Her fingers that are joined with his, press hard against his hand as her eyes develop a smooth shine in them, making it look like a star was just born in her eyes.

'Come with me,' she tells him, 'I have something to show you.'

'What does it involve?' he asks, getting highly suspicious of her.

'You'll see,' she promises, tugging on his hand, 'Just come with me. I'll show you.'

Why does he have the sudden suspicion that her wild side, that side that she spoke about earlier, that side that she sometimes just wants to unleash, is the one in control right now? And for the love of blood, why does that thought excite him into being _this_ close to scooping her up in his arms and whoosh away with her, as he says, 'Lead the way.'?

* * *

Chapter 9, **Roads Untraveled.**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9, **Roads Untraveled.**

* * *

She tilts the glass back against her lips in a rush, to quickly drink up the alcoholic content in one go. She doesn't have the luxury of taking in small sips or even savouring the taste, because she still has a long way to go with her magic. She has a _long_ way to go...

Once she has swallowed the alcohol, she then sets the glass atop Qetsiyah's headstone and looks at Damon. She should feel bad about putting alcohol on her dead ancestor's grave, but she doesn't.

'You're going to turn me into a drunk,' she says to him.

If it wasn't for him, she wouldn't have taken the first, the second or the third shot of whisky today. Or the glasses dating back to when he started the challenge two days ago. She's had at least one full bottle of whisky to drink between two days ago and now. And it's _all_ his fault.

'No,' he refuses to take the blame, ' _you're_ turning yourself into a drinker. You could easily stop drinking if you just took my blood.'

There he goes with the same suggestion that she doesn't like again. When will he give up on that?

'I don't like the taste of blood,' she decides to tell him, because evidently straight out refusing hasn't gotten the point across.

'Is the excuse she gives today,' Damon narrates in a different voice from his own, 'but Damon knows what the real problem _is_. She always seems to forget that he _knows_ her!'

He likes to brag that he knows her, and she wishes she could say the same to him. One day, she will, though, she'll tell him that she knows him too, and she'll brag about it just like he does. It's just she hasn't had the chance to yet.

To ignore what he said, she gathers herself up again, to start trying her powers. She's determined to do this on her own, so she will.

'I'm trying again,' she tells him.

'You know what to do,' he reminds her with a smirk.

Either he wants to rub it in her face that she's going nowhere with her magic, or he just wants her to feel irritated enough to take his blood, because his smirk -and his challenging crossed arms- are clearly provoking her to one of those two things.

Whatever he wants of a reaction from her, however, she stubbornly thinks, she won't let him have it. She won't let him win.

 _She_ was the one who showed him the book that glowed whenever she put her hand on its cover, and _she_ was the one who decided to work on her magic since he told her about the glowing book as a book of spells, so _she_ will not be cowered into doing things _his_ way.

Thinking that, she pours a little whisky into her glass, and sets it down to wait for her to inevitably fail.

She'll fail this attempt too, she knows that, but she wants to be stubborn for a while. While she does feel the presence of magic within her, she also knows that it's only at its potential stage, not its working stage yet. Damon has a theory that if she takes his blood, she might be able to _actually_ start using her magic. He's told her about how he thinks that his blood is responsible for her even being awake in the first place, starting from the time that her heartbeat changed when he gave her his blood, to how her powers suddenly sparked to life after the last time that he gave her blood. The frustrating part is, she actually sees the sense in his theory, but at least with her magic, she has to push herself and refuse help. If it takes forever, she'll keep trying.

'Ava...' she begins behind closed eyes. 'Munero...'

Like the previous times, the powers thrum inside her, but nothing happens. Even as she thinks to say the next word, she knows that she won't get anything to happen. It's just as well that she feels Damon's hand on her wrist then, because now she has an excuse to open her eyes.

'Drink?' he offers, presenting the glass in her face as his other hand lets go of her.

Grabbing the glass, she knocks it back into her mouth and then responds with, 'You're just enjoying this, aren't you?'

'Pride is hard to swallow, I know,' he shrugs like what he said is nothing. 'I get that you want to hold on to it, but sometimes you just have to _let it go_.'

'You're making,' she starts and then makes a zero sign with her thumb and index finger, to continue saying, 'sense.'

'I'm talking about you,' he flatly says. 'You're fine with me telling you about everything that you don't remember, but you have too much pride to let me help you regain full use of your magic. Am I wrong?'

As a matter of fact, he nailed it, that's what he did. That's why he always brags about knowing her, because he does know her.

But to be fair, he wouldn't like it either if he barely had control over his vampirism, and _she_ offered to fix that with her magic. It would be like stripping away what little bit of power he had over himself. In short, her help would say to him, that he's incompetent. She sees his blood offer in the same light.

'Do I have to answer that or can I just drink?' she tries to avert his confirmation question.

It's not that she doesn't want to answer the question, it's more that she can't make them travel on that specific road just now.

'And she says _I'm_ turning her into a drunk...' he muses as she reaches out for the bottle on the headstone.

She sticks her tongue out at him and he responds by taking hold of it in between his thumb and index finger.

'Heeey!' she protests sourly. He should let go of her tongue!

Damon seems to interpret her protest, because he lets go of his tongue, takes a step back and starts laughing.

Seriously, she thinks, trying to keep herself from being infected by his laughter, this Damon!

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

With the necklace she found in the storeroom, safely clutched in her left hand, Bonnie makes a quiet excited dash to the kitchen, to where she knows Damon is.

After these three weeks, she's become a pro at knowing where Damon's likely to be when he's not with her. In spending as much time as she has been spending with him, she's come to know so much about him that at times, she doesn't even need to hear him speak, she only needs to see his face and deduce from that, what he could possibly make to come out of his mouth.

If she's being completely real with herself, she knows that she's never (not from what she can remember anyway) had as much fun with anyone else. She can't say that she's fully had the chance to be a little wild and extravagant and herself at the same exact time. She'll admit that Damon's spontaneity has rubbed off on her, and well, she can't remember ever feeling like she's been feeling these last three weeks since she discovered that she's a witch.

She guesses that's why he's her best friend.

When she appears in the kitchen with a smile on her face, ready to make Damon guess what she found, the sight of Damon in an apron, holding a bowl in one hand and a manual whisk in the other, stops her in her tracks. Stunned, she halts and pulls a frowning face.

What in the world is Damon doing, mixing something in a bowl an hour after they _just_ had dinner?

'What are you doing?' she asks from where she is.

She's a little sceptical to go any further, in the event that he somehow… She doesn't, she just doesn't want to move to him just yet.

Damon looks up at her with what looks like a secret smile on his face. It makes him look incredibly cute, but she's more concerned that he has it on his face in the first place. What is he doing?

'Making cupcakes,' he tells her and then returns to what he was busy with.

She's seen him in the kitchen before. She's seen him when he's making something in the kitchen before, which is the reason that his current behaviour makes her have a little sceptical to approach him.

When he makes pancakes, –as he insists on doing every-single-day- he's usually got the CD player on, and partly dances and hums along to the songs, while he takes swigs from his alcohol bottle in between breaks.

When they make either toast or pop-tarts together, he usually deliberately gets in her way, with a big sneaky smile on his face, just because he knows he'll be getting in her way on purpose.

And sometimes when he makes lunch, he's as serious as serious can be, as if one smile from him, will determine the entire failure of preparing the food.

All in all, she's never seen him with a secretive smile on his face while preparing food, like he's in on a secret that will surprise the life out of her. It's not unpleasant to see it on him, but it is a little suspicion arousing. Apart from cute, of course.

'Cupcakes at nine in the evening?' she questions, not really expecting an answer, not with that smile on his face anyway.

But, as intrigued as she is she to find out what's gotten into him that he's randomly making cupcakes, she won't ask him, much less ask him about the meaning behind his secret smile. Instead, she decides to walk to him.

Balling the necklace in the palm of her hand, she closes her hand into a fist while she quickly makes her way to stand next to Damon behind the counter. To mess with him, she sticks her finger into the bowl to get a little fill of the batter, and she then pulls it out to pop it into her mouth.

'A little more sugar,' she jokes, because she finds the batter perfect as it is.

For a response, he only looks at her sideways without giving her a verbal answer.

'Well, anyway,' she fully faces him, moving on, 'guess what I found.'

Although he doesn't stop his mixing, Damon _does_ narrow his eyes as if he's trying to think. In the end, after three seconds, he apparently gives up trying to think about it, because he finally asks, 'What?'

'You're supposed to guess,' she sulks a little bit. Sometimes, he really does things on purpose with her.

'Just tell me,' he says.

It's like he's interested, but just not interested enough to stop mixing his precious cupcakes and look at her. Damon sometimes...

'Look what I found,' she happily announces, bringing her left fist in between them.

For the first time since she came in the kitchen, Damon actually stops his mixing to look at what she's presenting.

'Your fist?' he wonders dryly.

Why didn't she see that one coming? Would it kill him to have a little enthusiasm? Can't he tell that she's excited about what she found?

Nonetheless, despite Damon's lack of enthusiasm, she opens her hand to reveal a simple necklace.

'Ta-da!' she exclaims, thrusting her open palm up for him to get a better look. 'I found this necklace.'

She bets that to the average person, it wouldn't make sense why she's hyped up about a single gemmed-necklace, but to her, it's the perfect thing in the world. She loves it so much, that she can't hold it in. Simple, is her kind of style, simplicity is the kind of thing that she loves with all her heart.

Because she's attentively watching his face for a reaction, she sees the immediate change of expression on his face.

He must recognise it, she thinks, that can be the only explanation. Seeing as this is his home, he must know who it belonged to.

Without a word to her, he reaches for it and takes it between his fingers to uncoil and hang it down his fingers, while he seemingly examines it with a slanted head.

'Is it yours?' she asks with a little disappointment, just then realising what his recognising it means for her.

She had been hoping that it was just an abandoned trinket that no one cared about, and she could claim it for herself, but if he recognises it, then it means that she can't have it anymore. She really wanted to keep it as her own.

'My mother's,' he replies thoughtfully.

 _Oh_ , she internally thinks.

She doesn't verbalise it, because his thoughtful tone makes her realise that this is one of those times that they've been having recently. They haven't really had them often, but she knows the beginnings of a vulnerable moment, and this is definitely one of those baring-your-heart moments. She needs to remain quiet until he needs her to talk.

'I wanted to give this to El- my girlfriend,' he starts. 'It's the only thing that mother left behind when she died, and I was going to give it to the woman that I loved. It's what I've always wanted.'

His silence following his confession, is an indication that he needs for her to ask or say something to him before he gets carried with his narration and goes too deep.

'Why can't you give it to her now?' she asks, regretting it almost immediately.

For one thing, he probably lost it in the store room and could never find it, and for another, the most important of both of them, is that they're stuck in this world and he doesn't have access to the woman that he supposedly loves.

To her luck, however, Damon doesn't seem to consider her insensitivity, because he gives her a fluid answer anyway.

'Because my brother already gave it to her.'

That can't be right, she thinks, what does one thing to do the other? Why is he making it sound like he and Stefan shared the same girl, and because Stefan gave it to her first, he can't give her the same gift?

Unless he literally can't carry _this_ necklace to their timeline when she gets her magic under control, she doesn't see why he can't take this necklace to his girlfriend. Never mind that _she_ wants it, because it's technically Damon's to give to whoever he wants; she'll just have to do without it. So what if two girls in Mystic Falls have the same necklace? It won't be like they got it from the same guy.

'It just sounded like you and your brother fell for the same girl,' she tries to make him see how wrong he sounded. 'That can't be right, because that isn't like you at all.'

He gives a look that she can't interpret as she says, 'Then maybe you don't know me.'

'I know you,' she counters, pulling a face.

'Trust me,' he sternly insists, 'you don't know me.'

The way he says it, is like he's convinced to the last letter that she really doesn't know him. That may have been true in the first ten days since her memory loss, but it's been a month since then and she's gotten to know him pretty well. He can't tell her otherwise.

'I know three very obvious things about you,' she says, attempting to lighten the topic.

'Please,' he mockingly begs, 'name these obvious things.'

'Um...' she begins, 'I know you have black hair. I know you have blue eyes. And I know you're a vampire.'

If that doesn't lighten him up, then she doesn't know what will.

'Wow,' he flatly replies, returning his eyes to the necklace between his fingers, 'you really do know me.'

What is wrong with him, she wonders. Is it the necklace, or does he really believe that she doesn't know him like she's supposed to? Why is he downhearted all of a sudden, like he's disappointed? Does he for some reason believe that he's not a good person? Because that's just not true.

Maybe it's time that she stopped joking and gave him the truth.

'I know you're patient. I know you love with all your heart. And I know that as much as you love being a vampire, you'd sacrifice it if...'

From there, she can't think of anything to continue with, so she just trails off, hoping that he believes her.

'You're delusional,' is his flat answer.

Wow, then he does believe that he's not a good guy. What makes him think that he's not a good guy, she wonders.

'No, Damon,' she counters, slightly miffed with him for not believing her. 'I know you.'

No matter how much he wants to convince her otherwise, she does know him, and she knows that he's the best friend that she wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

'I know you're patient,' she continues before he has the chance to contradict her, 'because you were the one who told me that my magic can get us out of here, but you haven't been pushing me to get my powers right.'

Sure, he's been telling her to take his blood, but he hasn't been forcing it on her at every turn, of every minute, of every day.

'Maybe I just like to see you drinking,' he answers. 'Maybe I find it entertaining. That's not patience.'

He _would_ say that to ignore that she's right, she quickly reasons, it's not surprising. He's apparently got in his head that she doesn't know the real him, and that's a mistake, because she knows him very well.

'And I know you love with all of your heart,' she carries on, 'because any other guy would've made a move on me by now, regardless of whether they find me attractive or not.'

'Did you ever consider that I didn't make a move on you, because you're not my type?'

That's a load of trash.

'Please, Damon,' she dismisses, unimpressed by his weak response. 'Guys are guys, and sex for them doesn't necessarily have to be with the ideal person. Especially when they're out of options.'

'Then maybe sex isn't the centre of my world,' he tries.

'Ha!' she snorts. 'You're a guy, aren't you? And a vampire at that.'

She still remembers what he told her about vampires and the extremity of their feelings and passions, and of course, desires and cravings. She won't believe his 'not really interested in sex story.'

'Come on, Damon,' she bounces on her feet, 'just admit that I know you. I _am_ your best friend for a reason, you know.'

He looks at her for a second and then, 'I said _you're_ my best friend. And anyway, why do you want me to admit something that's not true?'

'Because I _do_ know you. And I also like being right,' she adds as an afterthought.

'Okay,' he seems to accept, 'I'll admit it, if you can convince me. Why do you think I'd give up being the one thing I love being the most?'

'Actually…' she starts thoughtfully, only to realise that she doesn't know why she said it. 'I don't really know why I said that.'

She believes what she said, that he would trade his vampirism, but she doesn't know why she said it. It's just that something in her heart tells her that if he had the right reason, he wouldn't hesitate to give up his vampirism.

'Then you don't really know me,' he concludes, sounding very proud of himself.

Og, he has such little faith in her, she huffs and then takes the necklace back from him. Why can't he just give her credit?

'Fine, whatever,' she chooses to let go. 'But as your best friend, can I at least wear the necklace? I like it.'

She turns so that her back is facing him. It's not just that she likes the necklace, it's that she really loves it, and she wants to wear it. Since they've established that he can't give it to the person that he wants, he might as well hand it down to her. There's no point in something _that_ precious going to waste. She only hopes that he agrees.

'Put it on me,' she instructs, taking in a breath to hold in right after that.

She throws her hand with the necklace over her shoulder, so that he can put the necklace on her. While she realises that he would rather be doing this with the woman that he loves and not her, she really, really, really wants to wear it.

Surprising her, he takes the necklace out of her hand and easily slides it around her neck and then fastens it at the back with ease. It surprises her, because at the very least, she thought she would hear him make a comment about how it's not be worn by _just_ anyone.

'It's yours now,' he whispers in her ear.

Provoked by his words, a soft chill runs down her neck, that she automatically finds herself rotating on the spot and standing on the tip of her toes to give him a kiss on the cheek. She allows for her lips to linger on his cheek as a way of silently saying, 'Thank you,' to him and then pulls away. She finds him looking at her pensively.

'You surprise me sometimes, Bonnie Bennett,' he says like he's in awe of her.

'Right back at ya,' she happily replies.

She didn't think that he'd let her have the necklace, knowing that he wanted to give it to the woman that he loves.

He raises his eyebrows and then draws them together to show that he doesn't get what she means by him surprising her sometimes.

'Cupcakes!' she points at the bowl on the counter.

She still doesn't know what the deal with the cupcakes is, but she mostly means that he let her have the necklace without a word of protest.

'Ah! The mystery cupcakes,' is all he replies with before going back to pick up his bowl.

She watches him closely for a second, before asking, 'Do you need any help?'

'With this? No. Just stand there and bother me. I like it when you do that.'

For his response, she socks his side with her elbow, as a gooey feeling forms in her heart and travels all the way down to her stomach. Ah, this Damon...

* * *

Chapter 10, **Ride The Wave.**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10, **Riding The Wave.**

* * *

Before her eyes open, a faint sugary smell hits her nostrils. Her mind is awake, because obviously her nose is working, but she can't bring herself to open her eyes just yet. She first wants to bask in the sweet smell of whatever her nose can smell, and once she's had her fill, she'll open her eyes.

'Hmm,' she lightly moans.

The smell is really sweet. She can't describe it as something out of this world exactly, but she finds it really sweet; the kind of sweet that washes down your throat and makes you want to spend all day in bed to continue eating it.

Is she dreaming maybe, she wonders, could she be in a dream where the second that she opens her eyes, she'll be in the perfect place, doing the perfect thing, and living through the best experience of her life? Is that what this sweet smell is telling her? Because if it is, she won't mind it all that much.

Sure, she's been living a serene and happy life just her and Damon until now, and sure she doesn't have a single complaint about it until now, but she can't refuse a dream that starts off with a sweet smell like this. She'd be a fool to abruptly pull herself out of this dream before time.

She takes in a whiff of the smell close to her nose, just to savour it for a little bit longer, as a smile starts to spread on her face. It's really a sweet smell, she thinks, a smell that reminds her of buttered frosting and warm moist sponge cake.

'Enjoying yourself?' a voice breaks through her quiet and savouring moment.

Damon! Is he in her dream?

To find out what Damon's doing in her dream, she begrudgingly starts to open her eyes, taking note that the sweet smell isn't disappearing with the opening of her eyes. That's good at least.

Her eyes fully open to find a single cupcake with two lit candles in its centre. She closes her eyes again, to gather her thoughts out from dreamland and into reality. When she opens her eyes again, she finds the same cupcake right in front of her nose, with its candles still burning just as they did the first time that she saw the cupcake.

Confused, she slowly pulls her head from her pillow, making her body carefully follow her head's lead into an upright sitting position on the bed. She leans her back on the headboard to take this scene in properly.

It's then that she sees Damon's hand holding the cupcake in place, and that's how she realises that he's been holding the cupcake to her nose since she started smelling the sweet smell. Remembering that he made cupcakes last night, she quickly gathers that no, she hadn't been dreaming, but really smelling the cupcake.

She looks from Damon's hand to the cupcake in his hand, then looks at his face. She watches him as he gets off his knees to stand on his feet, with the cupcake still in his hand.

'What's that?' she asks him.

She's not necessarily asking about the cupcake, it's more that she wants a full explanation of what's going on. It's not even that she minds him being in her room before she's fully awake, because she doesn't care about that. It's just that she needs an explanation. Especially since she's just fresh from sleep.

First looking at the cupcake and then back at her, Damon puts on a big smile to answer, 'It's your birthday.'

A frown instantly surfaces on her forehead, clearly confused for a moment. It's her what? Birthday? It can't be her birthday. The last time that she checked –and this was clearly last night when she came to bed- it was still the fifth of May 1994. As far as she knows, they are still in the repetitive world.

'Today?' she finally asks after her pensive moment of silence.

'Hm-mh,' he confirms with a hum just as seemingly excited as the smile on his face.

Unwilling to believe him, she takes a look at the cupcake in his hand again. Now, she knows that he made cupcakes last night, because she was there. And then there's the big smile on his face, that looks extremely excited, so she knows that he can't be faking this or taking her for a ride, no matter how much he likes to mess with her sometimes.

'Did we go back?' she wants to know.

Maybe, somehow the Prison World gave them up and they're back to the real world again.

'Nope,' he tells her with a shake of his head.

Okay, now she's really confused. All of his answers until now have been confusing and hard to swallow. None of this makes sense to her. If it was a dream, she would understand the inconsistancies, but it's not a dream, so she finds it hard to understand any of it.

'We're still...' she starts, looking around the room to confirm, 'Is it still the fifth of May 1994?'

'Yes.'

To add more confirmation to his answer, is Miss Cuddles on her side of the bed where she usually sleeps. And even more, the sheets are the same ones that she's been using all this time and... She looks around the room for another confirmation, finding that she still needs more proof.

While she continues to look around, Damon uses this time to go around the bed to Miss Cuddles' side, and sit on the bed, leaning on the headboard like she's doing. She turns to him, confusion still running through her mind.

'Then it's not my birthday,' she tells him. 'I'm born in November.'

If they are still in the Prison World, then it can't be her birthday. She may have lost some of her memories, but she would never forget her own birthday. It's the one day in the year that doesn't like as much as she should.

'Twenty-six days before Christmas,' he happily pin points, keeping him smile as big as it originally started. 'I know. But I kept track of the dates since we got here, and that's how I know it's your birthday. Look, there's a candle for each decade of your life.'

'Oh,' she gasps, positively taken aback by this.

So, when he was making the cupcakes last night and he didn't want her help, he was deliberately thinking of her?

'Wow,' she lets out again.

She can't believe it. She can believe this, but she can't believe him. He must be unreal; the fact that he made it his mission to do something special for her birthday, even though he already gave her the necklace that's around her neck, is so...

'So are you going to make a wish or not?' Damon interrupts her thoughts, getting her to focus her eyes on him again.

She doesn't know what to think, because it suddenly feels like she'd been standing at the sea shore when a big wave came for her, sweeping her off her feet and carrying her with it back to the sea. Not only does she not know what to think, she also doesn't know _how_ to feel.

'Make a wish, Bon,' he urges, pushing the cupcake towards her face.

She can't decide how to feel. It's like she wants to melt and explode at the same time. It's like she wants to close her eyes and write this off as a pleasant dream to treasure for all eternity, and she wants to keep her eyes from blinking in the case that they do and she misses even a fraction of this.

Oh, this Damon of hers... Her best friend...

He can't imagine what he's doing to her. All her life, she's not enjoyed any single one of her birthdays, because her parents were who they were and she couldn't ever throw lavish parties like Caroline and Elena did. If she ever dared to throw a party with the money that her father usually gave her for her birthday, her parents would never be there anyway. She never wanted to throw a party where her parents couldn't show her off and shower her with birthday wishes in front of everyone like her friends' parent did to her friends.

But Damon's seemingly small gesture, one that obviously came from the heart-

'Bonnie,' Damon calls, and then she feels his finger lightly run down her cheek. He must be trying to get her attention, she thinks as she returns to the now.

'Hmm,' she replies and then looks at the cupcake.

Seeing the cupcake, she remembers what she's supposed to do, so she quickly closes her eyes to make her wish. She forgets to factor her current age and the difference between the age she had been at the last memory that she has.

Behind closed eyes, she wishes with _all_ her heart that her next birthday will be exactly like this. No different, no additions, just like this _exactly_ ; with the same feelings and everything.

'Please,' she quietly begs for her wish to come true, and then her eyes open.

'Now blow out the candles,' he enthusiastically instructs.

She quickly pulls in a breath, letting it out towards the candles which die out at once. It's only then, that she remembers what the two candles represent. Although she wants to bring it up, she doesn't get the chance to do it, for the reason that Damon invites her to dig in by lowering the cupcake between them and gesturing to it with his hand.

'Happy birthday, Bonnie,' he utters in a cross between a whisper and a breath.

On her life, she swears that not even the sweet smell that woke her up, is comparable to the sweetness within Damon's tone when wished her a happy birthday just now. Butterflies spring up in her system and she just...

 _Ah_ , she just...

Sneaking a look at him to just appreciate him for a second, she finds him eagerly waiting for her to have a taste of the cupcake. That's why she decides to ignore the butterflies that suddenly made a home in her stomach from nowhere, to make to take the cupcake from him, but he moves it out of her reach.

'Nah, uh, uh,' he tsks as though he finds her behaviour a little naughty, 'Aren't you forgetting something?'

Of course, it hits her. How can she have forgotten to thank him, when he did _all this for her_?

'Thank you,' she immediately rectifies her mistake, making her eyes meet with his for him to see that she means it from the depths of her heart.

Shaking his head, he wordlessly taps his index finger on his left cheek, and leans his face towards her, indicating that she should kiss it.

'Oh,' she realises, turning the corners of her lips up.

That's what he wants, she fondly thinks as she leans to him and kisses his cheek. When she draws away, she finds him tapping his right cheek as well. Laughing, she easily leans in again, and kisses the right cheek too and then draws away just like before.

'Satisfied?' she wants to know with a soft laugh.

He nods like a little boy who just got the present of his dreams as he brings her cupcake closer again.

'All yours,' he gently urges into her hand.

At first, she hesitates to take the cupcake. She doesn't immediately understand why, until she feels an unsatisfied thirst invading her insides. It makes her want to cry all of a sudden, and she doesn't understand why it's like that.

She's unsatisfied, she thinks to herself. She's always heard that acceptance is the first step to recovery, and she wants to recover from feeling unsatisfied, so she has to accept it first.

This is one of the best things that have ever happened in her life and yet, she's feeling unsatisfied? Why? There's nothing about right now, with Damon that she would change and yet, she feels unsatisfied? What _more_ could she want?

As though responding to her question, the seemingly harmless insects increase their movement in her stomach and as if that isn't enough, they interfere with the rhythm of her heart. What's that supposed to mean?

'Damon to Bonnie,' Damon calls her out of her thinking space.

Still feeling a little rattled, she lifts her eyes from the cupcake and their eyes meet.

It's in this moment, that Bonnie really identifies that what she's feeling isn't an unsatisfied feeling, but rather an intricately woven quilt of separate emotions, that fade into each other.

She feels touched by his gesture. She feels bad that she wished for a repeat of this for her next birthday, because that's a selfish want on her part. She feels guilty that she didn't wish for something that would make _him_ happy, like he's made her happy. She also distinctly feels like she should express her gratitude to him, more than just say it.

Her mouth slightly parts to make her breathing easier as their eyes remain on each other. Damon doesn't say anything this time and she just... she feels like she needs to control her breathing and...

She finds herself slowly starting to lean forwards to him, actively the cupcake that he offered her. She isn't sure what's driving her to lean towards his face, but she feels like she should. She feels their noses touch and she instinctively lets her eyes close... Only, just then loud a voice stops her.

'Damon?' the voice loudly calls from somewhere in the house. 'Bonnie? Are you guys in here?'

As though roughly plunged into icy water, she shoots her eyes out in surprise and bolts up away from Damon's face. _Who is that?_

'Damon?' the voice calls again, even louder this time.

She focuses her eyes on Damon to silently ask him if he knows what's going on, and when she sees a slight frown appear on his face, she knows that he doesn't want to welcome the intrusion any more than she understands it.

'Stay here,' he tells her before he quickly climbs off her bed and leaves her room in fast movements.

While she does want a second to put together what she almost did and how it got to that place, she finds that can't just stay here and wait for him to come back. That person that called their names obviously knows who they are, otherwise they wouldn't have called her name too.

She hastily climbs off the bed and leaves out the door, rushing to go down the stairs after Damon, reaching the living room just in time to find a tall man with an accent pointing at Damon at the base of the stairs.

'There you are!'

'Oh,' the man with the accent looks around Damon to her, 'and there's Bonnie.'

Who _is_ this guy, she wonders, going to stand beside Damon. She always thought it was just the two of them in this Prison World, so where did this guy come from?

'Uh...' Damon starts as though he's confused. 'How...?'

'Don't you mean, 'Thank you?' another man with blonde hair asks, as he appears in the living room.

There's also a woman with black hair walking next to the blonde man, that Bonnie doesn't recognise. She gets that they obviously know her, but she doesn't know _them_. Even with Damon right beside her, she feels like the odd one out. And it's not a nice feeling. All these people around and she...

'Damon,' she tries to whisper for him. She doesn't want the others to know that she's a uncomfortable.

Fortunately, Damon apparently interprets her tone, because he partly shields her from the rest of the people with his body. She tries to stealthily take hold of his arm, but she guesses that she doesn't have stealth in her, because the blonde man looks at her hand on Damon's arm and frowns for a second.

 _What's his problem_ , she wonders, _why did he frown_?

Either he chooses to let it go, Bonnie notes, or he thinks nothing of it, because he turns to Damon, flashing a wide smile his way.

'Well, don't just stand there. Aren't you curious to know why we're here?'

'Let me guess,' Damon mutters, 'you were on your way to Mexico and you lost your map. You want directions, right?'

'Same old Damon,' the blonde man replies with a smirk. 'We came to get you out of here, _smart-ass_!'

'Gee, thanks,' Damon mutters, making it sound like he means the complete opposite of that.

To be fair, the blonde man also sounded sarcastic when he said smart-ass, so Bonnie can't tell for sure if Damon's matching sarcasm with sarcasm or not.

'I guess we should just be on our way, then?' the man with the accent asks, and then tries to peek around to her. 'And what do you say, Love? You want to stay here too, because the clock's ticking and we only have a few minutes.'

'Huh?' she takes in a frightened breath, surprised that he's actually talking to her directly.

Bonnie doesn't know who this accented man is, but if he calls her Love, then he must be close to her. Unless he just likes to say that word randomly, that is.

'I said,' he repeats, 'do you want to stay or are you coming back with us?'

Is that even a question, she thinks, does he really expect her to answer that?

She was celebrating her birthday! She was celebrating her birthday with Damon and the proof is still Damon's hand, carefully cradled like a fragile piece of material. She was celebrating her birthday and they just came from nowhere! She made a wish and everything!

'Calm down,' Damon warns the accented man, as though sensing her unspoken response, 'we're coming.'

'Good,' the blonde man responds, 'because Jo can't hold this for much longer than she has to. Let's get a move on.'

What, Bonnie wonders, blinking in stunned silence as sadness overtakes her, they're really leaving? Just like that? Is it strange that she feels like _those_ people rescued them too soon? She enjoys it here. _And_ she'd been celebrating her birthday.

She doesn't realise that her thoughts have her clutching Damon's arm a little too tightly, until the two men and the woman start walking to a specific spot just outside the living room, and Damon turns to her.

'Are you okay?' he asks, his voice full of concern.

She nods, but he shakes his head and then looks at her hand on his arm, to gently pry it off with his free hand. It's only now that she's letting go that she's realising just how much she'd been forcing her fingers into his skin.

'It didn't feel like it,' he whispers to her, giving her fingers a little squeeze before dropping her hand.

'I'm...' she starts but then can't think of what to say next.

She closes her eyes to see if she can find something appropriate to say.

She knows that she can tell him the truth, that she doesn't really want to go with those people, but she has the feeling that she can't really say it out loud to him. Had it just been the two of them, she would've gotten over her initial hesitation and just told him, except, it's not just the two of them anymore. Three other people invaded their world now, and she just...

'Bummed that they crashed your birthday?' he provides in a joke.

Warmed, she opens her eyes and attempts a small smile. She doesn't know how much more she can appreciate Damon today; the fact that he knows her just well enough to know not to push her, and rather steer clear of what she can't put into words. She appreciates that he's trying to get her to laugh, so that she can ease up a little, but it doesn't work. The truth is, it's not just about her birthday anymore, it's about being pulled from a world that she likes to an unfamiliar territory.

She can't mask what that fills her with, not in front of him; he'll read it on her face anyway. She's just going to tell him how she feels, and maybe she'll feel better.

'Damon...' she breathes out tentatively.

'Hey,' he hurriedly makes come out of his mouth in a way of caution. ' Look, I promise to throw you a big party back home, to make up for it. Okay?'

From the urgent look on his face, she somehow understands that he can't openly attend to her right now, but he's trying to do it in another way, a different way.

'Okay,' she reluctantly accepts with a nod. She'll trust him with this.

'Now come on,' he takes a step forwards, 'let's go home.'

Damon walks in front of her as they walk to the others, but when they get to the small circle with the three people, he gently takes her hand in his free hand.

'We did this when we got here, remember?' he looks at her. 'Let's not break tradition,' he finishes with a wink that makes her feel at _home_.

She may not remember the handholding, but he's the only familiar person around her. She grips his hand back, thinking that she wants to hold on to him, her familiar person, for as long as she can, until she finds herself in a place that she's supposed to know, without her memories and a thousand expectations from people that she might not remember.

'No,' she answers, giving him a weak smile, 'let's not.'

* * *

Chapter 11, **Strange World.**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11, **Strange World.**

* * *

The first time that he and Bonnie walked towards the massive white light into the Prison World, he kept it hidden within him how afraid he'd been. He thought that although he cleaned up his act a bit, he didn't really deserve to be welcomed by a light. He was scared that the minute he touched the first beam of the white light, it would morph into complete darkness and spit him out into a terrible realm, separate from the place that Bonnie would be going to.

Thankfully, though, -probably because Bonnie took hold of his hand- that didn't happen and he ended up in the same place as her. Which is why now, the one thing that he appreciates about this journey back home, is the fact that they don't have to pass through some bright white light. He didn't like it the first time, and so he's glad that he doesn't have to go through the scare this time as well.

The truth is, he can't really say that he appreciates the lack of light, because the travel back home, is so fast that as soon as Bonnie clutches his hand back, and Ric tells the woman with him to say what she needs to say, he only hears a cracking sound and then stillness. Because he'd closed his eyes at the sound of the crack, he carefully opens them in the sudden stillness. It takes around a second for him to adjust, to see that yes, they're really back home, back in the present house, not in the 1994 one.

Quickly, he turns his head to his left to look at Bonnie, finding that her eyes are still closed.

'We're here, Bon,' he announces to get her to open her eyes.

It's not that he's happy about their arrival, but since the others have their eyes expectantly set on him, no doubt probably waiting for him to react, he feels compelled to play it off like one big accomplishment. If it was just the two of them, just him and Bonnie, he would've let her know differently. He would've even allowed her the necessary time to open her eyes to the big reality that she's just stepped into.

But, it's not just the two of them, so...

He watches as Bonnie slowly opens her eyes, but just before she can look at him directly, a loud inhuman screech cuts through the air. It's only then, that Damon speedily scans the room in his vampire way, to see that they landed right in the middle of a welcoming committee, and that the person who screeched at the top of her lungs, is none other than Little Miss Caroline.

Damon notices too late, that Little Miss Caroline is flying towards them at the speed of light. And he catches on way too late (much to his great irritation), that Little Miss Caroline forcefully thrust herself between him and Bonnie, consequently tearing their hands apart.

It seems to have happened so fast that Damon can only blink at the intrusion for the first few seconds. It's like he just opened his eyes, looked at Bonnie, and then suddenly, Bonnie was snatched away from his side too fast for him to stop it.

What, he thinks, trying to keep a frown from showing on his face as he watches the scene beside him, doesn't she have a little patience to wait for everyone –namely Bonnie- to get their bearings and then jump in for suffocating hugs? She should've waited!

'Bonnie!' Caroline dramatically cries as she tightens her arms around Bonnie's body. 'Oh! It's really you!'

When Damon sees Bonnie trying to wiggle free, to no avail, the first few seconds of blinking disappear, and he's almost overwhelmed by the force that strikes him right in the centre of his chest from nowhere. In the centre of his chest, he feels the primitive need to rip Bonnie out of the blonde girl's arms and shield her behind his back. It's almost possessive, if he's being honest with himself. He doesn't know what it means exactly, he only knows that it's what he wants to do.

'I missed you so much,' Caroline bounces up and down on the balls of her feet.

Can't she tell that Bonnie's uncomfortable in that hug, Damon wonders, can't she see that Bonnie isn'y reciprocating the one-sided enthusiasm?

'Let her breathe, Caroline,' a soft male voice advises, with a gentle amused laugh.

Looking in front and seeing who it is that spoke, Damon can't ever remember a time when he appreciated Matt more than he does now. Even as Matt takes his steps over to them, Damon wishes that he could hi-five the guy for taking the words right out of his mouth and attempting to rescue Bonnie.

'Damon,' Matt acknowledges when he reaches them, to which Damon only nods despite his appreciation of Matt.

'You're going to suffocate her, Caroline,' Matt says as he comes to a standstill just a step away from the girls.

He really does appreciate Matt for trying to help, Damon thinks, but if Caroline doesn't let Bonnie go any time soon, he'll be forced to roughly pull them apart. For now, he'll give it a second and look around to zoom in on who else is here.

Apart from Bonnie's two friends, there's only a girl with black hair that he doesn't recognise, one which doesn't care to place right now either, Damon thinks as he turns his attention back to the two girls. Time's up for Caroline.

'That's it-' he starts to say when Enzo interrupts him.

'All right,' Enzo timely speaks, making Damon suspicious that he's been watching him all this time. 'Now that everyone's here, let's all step down to the table for dinner, shall we?'

Enzo doesn't wait for anyone to respond, he just starts to make his way to the long table right across from where they're standing. Damon follows his friend with his eyes only for a brief second, because Caroline chooses that moment to pull back from Bonnie and clumsily bump into him, knocking Bonnie's birthday cupcake clean out of his hand.

As if the cupcake makes its way to the floor in slow motion, Damon watches it slowly descend while he stands paralysed to even move to catch it before it hits the ground. He silently watches it crash to the floor and begin to roll away from him, and as it rolls away, he feels his patience rolling away with it.

More than miffed, he snaps his head back to Caroline to yell at her, to make her see that she did something stupid, except, he doesn't get to open his mouth against her, because Bonnie's pallid expression makes sure that he doesn't.

'Enzo's right,' Caroline happily says to Bonnie. 'I organised a little surprise birthday slash welcome back party for you, so come on, we need to get started on dinner.'

She's confused. Bonnie's confused and feeling bombarded, he notices. She would rather that she had a little more processing time than what Caroline is giving her, but since she can't have it, she feels cornered. The girl hasn't even said one word yet, but apparently, no one has noticed it.

That's what Damon observes. He observes it while Caroline tries to pull Bonnie from the spot, and while Matt offers her a better, yet warm welcome, and while Bonnie begrudgingly starts to take steps following Caroline's lead. He carefully observes it all, which is how he comes to the conclusion that he needs to save her. He needs to save Bonnie from going to a table with people that she doesn't recognise. But, how?

What can he say to make Bonnie stay back with him, and not arouse suspicion in the other people? They obviously don't expect him to be familiar with Bonnie's feelings, so he has to find something that he can brush off as an excuse, and yet slightly typical of him, that they won't look at him and wonder.

That's when he notices her clothes!

He sees (and remembers) that she's still in her sleeping shorts and that little spaghetti tank top that she wears to bed. That could be his great rescue. Not wasting any time, he quickly zooms to appear in front of Bonnie.

'Not so fast,' he says, showing his palm out towards Caroline. 'You want her to sit at the dinner table looking like that? Yeah, no, I don't think so.'

Before Caroline can protest, he takes hold of Bonnie's wrist and pulls her with him towards his room.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

'A welcome party, huh?' is the first thing to wryly come out of her mouth as soon as he shuts the door behind her.

'You know Caroline,' he weakly offers, trying to send her a smile too, but he doesn't manage to do it.

What in the world just happened? One second they were together in her room, and the next they're back home? What? How did that happen?

'Listen...' he starts, but then can't continue.

He can't think of a single thing to say to her that will stop making her world spin and set her rightly on her feet. Because of this, he only looks at her deeply.

She must be so uncomfortable, and her head must be racing with all sorts of things that he can't begin to think of. He can't imagine what it's like to suddenly appear in a world where everything that he's supposed to know, he can't remember. It must be like being dropped off at the beginning of a forest and told to go home from there. He can't imagine what it's like for her right now, but he can at least try to assure her that he's here with her.

'I know that-' he tries, when she cuts him off.

'Please don't tell them about my memories,' she begs as if she'll die if that happens.

It makes his heart wrench without giving him a heads-up, just as the door to his room barges open. What the hell kind of timing is that?

'Who do you think you are, Damon Salvatore?' Caroline instantly goes off. 'You can't just grab Bonnie away from me. And besides, I'm the one with the clothes that she can fit in!'

'Go away, Caroline,' he quietly says to her.

He doesn't have the strength to maintain a twisting heart for Bonnie's sake and still deal with Caroline being herself. He can't do both at the same time, no. The intruding one has to go.

'No,' the blonde girl refuses, uncrossing her arms and going over to get Bonnie. 'Bonnie's coming with me and that's it. I don't trust you with her.'

Is something wrong with her, Damon wonders, truly wondering if something happened to Caroline while he was away that made her lose her sense of intelligence. How can she say that she doesn't trust _him_ with Bonnie, when he's spent all this time alone with her and nothing happened to her? There must be something wrong with her.

'Come on, Bonnie,' Caroline begins to pull Bonnie with her, apparently choosing to ignore him from here onwards. 'Let's get you changed for your birthday party, okay? I have the perfect dress for you. Oh, and I have a present for you as well. I'm sure you'll love it.'

As though it's a joke, he watches the two girls walk past him and out of the door, leaving him alone in the room. Again, he finds himself thinking how did _that_ happen?

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

He wanted to take a shower. He really did. After he helplessly watched Bonnie being dragged out of his room by the blonde one, he thought that he would jump into his shower and re-familiarise himself with his room, before heading down to join the others for Bonnie's birthday dinner, but then he found that he wasn't in the mood for that. He thought that a shower would clear his mind, but still he felt like he wasn't in the mood after all.

It's how he finds himself here in the garden, almost forty minutes later.

He knows that the best thing to do would be for him to sit at the dinner table with Bonnie, and bail her out when the questions become too hard for her to answer, but he somehow knows that if things get too tough for her, she'll pull out the whole, 'You know guys, I don't really want to talk about it right now. Let's just celebrate that we're back.'

He has confidence that she won't drown in there, but then the nagging feeling in his heart that she still needs him there with her, won't leave him. He's doing his best to ignore it, though. It's not easy, but he's doing his best to ignore it by thinking. It's the only way that he can think of, to keep him from feeling like he let her down from the moment that Ric and Enzo showed up in 1994 .

How different it will be for her to live without him near her? In this state, without her memories, how hard will it be for her to adjust and accept things as they are without needing his confirmation? How will it affect their friendship, being back here?

Oh, he suddenly realises and a small panic-like feeling begins to move around within him. He doesn't need to worry about that, he sarcastically thinks, because their friendship is sure to be over as soon as Caroline drags Bonnie back to the dorm and grills her relentlessly. As soon as that happens, whatever blue points he had with Bonnie, will fly out the window and she'll go right back to hating him again. Only this time, she'll take into consideration how he took advantage of her, how he lied to her, and she'll hate him just a little more. So, no, he doesn't need to wonder how being back will affect their friendship. Not one bit!

Stupid Prison World! He thinks, angry at the place. Why did it alter her memory anyway? If she hadn't lost her memories, he wouldn't be mini-panicking and majorly foreseeing her inevitable rejection... Stupid, stupid, stupid Prison World!

'Hey mate,' his friend Enzo makes his unannounced appearance, disrupting his internal anger fest.

He's not in the mood for interruptions, or people for that matter, so he doesn't give Enzo an answer. He'll bet if he ignores the guy, he'll get the picture and leave him in peace.

'I'm heading home,' Enzo explains without being asked, 'so I thought I should let you know what's going on, before I leave.'

Interested to know, though he is, he still refuses to give Enzo a proper acknowledgment. Come to think of it, he hasn't exchanged proper words with other than Bonnie and Caroline since he arrived. Who is Enzo to label himself worthy of his acknowledgement?

' _Clearly_ Caroline is not going to tell you,' Enzo informs him, dragging his words. 'And Saltzman and his girlfriend have no intention of bringing it up tonight-'

'Just talk, Enzo!' he interrupts, getting ready to punch his friend just to get him to the point.

If he was in an engaging mood, he would've humoured his vampire friend for a minute or two, but he's a little busy with himself now and he doesn't want to share his time with anyone else; so no, he will _not_ indulge Enzo.

Taking the command, Enzo begins up again. 'I'm sure you noticed that your brother isn't here. That's because he's angry and in denial that we'd really bring you back.'

Oh, right, his brother. Of course he noticed that Stefan wasn't with the welcoming committe, just like he noticed that Elena wasn't there too. The thing is, however, that for now, he considers that nothing. He'll have his chance to find and talk to Stefan and Elena in the morning. He can wait for _that_.

'You remember the girl with black hair, don't you?' his friend carries on without a prompt. 'That's Ivy, his girlfriend. She's a newbie vampire, but Caroline is begrudgingly showing her the ropes. I mean, she'd rather not deal with the girlfriend of the guy that she has feelings for, but you know Caroline.'

So, that's who that girl is, Ivy, Stefan's girlfriend. She doesn't look like Stefan's type, but oh well... It's all interesting, but really, he really wants alone time.

'Enzo, look,' he starts, 'I'm not in the mood to talk about anyone else.'

Talk about everyone else is distracting him from his own feelings, but still, he just wants to be alone. He feels like he should take this time to prepare himself for facing Bonnie in the morning when she knows _all_ about him.

'I figured that, since you're here,' Enzo carelessly shrugs, 'but I also figured that I wouldn't just jump in and tell you that your girlfriend got rid of her memories of you, _and_ now she hates you.'

Too fast, Damon gets on his to appear directly in front of Enzo. 'Repeat what you just said,' he harshly orders.

Enzo, for the first part, only looks at him for a while, and then decides to answer, 'You heard me mate. She was going crazy without you, so she thought to remove you from her memory.'

It feels like suddenly, he's being roughly pulled to an unknown destination against his will, and he just can't take it.

'Get away from me,' Damon quietly tells his friend.

He's not upset, and he's definitely not indifferent towards the news, but if Enzo doesn't get the hell away from him, _he'll_ be the one who'll have to have his memories erased for what Damon's going to do to him. Enzo, thankfully gets the message and leaves without another word. After he leaves, Damon goes to take his previous seat.

Elena got _rid_ of her memories of him? Why did she do that? What made it easy for her to come to such a stupid decision like that? If she died, he'd go crazy, yeah, but he'd never erase her from his memories, even if it meant tearing the world apart to keep her in his memory. What made her think that it's okay for her to just forget him, to just forget that she _loves_ him? That's their entire history that she decided to get rid of. _How could she do that_?

He's angry about it, he finally settles on naming what he feels. He's really furious to the bone with her. Yeah, he loves her, but what kind of person deliberately gets rid of their memories when they lose someone? It's not right!

Along with his last thought, he hears footsteps reaching him, but he doesn't give them attention. What's he got to do to get a little bit of alone time on his own property.

'The party's breaking up,' Bonnie's soft voice sounds on his right, 'so I thought I'd sneak out for a breather...'

It's her, he thinks, wishing he could turn away and run off. She's got this strange ability to talk to his soul in a reasonable way, without using many words, that he doesn't want her around him at the moment. He wants to be angry and drown in his anger. He doesn't want her tactics to whisper to the human part of his soul and relax him out of his fury! He doesn't want that!

'And look what I brought...' she says, a soft tone of relief audible in her voice, 'I found it in that cabinet in the kitchen, so I thought we could drink it. Just the two of us, you know, without the others hogging.'

He doesn't want to drink, he wants to bask in his anger until it completely consumes him and he can't think straight. He wants his rage to rule him to the point where it dictates what he does and he lets it out that way! He wants the world to feel the outcome of his anger, not drink! This whole day has made him angry, so can't he just be angry in peace?

It had just been morning, and he was waking Bonnie up, and then suddenly they had to leave and it was nighttime where they landed. The next thing he knew Bonnie was pulled away from him, and now he finds out that his girlfriend purposely got rid of him from her life?

How can Elena do that to him? How can she just forget him like he meant nothing to her? Is he really that unimportant that she easily concluded to take him from her mind and be happy with that?

'Come on, Damon,' Bonnie tries, taking the last step to him. 'Let's make a toast to our _great return_!'

Although he hears the hint of brokenness within the proposed toast, he chooses to ignore it. If she's having a hard time being welcomed back with open arms, what's there to complain about? She should try and have someone she loves get rid their memories of her, and _then_ get back to him.

Probably because he doesn't answer her, she reaches out and places he hand on his shoulder as she says, 'Bonnie to Damon!'

That's it. His patience breaks at the feel of her touch, and he turns to communicate to her that he doesn't need gentleness, but in a way that'll make sure to get her away from him.

'Damn it, Bonnie!' he shouts in her face. 'I don't need you around me. Just go.'

He thought that after shouting that, a nasty sharp sound would break in the air, but all he gets, is dead silence. That is until three seconds later, he sees Bonnie lift her hand with the bottle of scotch, and then points her open palm to it and mutters, 'Frange,' instantly making it explode into small shatters right before their eyes to the ground.

Only then, she begins to show the effect of his shouting, with her body. She starts letting out successive breaths through her mouth, while her upper body heaves up and down. It's only then that Damon realises what he's done, that's _monumentally_ wrong.

He didn't just shout at her, he didn't just tell her to get away from him. No, he realises that he did the one thing that he wasn't supposed to do to _her_ , not when he remembers that she's got it far worse than him. If he's fuming with this day, then how must _she_ be feeling about it underneath it all?

'Bonnie…' he sincerely starts.

What has he done, what has he done, what has he done? He's stupid, he's stupid, he's stupid! He's a stupid fool who's too concerned with himself, to see just how stupid and just how much of a fool he is!

Taking in a huge sniff, she crosses her arms and turns on her heels to stalk off away from him. He knows it's better to let her be, but he doesn't want to. He screwed up and he needs to make it right, so he can't let her go.

He quickly goes after her, pulling her by the arm to stop her. 'Bonnie, wait.'

Bonnie roughly responds by fiercely shoving him away from her, but he doesn't let up. He _can't_ let up. He goes for her arm again and while she does struggle, he finally gets her into his embrace and he just holds his arms tightly around her.

'I'm sorry,' he says into her hair, making her go stiff still in his arms. 'I know I let you down,' he finally admits to her as well as to himself.

He more than just let her down, he allowed for all this nonsense to happen while he did nothing in protest. He let those people ruin her birthday. He didn't talk to her all day. Heck, he didn't even share the birthday cake that he saw on the table. And just now, when she wanted to escape it all and be close to him, he shunned her.

'I'm really sorry, Bonnie.'

He's really sorry that this day happened at all, and that she had to brave her way through it without a say in it. If he could take it all back, he would. It's probably wrong and selfish, but he wishes that they hadn't come back too.

After a few seconds of being locked in his arms, she starts to sob and then sobs turn into full blown crying within a minute of starting, making him wish that he could openly cry with her.

* * *

Chapter 12, **Say You Love Me.**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12, **Say You Love Me.**

* * *

He waits and allows Bonnie to be the one who decides that she's had enough of the embrace, to pull out of it. He kind of owes it to her, to give her a little bit of power after everything that happened here. Also, if he doesn't give her the power to break up this embrace, it'll go on forever, because there's a soothing comfort brought on by holding her, that makes him want to forget everything and just keep holding her. This is why he really didn't want her with him, because with her by his side, it's easy to forget his anger.

Finally, she slowly pulls out of his embrace to look at him. Even though it's dark, he can still see every bend and curve on her face, the remnants of tears in her eyes and the soft glow of the yellow summer dress that Caroline apparently gave her. Thanks to his vampire visual gift and to the light pouring around them, there isn't on her that's hidden from his sight. It's how he can see that she's thankful for the moment, because her eyes look at him -and he would swear this for the rest of his life- like he's some kind of thing that she can keep forever. He wouldn't stretch and think that she's looking at him like he's a treasure, but he's going to go with something pretty close to that.

Suddenly, her look of treasure transforms into a scowl and before can stop her, she firmly punches him right over the heart with one hand, while the other wipes away the last of her tears.

A little puzzled, he doesn't say anything to stop her, and she punches him on the same place again. Again, he doesn't respond and she delivers a third, extremely hard punch on the same exact place. This last time, he jumps back, catching her fist at the same time before she can land another punch on him.

'Hey! Stop that!' he protests. It was fine and a little confusing the first time, but this last time kind of hurt. 'That hurts.'

'I thought you said I had putty fists,' she says, deepening her scowl.

Rubbing his hand over his heart, he sourly replies, 'That was before tonight.'

He's sour about tonight, because even through the anger inside, his heart is somewhat hurting and external pain isn't making it better. He would prefer it if he didn't get hit anymore.

'Well, don't think that because I hit you, that lets you off the hook. I'm still pissed off with you.'

Ah, so that's why she punched him. At least it explains the scowl.

'I said, I'm sorry,' he tries to pacify her anger to something less.

Of all people, he doesn't want _her_ to be on the outs with him, so he has to remind her that he _is_ sorry. He didn't think before he spoke and acted, and he's sorry for that.

'For which part?' she crosses her arms. 'Because I needed you back there, and you just disappeared.'

'I'm sorry,' he repeats sincerely, stepping closer to her.

There's nothing now that he can do to take it back. He wishes that he could, in some way have a second chance to start from the beginning. It would make everything so much simpler; she wouldn't be pissed, and he wouldn't be masking his feelings in front of her, because he doesn't want her to know about his situation.

As he steps to her, he sees her unfolding her arms, but he doesn't catch on fast enough to move out of her way before she shoves him away from her.

'We were celebrating my birthday!' she bursts. 'It was just the two of us, and I _liked_ it that way!'

I know, is what he wants to reply with, because he liked it when it was just the two of them too. He wants to tell her that he understands, except, he gets from the look on her face that she's not finished ranting. Also, because he feels guilty for ruining their peaceful time together, he remains absolutely silent, secretly hoping that she would shove him or even punch him again.

During the silence, she calms down and a look far worse than the previous one appears on her face; a disappointed look. Now why did she have to go and do that?

'I can't believe I forgot four years of my life,' she verbally laments. 'I forgot _so_ much, that Caroline's even different somehow.'

Speaking of Caroline, he noticed that she looked a little too enthusiastic for her usual self. It's a recent development, he thinks, because she never overly exaggerated her enthusiasm before.

'How am I going to do this, Damon?' she asks, fear mixing in with her lamenting. 'I mean, how do I pretend that I know everything, to everyone?'

If she could fake being alive while she was dead, he thinks, this should be a piece of cake for her. Except, that isn't what he tells her. What she needs is reassurance, not to be reminded of something that she doesn't remember.

'Aren't you forgetting something?' he poses, hoping to pull her out of her fear.

'What?'

'I'm here, remember?' For all that's worth, she's got him.

'Yeah, maybe right now,' she cynically replies, crossing her arms again, 'but who knows where you'll be two minutes from now.'

'Fine,' he bravely takes the stab, even though it did some damage, 'I deserved that, but-'

Suddenly cutting him off, is Caroline's voice that starts calling for Bonnie. 'Bonnie?'

'She really doesn't quit, does she?' he wonders, low anger starting to bubble within him.

Why does the girl insist on cutting through his alone time with Bonnie? She's had Bonnie all night, can't she separate herself from her for just one lousy hour? Can't she figure it out that if Bonnie wanted to be attached to her, hip and bone, she wouldn't have left the house in the first place?

Bonnie quickly grabs his arm to her side. 'I can't handle this anymore, she's a bit overwhelming,' Bonnie tells him. 'You're not leaving me alone with her.'

He doesn't plan on it, not this time. He already left her by herself all night, so he's not going to do it again. What she needed, was for him to have been there with her and stuck by her side, to help her smoothly transition into this world, but he didn't give her that, and so he needs to make up for it now.

 _That's_ what he thinks he's going to do, until he hears Caroline say, 'I'm sure she's somewhere here Elena, can't you hear the heartbeat? Come on, she'll be happy to see you.'

Elena? His heart freezes. In fact, his whole body does this thing where it doesn't want to move. Elena? No, he thinks in a mini panic, he _can't_ see Elena. He doesn't want to see Elena right now!

'I got pulled into an emergency operation just as I was leaving,' Elena's voice sounds, and Damon feels his head begin to rush. 'Doctor Mel wanted us to intern for the operation. That's why I'm late. I hope she'll understand.'

They're getting closer, Damon realises, the two vampires are getting closer and if he keeps standing here with Bonnie, they'll find him here. He has to make his getaway now.

'I can't stay,' he coldly says to Bonnie, prying her hand off him and then rushes off into the night.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

'If it isn't Stefan Salvatore,' he says at the entrance of the bar.

Luckily, his brother wasn't hard to track down when he fled from Bonnie, but then again, his brother's never been hard to find, _wherever_ in the world he went.

Evidently shocked by the voice that just rang through the bar, Stefan looks behind him. At first, it doesn't appear like his brother is going to do or say anything, but then he slowly rises from his stool.

'Damon?' he asks in wonder, unwilling to believe what's in front of his eyes.

'So he _does_ remember me.' Damon jokes, keeping his post at the door.

It's refreshing to see his brother after all this time. It doesn't matter how bad things can get between them, because at the end of it all, there's nothing that can really separate them. It's the reason why seeing his brother now, feels refreshing. At least in his brother, he has a constant person with him through thick and thin.

'Is it really you?' Stefan continues in his state of wonder.

'Yep,' he answers, finally stepping into the bar, 'and I must say, I'm a little disappointed that you weren't at my welcome back party, brother.'

Taking that as an invitation, Stefan goes to meet him and the two fall into an embrace of longing. Damon holds onto his brother just as much as Stefan's clinging to him, allowing this hug between them, to speak the words that they won't actually say to each other once it's over. They could talk about how it's been without the other, but both of them have a longstanding mutual understanding that reunions between them, are not to be spoken about. And besides, Damon came looking for Stefan to escape the other reality that is his life.

They stay frozen in their embrace for longer than a minute, each thinking their own thoughts, when Damon pulls back to take a good look at Stefan. He doesn't seem to have changed since their brief encounter before the Other Side blew up, and Damon's thankful for that.

'It's good to see you,' he tells his younger brother, who quietly nods his agreement of the sentiment and then heads to the counter.

'So, are you taking orders?' Damon asks as he sits on his brother's previous stool.

Following his example, Stefan goes around the bar and says, 'Sure, why not?'

'Then pour me a flaming cocktail.'

Stefan gives him a look that he's too familiar with. It's his brother's special and silent way of asking what he means.

'Three drops of whisky,' Damon explains. 'Two shots of gin and one whole bottle of rum.'

He doesn't even really know what he wants, to be honest. He just feels like since he's sitting at the bar, he should have something to drink in front of him. He feels like that's a standard bar requirement or something.

'Beer it is then,' Stefan nods with an amused smile.

Offended, Damon sneers at his brother. 'I'm not drinking beer.'

'You are if I'm paying for it,' his brother insists.

Too uninterested to argue, Damon waves his hand away to signal 'whatever' to his brother, the goody-goody. Of course Stefan's going to break into a bar and pay for everything that he drinks. It's so typical of him.

It doesn't matter what he get to drink anyway, Damon thinks, looking up and down the bar, because he's not really in the drinking mood. He should be, more so now than ever, but he's not. It's strange that he isn't.

'So…' he strikes up a conversation while he waits for his beer, ' _your_ Caroline's acting too happier than usual. Is that her way of masking her contempt for _your_ Ivy?'

The trick is to get into a normal conversation mode, to distract himself from all that's happened before now. He needs a break from all that crazy nonsense for now, that's why he came to find Stefan. With Stefan at least, he can pretend that all's well underneath the surface and get away with it.

' _None_ of those girls are mine,' Stefan says as he slides him an opened beer.

'Not according to Enzo,' Damon counters.

'Enzo,' Stefan rolls his eyes. 'He turned Ivy, so he's in no place to talk. He and Caroline came looking for me, and they disrupted my life, so they have to clean up the mess they made.'

With both eyebrows raised, Damon wants to know, 'And by disrupted your life, you mean?'

'Look,' Stefan says, letting air out through his mouth to show that he's not proud of it. 'I had to find a way to move on after you died. I couldn't stay in this town, so I left. I did what I had to do to move along.'

And here he thought that he could take a break from _that_...

Stefan mentioning it, helps resurrect some of his base feelings on the matter, and he bitterly voices them to his brother. 'At least _you_ found a better way of dealing with my death. Unlike some people.'

Some people _specifically_ being Elena Gilbert. The fact that she could just decide to forget him, is still something that he can't begin to want to understand, because it makes no sense.

'You already know about Elena, huh?' Stefan sombrely asks.

Ha! Does he know! He wishes that he _didn't_ know, it would sure make his life smoother if he didn't know.

'I don't want to talk about her,' he honestly tells his brother, taking a small sip of his beer.

If he wanted to talk to Elena, he wouldn't have run away from meeting her. If he wanted to talk about Elena, he would've brought it up. But as it is, he doesn't want to even think about her for now.

'Okay,' Stefan accepts, readily changing the subject. 'Did Bonnie come back with you?'

Bonnie! There's another problem on his hands. He ditched her _again_! How will she forgive him for this _too_? She'll probably wish that she didn't know him. Oh, wait, she already doesn't remember him the way that she should, so...

'Yeah, she came with me,' he replies absently, graphically remembering that Bonnie doesn't remember him either.

It's amazing how outlined Bonnie's memory loss is, in his mind. It's like a set moving picture in his head that refuses to stop playing no matter where he goes. Now especially, contrasting it to Elena's _choice_ to forget him, he wants to find a plausible explanation to how Bonnie just forgot him.

How exactly did she just forget him, he starts to wonder, setting his beer bottle down, is it the universe playing some kind of trick on him? Is he in some 'Forget Damon' puzzle that he's supposed to figure out? Because if that's the case, then he needs help to figure it out, and fast.

'Tell me Stefan,' he wonders aloud, 'how did she just forget me?'

It's incomprehensible how Bonnie just forgot him from her life without a reason. She literally had no valid reason to forget him the way that she did. What went wrong and where did it go wrong?

'She was crazy after you died,' he absently hears Stefan tell him. 'She was biting everyone and Luke gave her some drugs to make it better, but without them, she was Freddy Kruger in the form of a pretty and innocent looking girl. I mean, I can't judge her, because I ran away too, but we all had to find our ways of coping.'

Damon drinks in another sip of his beer in silence, pondering where the chain of Bonnie's memories may have broken. Could it be something that Kai did? Or hell, what actually happened to make him disappear from her memories?

'I don't know what it's like for you to know that she doesn't remember you,' his brother says in a sorry tone, 'but you can try to get her to remember you.'

'Huh?' Damon snaps up to look at his brother.

Stefan has a point, but a point that doesn't serve as clever to him. If he gets Bonnie to remember him, their relationship goes bye-bye. Not even as a joke would he consider that option. Yes, he's puzzled by how randomly she just forgot him, but he's not puzzled enough to fix it. That would be stupid. Only, truthfully speaking, he doesn't know how long he's going to last not telling her the truth. Now that they're back, she's bound to find it out sooner or later.

'It may not be easy,' Stefan explains in a concluding way, 'but she loves you, you know she does. Just try to make her remember that she loves you.'

What? Damon can't help it frown at his brother. Stefan's been talking about Elena all this time, even after he specifically told him that he doesn't want to talk about Elena?

'Elena?' Damon questions just to be sure that his brother's talking about Elena, not Bonnie.

Stefan gives him a look and then shakes his head like he doesn't understand him sometimes. 'It's so like you to pretend like you don't know who she is, but yes, I mean her.'

Stefan doesn't know anything, he thinks as he gets up from his stool, setting the beer bottle down. He needs to go and apologise to Bonnie. He left her with Caroline when she asked him not to, so now he has to crawl back to her and apologise. Again.

'Thanks for the drink,' he says to his brother and then lifts his hand in a wave. 'There's someone I have to see.'

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

When he steps into his living room and the only person he sees in there is Ivy, he mentally kicks himself for not going to look for Bonnie at the dorm first. He's gathered that Caroline's been living here for a while, and he figured that she'd convince Bonnie to stay here with her. But now that Ivy's the only presence that he feels in the house, he starts to wonder if Bonnie didn't follow Elena back to the dorm. However, he'll make absolutely sure that the girls won't return, before he goes off again. He'll have to talk to Ivy.

'Isn't it a little too senseless that you're living with your ex and his future girlfriend?' he asks as he walks to where she is. 'I'm not one to judge, but that's messy.'

He could say the typical, 'Hi, how are you?' to the girl and then ask, 'Where's Bonnie?' but he won't. He just won't.

Ivy gets up from her seat, letting out a small huff of amusement before saying, 'Compared to how Caroline thinks being sickeningly positive about everything, will magically make her mother's terminal cancer go away?'

That catches Damon's attention. Liz is dying? Is that what Ivy is saying? He doesn't get to ask her, though, because she follows her question with another.

'Or compared to how your girlfriend is going out of her way to avoid you, when everyone says you're crazy about her? Yeah, no, I think mine takes third place in the messy department.'

Bitter much, he wonders, although a little impressed by how she doesn't hold back. It's a little Bonnie-like and sexy if he's being honest...

Woah, where did that thought come from? It's not welcome, he thinks, shaking his head to clear it out, because it doesn't belong there. He needs to concentrate on the matter at hand.

'I can't decide if I respect your honesty, or if I want to throw you out,' he returns to Ivy, 'so I'll give you another chance to sway my decision. Where's Bonnie?'

'Bonnie's pretty,' she answers sweetly. 'I like her, but she left. I heard her tell one of the two that she wants to go to Grams', whoever he is.'

So she went to Grams, and from the sound of it, it seems like both girls are with her, which means that he can't go to her. That's just great. This day is just going greatly for him, and when he has a moment to summon all of his feelings at once, _oh_ , he'll do it to the _maximum_!

Suddenly feeling tired, he decides that he's going to his room. It's time he took that shower that he wanted to take after they arrived, and then he'll move from there.

'You can stay,' he quietly says to Ivy, not caring either way. 'Just stay away from me.'

'I can _stay_?' the girl suddenly erupts, placing her hands on her hips. 'Are you kidding me? Because of your brother, I can't go back home. I can't go and be a danger to the people in my town. You have your world pulled apart and then tell me what you just did. I don't have a choice, Damon. _I have to stay here_.'

Looking at the girl, he realises that she's no different from him. Yeah, their cases may be separate and varying, but he gets the base of where she's coming from. How can he not, when he's in the same situation. Maybe that's whay he feels empathetic towards her.

'You seem like a nice person,' he gently acknowledges.

He won't actually go as far as to apologise to her for the mess in her world, but saying that to her, is the closest he will get to it. He shouldn't have attacked her like he's known her life from the minute that she was born. It was unfair of him to assume something about her that's clearly untrue.

'I used to be,' she answers as though defeated. 'Now I'm just spiteful and hateful and angry, and I _hate this place so much_.'

'Then leave,' he simply says to her.

It's not that he's chasing her off or being rude, it's just that he's giving her advice that would be great for her. If she can't stand being here, then she shouldn't punish herself with it.

'Nothing here is worth you losing yourself for,' he finishes, meaning every word.

Ivy looks at him, tears shining in her eyes and her mouth barred from speaking, and just then, the front door opens. Ivy uses that as her reason for escape, while he turns to see who just walked in. Just in time, he catches Elena make her head disappear behind the door.

'Elena?' he gasps, his heart instantly clenching.

It's funny, he didn't want to think and talk about her before, let alone see her, but now that he's seen her beautiful face, he has to, has to see her up close. Never mind all that he didn't want with her before.

'Elena, please don't go,' he begs, keeping his feet where they are.

She's a vampire, he knows that she can hear him even from behind the door. As much as he wants her to come back, he won't be the one to follow after her. He'll give her the freedom of choice, because he's afraid that if he goes after her and she rejects him, he won't take it lightly.

Luckily, she resurfaces her head through the door, and then follows it with her body as she takes a step into the living room. She then closes the door behind her and while she takes small scared steps towards him, he feels his soul touch the sky. He can't explain what seeing her in the flesh after all these months means to him. He looks at her in absolute awe of how breathtaking she looks coming towards him.

'Elena...'

'Look, Damon,' she starts, stopping a step from him. 'I know that we're supposed to-'

Moving quickly, he closes the distance between them to place a finger on her lips to silence her. 'Don't talk,' he says. 'Just listen.'

How did things get here? How did she just make him like this, so completely under her spell that he doesn't really care that she got rid of her memories? How can her mere face mesmerise him like this?

He begins to feather her cheek. 'Elena...'

She's so beautiful, he thinks. Her big eyes, looking at him with a hint of fear, and yet, portraying an apologetic look that brings his soul back down from touching the sky...

'I just want to hold you in my arms and hear you say you love me,' he softly tells her. 'I know you don't think so right now, but you _do_ love me, Elena, I know you do. I promise, I'm going to make you remember your love for me again, just give me a chance.'

He ends it there, slowly letting his hand down from her cheek to wait for her to say something in response. She doesn't say anything to him, instead, she parts her lips, while her eyes questioningly gaze into his. It's clear that she wants to say something, but apparently, she doesn't know what to say. Because of this, he takes one last step to her, moves his hand to cup the back of her neck and then draws her face to him.

Seeing that she doesn't resist him, he tentatively touches her lips with his, almost immediately diving in for a real kiss and just as he does, Elena roughly pulls back from him.

'Damon, we can't,' she says, sounding like she's out of breath.

'You're my girlfriend, Elena,' he reminds her, keeping his hand on her neck. 'We can kiss if we want to.'

He sure as hell wants to kiss her until she doesn't remember her name, if only she would let him!

'I'm seeing someone,' she says to him.

The only response that he can manage to give her, is a puzzled look. What does she mean she's seeing someone? Why didn't either Enzo or Stefan mention that piece of information to him?

'Okay,' she sighs out, 'I'm not really seeing him, but he's really sweet and I like him. I'm kind of hoping that he'll ask me out soon, so _that_ can never happen again. I'm sorry.'

As soon as she apologises, she breaks free of his hold and runs out of the house, leaving him too stunned to move. He hears the door shut behind her, but he can't move to go after her. This day! This day!

'Damon?' someone calls him from inside the house.

Reluctantly, he focuses his eyes in front of him to see who it is, to find that it's Ivy. It's Ivy standing a few steps away from him, with a bag that looks packed in her hands.

'You're right,' she quietly tells him, 'There's nothing worth staying here for. I'm leaving.'

Behind him, he hears the door open and close. It's probably Elena who realised that she can't go anywhere when it's this late out and she doesn't have a car, he assumes without making sure. Well, he'll show Elena, he hotly thinks...

'Ever been in my bedroom, Ivy?' he asks, beginning to walk to her.

Elena better be paying to attention to what he's doing, because it's all for her.

'No,' Ivy answers with a confused frown.

Perfect, he thinks, her answer is just perfect.

'I have a parting gift for you in there,' he says to her, grabbing her arm and pulling her with him. 'Follow me.'

He's going to raise the roof with Ivy on purpose. Revenge sex is the lowest repayment that he thinks best suits Elena right now, and he's going to make damn sure that she hears it all.

* * *

Chapter 13, **Turn Off The Light.**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13, **Turn Off The Light.**

* * *

The thing is, she told Caroline several lies, and a few more to cover up the first lies, to be here, so Ivy has to wait. She had to use trickery to untangle herself from Caroline's possessive web, heck, she even had to hide from Elena just now, so there's no chance in the world that she's letting Ivy take this chance away from her. Whatever Damon has for her in his room, is going to have to wait, because she _needs_ to talk him.

Determined to speak to him, no matter the cost, she follows after the pair. They are a great head start ahead of her, but it makes no difference to her, because she'll get her time with Damon and that's final. The motivating factor behind her determination, is that she's reached her limit, she's had enough! She's had enough of everything, but most of all, she's had enough of wondering what it'll be like for her in this time.

Increasing her steps, she makes her way straight to Damon's room and when she gets there, she opens the door without knocking, to find Ivy calmly seated on the edge of the bed, looking like she's waiting for something to happen. One quick scan around the room, lets Bonnie know that the person she's looking for, isn't in here.

'Ivy, where's Damon?' she asks the girl with black her.

She could've sworn that they both came in here. She was a little further behind them after they left the living room without noticing her, but she swears they both came this way, and she clearly heard Damon tell Ivy that he has a parting gift for her in his room.

When Ivy looks towards to the adjoining door on her left, that's when Bonnie remembers that he has a bathroom in his room.

'In there,' Ivy tells her with a nod towards the door. 'He said to wait for him here.'

Obviously, Bonnie thinks, whatever he has for her can't be serious, otherwise he would be in here with her, but instead, he's in the bathroom.

'Could you wait in the living room?' she politely asks Ivy, even though she won't give the girl a choice if she refuses. 'I really need to talk to him.'

With the air of relief in her movement, Ivy gets up from the bed to say, 'You know what, I don't really want Caroline to find me here anyway, so I'll just go. Tell him that I left.'

When Ivy walks past her, Bonnie turns to show her to the door and then shuts it behind her to lean her back on it and breathe out her nervousness. Without Ivy in the room with her, she can express how she feels inside, without being asked if something's wrong with her by the wrong person. However, just as she's about to close her eyes, Damon chooses that moment to come out of his bathroom with his shirt off and a bottle in his hand.

He doesn't see her at first and she uses those few seconds to straighten herself off the door, and then only Damon sees her.

'Bonnie?' he asks, making a puzzled face to match his tone.

She manages to get herself properly upright and stable on her feet, but she doesn't get around to domesticating her heart to behave neutrally. Just getting a full glimpse of his face, of his presence in the doorway, makes her heart ache with a sadness that she can't define. Her head didn't tell her that it would be like this, when it decided that it had to clear things with Damon.

'In the flesh,' she brokenly chokes out from her aching heart.

She didn't know that she would feel like this exactly, like there's a penetrating pressure over her heart, digging deep within it and forcing out all of the sadness within it, to bring it to light.

Damon looks around the room and then asks, 'Where did Ivy go?'

It's the bottle of alcohol in his hand that makes a lump of sadness form in her throat. If he has it in his hand and he's looking for Ivy, then it can only mean that he intended to drink it with her. What hurts the most about that, is that he didn't want to drink with her earlier on, but he was obviously willing to do it with Ivy.

'She said to tell you that she left,' she softly replies, trying her best to swallow her sadness back down.

'Okay...' he slowly nods, but it doesn't look like he's going to say anything else after that.

If that's the case, if he's not going to say anything to her, she thinks as she takes in a long heavy breath through her mouth, then she needs to get away from the door and go to him.

'Damon,' she starts to make her way to him, 'you and me... What _are_ we?'

Ever since that Enzo, Ric and apparently Jo came for them in 1994 , she's been struggling to keep faith in her relationship with Damon. From the very beginning when they magically appeared in the present house and her hand was torn away from his, she felt like she'd been living a forced lie and all of it was finally coming apart in the blatant light of the obvious truth.

'What's that supposed to mean?' he wonders, pulling his eyebrows together as he walks to meet her in the middle.

She stops moving her feet where he meets her, leaving almost no space between them. To think that she's been craving this closeness with him since earlier tonight, only to have it now, but sourly tainted with the sadness of her uncertainty, and to realise that it's not everything she thought it would be. This closeness isn't the peace that she thought she would have, and it sure isn't the comfort and reassurance that she believed she would get.

Swallowing, she answers that, 'I need to know if we're real or not.'

She swears on her life that his eyes are trying to drill into the depths of the deepest part of her, so that all that's inside that deep part of her, can be illuminated for him to openly see. The way his eyes bore into her with question is so deep that she feels compelled to look away for a second.

Unfortunately, Damon doesn't let her look away for long, because he uses his free hand to steer her face and eyes back to focus on him.

'You're making,' he makes a nought with his thumb and index finger, 'sense, Bonnie.'

Back in 1994 , when she didn't want to tread on the topic that he led them to, she said the same thing to him, hoping that he would let it go and just let her be. It's how she cannot fault him for saying the same thing now -that's if he feels like he doesn't want to touch on this subject. However, if that is how he feels, she can't respect it, even though she can't fault him for it. She needs to know the truth, and before she knows what she needs to, she's not going to be okay.

'I feel like the 1994 us,' she begins telling him, 'is not the same us here. I feel like you had no choice in 1994 but to be close to me, because there was no one else around. I feel like it's different here and I'm nothing to you. And...' she adds a bitter afterthought, ' _it sucks_.'

From feeling like the girl who could do anything and Damon wouldn't judge her for it, and being sure that Damon was always there for her, she's now reduced to a pathetic bystander in this stupid movie, where real life has sunk in and she's not a part of his life anymore. How can that not twist her heart in the cruellest of ways, when he's all she's had for months?

At first, as though to show some empathy or maybe sympathy, he only softens his face, rearranging all of his features to something soft and somewhat understanding. If he means for it to be comforting, it's not. It makes her feel like she's right instead.

'You're not nothing to me,' he finally says after the silence, his eyes begging her to believe him.

She wants to believe him. There's not a part of her that doesn't want to believe that she's not nothing to him, but the evidence is shouting right out from inside of her, that she can't ignore it or accept to believe it when he says that she's not nothing to him.

'Then tell me why I have this uneasy feeling in my heart, that everything's changed and I can't count on you anymore,' she cries, softly beating her palm on her heart area to emphasise the origin of the saddening feeling.

It's as if being here has unapologetically ripped him away from her, so that she can live her life separate from him and vice versa. It's like now, from now onwards, they can't have the easy and trusting relationship that they had in 1994 , because here there are a million and one people that he would rather be with and she isn't a priority to him anymore.

Maybe it's her fault for getting attached to him like she did. Maybe she should've kept her distance and not trusted him to always be with her. Maybe she shouldn't have believed their whole best friend relationship. And maybe she shouldn't have been selfish in liking that he liked spending time with her, instead of coming back home, but she did. She did all of that and she can't undo the marks it made, and probably after tonight, she won't be able to undo the scars that it will leave.

'Because, Bonnie,' Damon cries out too, throwing his free hand in the air. ' _This place_...'

'What about it?' she adds more passion to her voiced cry. 'Because it's only been a few hours, and I miss you. I just...' she pauses to breathe in, 'I miss you, Damon.'

She really just misses knowing that he's in the next room and she can go to him if wants to. She misses that freedom of knowing, of being assured of his presence, because she feels like it was snatched away from her and he didn't do anything to stop it from happening. If anything, she feels like he encouraged it.

Damon only looks at her quietly, as though anticipating what she will do next.

'So I just need to know if we're real or not,' she finishes, almost sobbing it out. 'I just need to know _that_.'

As if he isn't close enough to her, he steps closer, taking away even space for a sheet of paper to fit between them.

'Remember when I told you that you don't know me?' he asks, following it with an answer. 'That's because I'm not what you think I am.'

'Not this again, Damon,' she rolls her eyes, sighing at the same time.

She's so tired of him insisting that she doesn't know him. If she didn't know him, she wouldn't have lied to both of her best friends, to settle whether she and him are going to be okay in the morning, or if they are going to be acquaintances that have to make appointments with each other before they get together. If she didn't know him, she wouldn't feel this way simply because she felt separated from him all night, for not even five hours if she's right.

'What do you think you just walked in on, Bonnie?' he outrages, seemingly frustrated, just not with her. 'I was rejected, and you know how I thought I was going to shake it off? I was going to drink then seduce my brother's ex-girlfriend. It's this place, Bonnie. _I'm different_ in this place. I'm not _that_ Damon.'

That's what he's been planning with Ivy, she wonders, he was going to sleep with Ivy? Why does it even make her feel uncomfortable just thinking about it?

It doesn't matter, she mentally answers herself. Whatever he'd been planning to do with Ivy, didn't get to happen, because Ivy's gone now, and most importantly, she knows something about him that he never wants to believe.

'I know _who_ you are, Damon,' she tells him softly.

She _knows_ who he is, she doesn't need to have anything else proved to her about him. Neither will she believe that his actions define the one inside him. She's seen the Damon inside, even if he was nowhere to be found when she needed him tonight. She knows _that_ Damon.

In response to that, Damon lets out a short laugh that doesn't sound amused at all.

'You only think that, because it's different with you,' he says after the mirthless laugh. 'Because _I'm_ different with you.'

Why did he make that sound like a bad thing? Anyone would swear that the fact that he's different with her, is nothing significant. He's not helping with this in any way.

'You're just different, Bonnie,' he says in a low whisper that steals her breath.

It's the sincerity in his voice that has her speechless to the point where she forgets that she was originally sad and hurting. How did he just say one thing and convince her heart that she's got nothing to worry about?

'I know that I hurt you, Bon…' his frail voice continues to say. 'I could read it in your eyes when I found you in here…'

Damon has special powers, she concludes. He has special powers, because he just made her throw away her hurt and sadness, simply by _acknowledging_ that he hurt her. She finds herself wondering how can she hold on to how he wasn't there for her when she needed him to be, when he sounds like he's using his last breath just to talk to her. When he sounds on the verge of tears.

'…and you probably don't want to keep wondering if I'm here or not… or if you mean something to me or not… but I _need_ you, Bonnie. Especially in this place,' he weakly lets out, shifting his gaze to stare into space instead of her.

His voice is so low and the words so softly uttered that she feels a little trapped somehow. She suddenly feels like she needs an escape, preferrably in a whole field with _fresh air_.

Thinking fast for an escape, she grabs the bottle of whatever-it-is from his hand, and then goes to sit flat on the floor with her back leaning against the bed. She quickly opens the bottle and then takes a long swig from it, tightly locking her jaws together to weather the taste down her throat. Afterwards, she lifts the bottle towards him.

'Drink?' she offers, her hands shaking a little bit.

It's like extending an olive branch, like calling a truce or like coming to an agreement that they both understand. And luckily, with a soft smile, Damon takes the branch when he comes to sit beside her, taking the bottle into his hand and taking a drink out of the bottle.

'Did I answer your question?' he asks, deliberately looking into her eyes again, only this time, the look in his eyes, is settled, if she can call it that.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

'Why?' her eyes suspiciously squint at him.

She's half a bottle away from being drunk, and she will admit that she's nearly drunk if she's forced to, but she can still keep one thought after the other. Between the two of them, they drank half the bottle and spoke for the time that they've been on the floor.

'Did I do what?' he finishes for her. 'Complete the question, Bon, that's _usually_ how it works.'

She knows _that_ , but she doesn't really want to make the whole question come out of her mouth. She's not all that comfortable with thinking about it in the first place, so why would she be comfortable asking it? But since he insists...

'Why did you want to sleep with Ivy?' she asks before she can change her mind.

As if to say that the question makes him uncomfortable too, Damon turns his head the other way to look away from her. She almost thinks that she's not going to get her answer when he speaks.

'We were having such a good time, Bonnie,' he slurs in a whine. 'Why'd you have to go and make it all serious and about the heart?'

She shrugs, 'I want to know.'

There's nothing else to it, other than she just wants to know, so that she can try to understand it from his side of things.

'I told you, I was hurt,' he says as he turns back to her, 'and when I'm hurt, it's much easier to do stupid things that people will hate me for, than to concentrate on the hurt that I feel.'

A faraway look appears in his eyes, making her believe that he's either deep in the source of said hurt, or simply remembering something. Seeing him like that, makes her realise that losing her memories really took a lot away from her. If she had her memories, she would probably know how to properly deal with him as he is.

'You see,' he carries on, using his hands to illustrate as he speaks, 'the trick is to get someone _so_ pissed at me, that they remind me how repulsive I am at every chance they get, and I get a free ticket out of living in hurtville.'

It's quite sad that he has to do that, that he's taught himself to do that. To think that he doesn't have a healthy way of expressing his feelings, because he's afraid of them overwhelming him, is disheartening.

'That works?' she asks sceptically, to which he shrugs as if to say that she should be the judge of that. 'I think it doesn't,' she delivers her judgement, in a bare whisper.

Taking advantage of the fact that they are face to face, she takes a good minute to really consider him, and then asks, 'You're really hurting, aren't you?'

Showing her a fake and sad smile, he answers, 'How about I just lie to you and tell you that it doesn't?'

That would be convenient, wouldn't it? It would be so easy to brush it aside and pretend that things are okay with him, but then that would just be feeding his unhealthy expression, and she cares about him too much to let that happen. In 1994, he made it a point to remind her that she could ask him anything, that she could tell him anything and she's still holding onto that trust. Is it wrong for her to extend the same thing to him?

'I think I earned this for a reason,' she replies, touching two fingers to her necklace to show him what she means.

Nobody wants to be lied to, least of all her when they are best friends and he gave her a necklace that he intended for the woman that he _loves_. She must've done something right to deserve it. Right?

He brushes his fingers over hers on the necklace and then smiles, a real smile this time, possibly for her benefit, because what comes out of his mouth, doesn't warrant for a warm smile that.

'I found out that my girlfriend forgot me on purpose, so that's as painful as it is. I want to be angry and I also want her to remember me. I want her to love me again, but somehow, I also don't want to _be_ in this place.'

It's funny, of everything that he said, she only concentrates on the part where he said that he wants his girlfriend to have her memories back.

'I thought you were selfish,' she remembers, a little uncomfortable pang touching her heart. 'Isn't that what you said to me when I asked if you were upset about my memories?'

'It's different with you, Bonnie,' he answers, shaking his head.

'And so you keep saying.'

'Because it's true,' he insists. 'You're like...' as he trails off, he busts out a smirk that for some reason, makes her burst into a fit of giggles.

What, why and how she's caught in this fit of giggles, she can't answer, because there is no reason for them. When she gets over the giggles in her system, she finds him staring at her so hard that she thinks she will catch fire.

Feeling like she's under an unflattering microscope, she gathers her posture up to ask, 'What?'

'I was thinking that you're like the Damon whisperer,' is his gentle answer. 'You make me feel like a hundred percent human being.'

She can see right through that, she thinks with a small smile. She knows what he means when he says 'a hundred percent human being', and it's because of that, that she leans her head on his shoulder.

'You are,' she assures him quietly.

She feels a light weight press on her head, when he just as quietly says, 'When _you_ say it, I believe it.'

'Good, because it's true.'

In unison, they both sigh contentedly as if there isn't anything they'd rather be doing in the world. She for one, knows that she likes this and can't imagine herself doing anything else. They may not be having a big moment and they may not have talked to the point of a breakthrough, but this is enough... Just Damon here with her when he could be anywhere else, is perfect for her.

'This is nice,' comes her true confession, her head still on his shoulder. 'Just this... It's nice.'

Absently it seems, Damon hums his agreement and then calls for her. 'Bonnie?'

'Hmm?'

'Turn off the light,' he whispers into her hair.

He knows she can do that, because he's witnessed it more than once. She can do basic spells, just as long as they don't require concentration more than they need to be driven by raw emotions. Turning the light on and off, or lighting a candle or fire, is a simple matter of summoning a feeling of need and then thinking the word for light. It doesn't even need five seconds for her to turn off the light.

Once the light is off, he adjusts his face to hers, making it so that their foreheads are touching. It's almost like a warm current passes from him to her when their skins make contact, because from that, Bonnie feels her body to warm up in a comfortable way. Surprising her, Damon chooses then to press his lips over hers.

Although she's sucks in a quick breath of surprise, she doesn't make a move to pull away. The only thing she does, is count from one to six in her head. Before she reaches seven, his lips pull away from hers, but oddly, she still feels like his lips haven't left hers.

'Happy birthday, Bon,' he tells her, removing his forehead from hers. 'I'll be better. I promise.'

She lets out a long breath. It's not a relieved breath, the same way it's not a calming breath. It's just a breath that she feels like she needs to let out and then she returns her head back on his shoulder.

* * *

Chapter 14, **That Was Then, This Is Now.**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14, **That Was Then, This Is Now.**

* * *

In 1994, she never, not once woke up before Damon. She never slept in the same bed with him either, but here she is, awake before Damon and climbing out of his bed like it's something that she's been doing all of her life.

Successfully getting out of the bed, she catches a glimpse of his sleeping face when she looks back to see if she disturbed his sleep. At first, seeing his still and peaceful face, she produces a faint smile, but then her heart suddenly performs a little unusual flutter that shocks her and she sharply turns away from looking at him.

What the hell was that, she questions herself with a frown as she steps back, what did her heart just do?

She looks his way again, to test if looking at his sleeping face will make her heart do that strange thing again, but she finds that it doesn't. A sigh of relief for overreacting nearly comes out of her mouth, when a thought surfaces within her. Whether it's coming from her head or her heart, she doesn't know, she only knows that she could just sit down, or get on her knees to watch him all day long. Really, she thinks fondly, she could watch his relaxed face, and admire how that's _who_ she sees him to be inside.

 _Ah_ , her apparently versatile heart breathes calmly, the calmness on his face reflects _how_ being with him makes _her_ feel; to the point where she feels weightless to defy gravity. _Ah!_

Of its own will, her left hand begins to reach out to touch his face, when her eyes timely catch sight of it, to put a stop to the act before it's complete. What does she think she's doing exactly, she asks herself as she backs away, what is she trying to achieve? It's not that she shouldn't touch Damon, but something in her gut tells her that this touch wouldn't have been as friendly as it _should_ be. To be honest, now that she's thinking about it, she doesn't trust any of her body parts to be around Damon right now.

Thinking this, she promptly distances herself from Damon's alluring face by going around the bed all the way to the other side.

It's funny how they had a drinking and incredibly intimate time with the lights off last night, but she didn't think anything of it, except it being two best friends being open with each other. And suddenly this morning, she's experiencing thoughts and feelings that she's never experienced concerning him. She'll admit that there'd been that _small_ moment when he woke her up with a birthday cupcake, where she felt like she had to kiss him, but pssh, that doesn't count, because it _seemed_ circumstantial. This morning, however, is purely unwarranted. _And_ she needs to keep her safe distance until she figures out what's wrong with her.

Not long after the thought leaves her mind, the bedroom door violently swings back and Caroline appears in the place where the door had been closed. Bonnie wouldn't exactly say that she got a fright when the door burst open, but she can't say that her heart didn't jump a little at the sudden interruption either.

'Caroline?' she asks, squinting her eyes, not necessarily for better vision.

'I went to your house,' her friend immediately begins, 'and then to the dorm, but you weren't there, so I figured you'd be here.'

She expected that Caroline would be upset and even voice her distaste at the fact that Bonnie lied to her last night, but she doesn't sound like she is. If anything, she sounds like she's in a normal day-to-day mood, which is unlike her.

'Yeah…' Bonnie accepts, doing her best to sound apologetic. 'I kind of lied last night. I just really wanted to come here.'

She shouldn't have to apologise for wanting what she wants, but the least that she can do is apologise for lying. Apparently, though, Caroline doesn't care about it, because she absently waves her explanation away.

'Can I talk to you?' Caroline asks seriously instead.

Although she's a little suspicious of her friend's serious tone, she agrees to the talk, 'Sure. Can I just wash my face first? I just woke up.'

Caroline nods, 'I'll wait for you in my room, or what used to be my room,' she corrects herself. 'I'm going to pack up my things anyway.'

After that, her friend turns and leaves, closing the door behind her.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

When Bonnie didn't find Caroline in her room after her shower, she got the urge to go down to the kitchen to make some pancakes. It's how she's here now, behind the counter with an apron covering her front, mixing batter and reminiscing all the times that she came down in the morning to find Damon making pancakes. No matter how many times she insisted that she didn't like pancakes, he religiously made them _every_ morning. Even when he made something else for her to eat, he _always_ made the pancakes. She later found out why he did it, but to her, she still viewed it as something of a 'thing' between them.

Now, she mentally laughs at herself, _she's_ the one making the pancakes. Damon will tease her for it when he comes down, she just knows that he will.

'What are you doing?' Caroline's voice pushes through her thoughts, making her look up from the bowl.

'I'm making pancakes,' she answers with what she thinks is a secret smile. 'Want some?'

'No,' Caroline curls her lip, coming forwards to her, 'I don't want to eat.'

Bonnie lets it go, because frankly, she's in a good space after the shower. She feels like a fresh start has begun for her this morning since she washed away all the residue stress, and emotions from yesterday; not to mention the alcohol effect.

'Oh,' she remembers, 'uh, I think Ivy left last night.'

To her surprise, even that Caroline waves away like it isn't as important that it requires a response from her. Again, Bonnie notes that it's not like Caroline to brush things aside, but this time, she doesn't let it go.

'Is something wrong, Caroline?' she wants to know, actively putting her pancake batter mixing to a brief end.

As she pushes the bowl to the side, she spies Damon appear in the background and her eyes can't help but focus on him instead of Caroline. Just as he was last night, he stands shirtless on the spot, flicking his eyes to the bowl and then raises his eyebrows to question her. In response, she sends him a small smile, thinking that he _better not_ say anything about her making pancakes. As though reading her, Damon sends her a wicked smile of his own -as a warning probably-, and to avoid being affected by it, she returns her eyes to Caroline.

'I feel like something's up,' she tells her friend, feeling like Caroline's taking too long to answer.

'I kissed Stefan last night,' her friend blurts out in a rush.

Her eyes reflexively dart to Damon, as if he's the one to tell her _how_ she should react to the news, like he knows the appropriate response that she should give, except, he only shrugs to say that he's as clueless as she is. Some help he is!

Okay, she has to think fas, Bonnie thinks as she looks at Caroline again.

For one thing, she obviously doesn't remember the mechanics of Caroline's relationship with Stefan, and for another, _what_?! It's clear from the way that Caroline let it out, that it's the first time a kissed ever happened between them, and most importantly, it _wasn't_ supposed to happen. If she follows along that line of thought, she _might_ be safe, but she would rather not take chances and risk her friend getting suspicious of her memory loss, so she repeats what Caroline said as a question.

'You kissed Stefan?'

Caroline nods nervously, giving off the impression that she expects judgment for it.

'Wow,' Bonnie chooses to reply.

The word alone is thankfully ambiguous enough for her friend not to get suspicious of the fact that Bonnie really knows nothing of the expected response.

'I know,' Caroline sighs, placing her hands on the counter and then looks at them. 'I told Elena about it at the dorm this morning, and she responded by saying that Damon kissed _her_ last night. I don't know what I expected her to say, really, but…'

 _Damon? Kissed Elena? Last night?_

She feels betrayed _somehow_. She feels like they'd been on the same page up until _this_ point, where he's now suddenly chapters ahead while she's left behind.

Like a gunshot just went off inside her, penetrating through her internal walls to be free on the outside, Bonnie sharply shoots her eyes to Damon. She forgets all about Caroline to intensely bore her eyes into Damon's.

If Damon didn't get a look of defeat in his eyes, she would've told herself that she's overreacting like she did when she woke up. And if maybe, just maybe, he didn't cast his eyes to the floor in pure shame afterwards, she wouldn't _feel_ like he did her wrong by kissing Elena and not telling her about it. If he didn't look as guilty as he does, she would've rationalised that he has his own life, one that has nothing to do with her, and he can very well kiss who he wants to kiss.

But he did all of those things, so yes, the conditional is ruled out.

Seeing him look _so_ guilty, to her, is comparable to quietly admiring a magnificent skyscraper when suddenly, a construction boulder swings right into its centre, mercilessly destroying it right in front of her. His guilt, his refusal to look her in the eyes and even dare to lie to her -because at this point, she prefers it to the truth- is like watching the remnants of a dream turn to cinder. It's like she just watched her Damon, from then, from 1994, burn to _that_ , _now_.

If the feeling of betrayal had left her with strength in her heart to be disappointed, she would will herself to be it, but as it is, she can't even find the strength to sigh out the weight of the betrayal she feels. It's only thanks to Caroline calling her name, that she finds a little distraction; unwelcome, but a distraction all the same.

'Bonnie?' Caroline calls.

With the draining feeling of rapidly drifting away from him, she reluctantly turns her eyes back to her friend. 'I'm sorry, what?' she asks huskily. Her feelings are affecting her voice now too?

'Are you okay?' Caroline asks with a frown. 'You look…'

Because she doesn't know exactly how to respond, Bonnie looks up back Damon, only to find the spot where he had been, empty as though he was never there. The amount of force that it hits her with, she can't even begin to relay to another person. However, if she was forced to, she'd say it's like the sharp tip of a pin just made contact with her heart. _The effect of the prick_ , is how she would accurately describe the force that hit her, if a knife was put to her head, otherwise, no, she can't put it into words.

Caroline turns behind to see what she's looking at, which reluctantly brings her back to reality again.

'I'm fine,' she lies when her friend turns back to her. 'What were you saying?'

Fortunately, her friend takes her word for it and continues with what she was saying. 'I think I blew it with Stefan,' she says. 'I asked him if he felt the same about me after I kissed him, but he said that I was just hurting, because my mom died-'

Hold on, what? If she wasn't that invested in Caroline's story, she is now.

'What do you mean your mom died?' she asks Caroline.

'She was sick, Bonnie,' Caroline replies like they are talking about blouse colours, 'and there was nothing we could do. Stefan and I stayed with her last night, but she died somewhere in the middle of the night.'

How can Caroline sound so unaffected like she does? Why does it seem like Caroline's treating the fact that her mother's dead, in a plain way? _She's_ not even Liz's daughter, and yet, she feels the hollow pang of loss at hearing that Liz died.

'Oh, Care,' she empathises in a low tone, 'I'm _so_ sorry.'

'Don't, Bonnie,' Caroline dismisses with a hand. 'I can't. Not right now. Just let me tell you what happened with Stefan.'

The plea, although callously spoken, is silently laced with so much need, that Bonnie cannot ignore it. 'Okay,' she agrees.

The truth is, she has her own recent feelings are flirting around inside her, just trying to seduce her to manifest them outwardly, so it wouldn't be wise to dig for Caroline to explore her feelings, when she isn't one with her feelings either.

'Stefan held me while I cried and, I guess,' Caroline narrates, 'I just felt like I _had_ him and I would be okay, so I kissed him. I told him that I really like him, but as you know, he rejected me.'

'I'm sorry, Care,' she replies generically, not specifically sorry in the sense that she's implying.

'Don't,' her friend heaves, making their eyes meet, 'Please don't, Bonnie. I just need you to listen to me, because I have to get _this_ off my chest.

Bonnie quietly nods to encourage her to go on.

'I'm just… I feel really bad. Stefan's been spending a lot of time with Elena lately and I'm insecure about it, because they might just fall for each other again. I mean, there's nothing stopping either of them, not since Elena got rid of her memories of Damon. It's not like she remembers that she loves him anymore, so there's nothing holding them back. I just… I wanted Stefan to want me too.'

To Caroline, it would seem like Bonnie's looking at her with a stunned expression, because she said all that she said all at once, without the proper breaks in between. The truth is, however, that Bonnie can't, for the life of her, wrap her head around the idea of Damon and Elena. This kiss made her feel betrayed enough, but to hear that Elena is Damon's girlfriend?

Damon was there with her in 1994, he knows how important it was and is for her to have him as exclusive to only her in _that_ special bonded way! He sat across her and practically told her that Elena didn't have a bigger place in his life than she did! He lived everyday with her, doing things for her and with her, making her have no doubt that they were ride or die best friends, connected in a way that couldn't ever be detached! He told her, that the things that he told her in 1994, he never shared with anyone... But apparently... Apparently he just constructed a world for her?

'I'm sorry,' Caroline notices her shock, pulling her from her thoughts again. 'I got so carried away that I forgot that you just came back. You still need to catch up, don't you?'

Huh? Catch up? No. She doesn't need to catch up. She needs to sit down and hear the truth from Damon, raw and uncensored. Nonetheless, for Caroline's benefit, she lies with a nod that she _does_ need to catch up.

Caroline gathers herself up at full length. 'I promise to catch you up on everything later. Right now, I need to go and make arrangements for my mom's funeral. I don't want to drag it on.'

'I'll come with you,' Bonnie hastily offers, feeling like she should offer.

Her friend shakes her head, 'Bonnie, you just got back.'

'No, it's fine,' she insists, even though she has no real desire to go. 'I want to help you. I'll come with you.'

She feels bad that Liz died, but selfishly, Liz's death doesn't take anything away from how she feels. She feels what she feels and that's that.

'At least finish making your pancakes,' Caroline suggests.

Pancakes! She doesn't even eat pancakes!

'I hate pancakes,' is what venomously comes from her mouth, the corner of her eyes darting to the bowl to stink-eye it.

Caroline gives her a puzzled look, but says nothing about it. 'Okay,' she agrees, 'Let me just get my stuff and then we can leave.'

'Yeah, okay,' Bonnie replies, already planning to go to Damon's room while Caroline gets her bag as she begins to undo the stupid apron around her.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

She has limited time, she has limited time, she has limited time, Bonnie keeps repeating to herself step after step to Damon's room. She needs to keep repeating that, to remind herself by the second that she shouldn't go to him in full confrontation mode like she did last night. For now, the luxury of an actual talk with him is too much out of her budget, because she barely has a minute to meet Caroline back in the kitchen. Also, she doesn't want Caroline to find her in Damon's room again.

She has limited time, she thinks one last time as her fingers curl around the doorknob, so she has to make this quick and precise. She'll enter and then wait for him to say something, and... Well, she doesn't really have any specific strategy, because in the depths of her, she knows that she only really wants to hear him explain himself in the hope that maybe it will make her feel better.

When she finally opens the door and pushes it back, Damon's figure standing at the end of the bed, is the first thing that meets her eyes. Where she expected him to be one way, she soon sees that unlike his usual confident self, he's just awkwardly standing there, like he doesn't know what to do with himself. What's more, he doesn't even look her way to acknowledge her entrance. It kind of feels like he's doing his best to avoid her eye, truthfully, once again displaying the guilt from before. The thing about his guilt, though, is that it makes everything _that_ much worse.

Still, going by her original plan of waiting for him to say something, she gives him a little time to acknowledge her; it's only fair, she tells herself. Sadly, though, he doesn't use her given time. Not to say anything and not to look at her.

'I left my clothes in your bathroom,' she says to finally break the tension in the room.

Clearly, he's not going to say anything to her first, so when, for an answer, he only nods, the obvious is confirmed. Would it be so hard to open his mouth and give her an answer? Because maybe it might ease the tension up a bit.

In an attempt to rid herself of the effect the tension is having on her, she slowly breathes out, telling herself in that moment that it would be better for her to escape his presence by going into his bathroom. And that's exactly what she does; she scurries the distance between where she is and the bathroom. As soon as she gets into the bathroom, she closes the door behind her, presses her back to the door and bends over as if she's in mild abdominal pain. Her heart is pounding in her chest, all for walking past him; apparently, walking past Damon raised a certain anxiety within her. She needs a minute to regain her fast-paced breaths.

When did she transform from the girl in the good place, the girl feeling like a fresh start had begun, to someone that's swallowing lump after lump down her throat?

'Open the door,' she hears coming from the other side in a gentle yet commanding way.

No! She doesn't want to open the door. She pushes her eyelids together as though doing that will get the message across to him.

'Open the door, Bonnie,' he tries again.

'Why?' she asks.

It's a stupid question, because it's _his_ bathroom and he might very want to use it, but still...

'Just open the door,' he says just at the same time that Caroline calls for her. 'Bonnie, are you in there? I have my stuff, let's go.'

Thank goodness for the rescue, she huffs out her relief, thank goodness for Caroline today. Without Caroline's timing, she doesn't know she would've been or not been.

Thinking that Damon would've backed off to make way for Caroline, she opens the door, only, she runs smack into him once the door opens. For the secind that she's updating her brain on how she's making unexpected physical contact with Damon, he wraps his hand around her wrist.

'Stay,' he tells her.

His eyes still have the same guilt from before, but through the guilt, she can see that he means it that he wants her to stay. She nearly gives in, but fortunately, Caroline isn't having any of it.

'Get away, Damon,' Caroline actually pushes him to the side, breaking his hold on Bonnie. 'Let's go, Bonnie.'

Although Bonnie doesn't wait for a third invitation to leave, she leaves it open that _if_ Damon makes a final move of somehow blocking her exit out of the room, she will stay, because yes, she feels betrayed and yes, she wants answers. The reality that makes her acquaintance when she finds herself several steps out of his room, however, is that he didn't block her from leaving.

Why is everything so different now?

* * *

Chapter 15, **Ungodly Hour.**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15, **Ungodly Hour.**

* * *

Of course, he followed Bonnie and her annoying friend! It would have defied the very core foundation of his being to not follow her. Not only that, but the insistently itching curiosity to know where they were going that he developed when he asked her to stay and she didn't, had such a binding power over him, that he couldn't have stayed behind if he tried to.

To be real, the second part isn't entirely true, but it's rather that he doesn't trust the annoying friend with Bonnie, _period_. The possibilities of damaging things that could be said by the annoying friend to Bonnie, are endless, and no, he doesn't want to find out about them from a hurting Bonnie. He's never been partial to a downcast and dejected Bonnie, and so he prefers that he doesn't have to witness her that way from here on out.

Last night, when she came to see him and he saw blatant uncertainty in her eyes, he wanted with all his being to feel that in her stead, so that she didn't continue to feel what her eyes reflected. Today, he's tailing her in the mind that if it gets to a part where her annoying friend starts with something that could be a potential threat, he'll swoop in and stop it before the disaster happens. But until then, he will keep his eyes on them, and his ears open to their conversation from where he is. Because he's already compelled the coffee shop waitress to let him be, to not disturb him, he knows that there are no interruptions to be worried about.

Like the professional that he is, he's managed to follow and keep up with them undetected, and he plans to keep it this way until Caroline releases Bonnie. Then, when she's out of the picture and he can have Bonnie to himself, he'll make himself known to her. For now, however, he'll sit here at his table and continue to do what he's been doing so far.

'So,' Caroline says after a small sip from her mug, 'I want to go away for a while.'

It would be better if she went away now, right this minute, he thinks with more hope than should be allowed. She's done nothing but separate Bonnie from him since they arrived, it would be a welcome opposite if she just got up and left. It would make him happy if she left...

'Maybe Hawaii,' she continues after silence answers her from Bonnie's end. 'Or Tahiti. Just somewhere with lots of sun and fun.'

Anywhere is fine, just as long as you're not constantly taking Bonnie from my presence, he answers in his head just as Bonnie quietly asks, 'Is that really a good idea?'

From where he is, all thanks to his vampire sight, he can see thin lines develop under her eyes. Knowing her the way he does, he doesn't particularly need to hear her next words after the small breath, to realise that she's only speaking in concern for her friend.

'Running away from something doesn't make it go away,' she completes somewhat dryly.

Even with so many other customers in the shop, doing different things and making all kinds of noises, he picks up the self-reflective tone in her words. Over the tons of sounds that he hears, her tone speaks loud and clearly to him, that she knows _exactly_ what she's talking about even though she strongly wishes that it wasn't like she said.

It must be him, comes to his mind, she must silently be referring to her little bump with him from earlier this morning. He doesn't like that this morning happened either, but it did and there's nothing short of turning back time that he can do to change it. It's precisely because earlier bugs the hell out of his piece of mind that he feels a pang at that tone. Suddenly doesn't like that he followed her, because this new hollow feeling within him, isn't one bit nice.

'I know that,' Caroline's answer partly distracts him from his recent feeling, 'but Stefan's here so I can't stay.'

'You can just avoid him,' Bonnie gently suggests.

Impossible, is what he has to say to her suggestion, but miraculously, what he'd more or less been thinking, comes from Caroline's mouth. For once, she's useful in this equation.

'Tgh,' she utters, sounding in complete disbelief of what Bonnie is saying. 'Those Salvatore boys are unavoidable, I swear. You should know.'

Damon takes the time to think that he won't argue with her on that, because the truth is, he and his brother have a way of being everywhere, especially where they are least wanted. It's mostly him more than it is his organised brother, but all the same, the more anyone tries to avoid the more they seem to get in that person's way. It must run in the genes, he concludes.

'Plus,' she adds during Bonnie's silence, 'I just want to distract myself from, you know, for a while.'

Well, things just took a gloomy turn, Damon realises. He refuses to think about Liz's death, he won't let his mind stray to the gloomy reality of his friend's death, not right now when he has no one to talk to about it. Thankfully, Bonnie's answer distracts him from thinking about Liz's death.

'You need to _feel_ , Care,' she says. 'Feel for as long as you need to.'

She can say that because she doesn't have her memories, but the truth is, sometimes feeling isn't the most helpful thing. He knows firsthand that feeling can lead to deceptive reactions, which cause problems in the long run. Also, feeling just sucks, it sucks to feel things that aren't happiness or exhilaration.

He watches as Caroline leans forwards to passionately say, 'I _am_ feeling, Bonnie. That's why my humanity's still on. But I just _need_ a distraction from feeling.'

The way she says it, he can truly understand what she means. Losing a mother is the hardest thing anyone will ever have to face. He lost his mother at an early age, so he can empathise with her on what it's like to want a break from feeling. Actually, he's quite unable to believe that she _didn't_ turn her humanity off, to deal with the death of her mother. Those two had been too close, and for her to still be intact without turning her humanity off, is commendable.

'And school?' Bonnie wonders, referring to her friend's need for a break.

'Asks the girl who's missed more than a semester of class,' jokingly comes from Caroline. 'You're lucky you have year modules, otherwise, you'd fail this year.'

'Oh, right,' it seems to hit Bonnie only then, 'I have so much school to catch up on.'

She should give herself a break, she's only been back for one day, she can't seriously expect herself to normally get back into the groove of things just like that. _He_ can't even fully insert himself to get back to the normal way of things, and he has _all_ of his memories. Sure, he wants things to go back to the way they used to be, but deep inside, he's not ready to give up 1994 just like that either. It's mainly the reason that he keeps ungraciously going back and forth between this Damon and 1994-with-Bonnie Damon, and because of that, he can't decide to be one version altogether, while leaving the other in the dust.

'So, I guess asking you to come with me, is out of the question?'

'To Tahiti?' Bonnie laughs at her friend's question. 'No thanks.'

He doesn't understand why, but an unpleasant feeling rises in him when she stops laughing. He tries to reason that maybe it's genuine freedom and security in her laugh that makes him feel partly sour when it stops, but his heart doesn't agree with the theory. However, when his heart attempts to give its input, he quickly turns it down by pressing his mind to concentrate on the conversation again.

'What about Amsterdam?' Caroline asks after the small pause.

'Amsterdam?'

'I just thought of it,' the other girl explains with a shrug. 'It's like the capital centre for cute boys and memorable vacations, or so I've heard.'

Amsterdam is Amsterdam, he thinks with a nostalgic. Nothing sums Amsterdam up more than its own name does.

Shaking her head, Bonnie says, 'I'm not going to Amsterdam.'

'Well, I am,' her friend quickly replies. 'I'll pack my bags and leave as soon as the funeral is over.'

And there's that gloomy territory again. How many times does he have to avoid listening to death talk today? Seriously...

'I'm really sorry about your mom,' Bonnie apologises, bringing her hand to her neck to fondle her necklace.

He likes that she did that. He can't say if she did it without thinking, which means that it's meaningless, but he does make himself believe that she had a purpose in touching it. From his side at least, he finds it probable that she finds some comfort in the necklace. It says that she's not completely angry with him.

'I knew it was going to happen,' Caroline answers like she doesn't want condolences. 'I'm a horrible person for this, but I kind of prepared myself for it. I'd rather just talk about anything else... like I don't know, Elena's necklace around your neck.'

Visibly surprised, Bonnie pulls a face, lifting the necklace off her skin to hold between her fingers. 'This necklace?' she asks in a tone that suggests that she thinks she and her friend are on separate pages.

'Uh-huh. Elena said she couldn't find it, but obviously you have it. Between you and me, I don't know why she kept it after breaking up with Stefan and getting with Damon, but hey, she did.'

Why can't the girl just keep her mouth shut? Why did she have to go and talk about things that don't concern her? And for the love of something, why does she keep talking about Elena to Bonnie?

A prompt warning flag arises in his head. This should be the time that he gets up from his table to go over to the two girls to put a quick stop to any more information about Elena to Bonnie, but something is telling him to stay put. Despite the warning flag, he has the feeling that he has to stay glued in his seat and wait. It doesn't seem right, and yet, he feels like he can't go against the feeling that he has.

'Caroline...' Bonnie starts unsurely, like she doesn't want to have to say what she's going to say. 'Damon and Elena...?'

'What about them?' the other girl asks a little coldly.

What's her deal, Damon wonders, what's with the attitude? Why does she have to ask it like that, like it's repulsive subject that she can't be bothered to care about? If he was in Bonnie's stead, he'd be rethinking whatever he'd been planning to ask her, if that's her attitude even before the real question is out in the open.

'I was just wondering about them,' Bonnie answers quietly. It's like she read his thoughts on Caroline's attitude.

No, Bonnie, he silently counters, you're not _just_ wondering. Lie to her, and try to lie to yourself, but you can't lie to me. I know you're not just wondering. I know that you're not just curious. I know how affected you are. I can read it on your face, that you're looking to find answers that you wanted to get from me earlier.

'Don't, Bonnie, just don't,' Caroline warns. 'That's my advice to you. I don't know what happened between you two where you were, but I know that Damon's all about Elena. He lives, eats and worships that girl. You can't think for a second that he wouldn't throw you under the bus for Elena, because he would.'

'Caroline, I was just wondering,' she tries to defend herself.

'I have eyes Bonnie Bennett, so don't give me that,' her friend rebuts. 'Besides, how do you explain the fact that you spent the night with him? You do remember that you lied to me to do it, right?'

To escape her, anyone would lie. It's not just a thing Bonnie did to get back to him, it's something that anyone else would've easily done.

'He's my best friend,' Bonnie announces proud enough to massage his ego. 'Since when is it a crime to stay with a friend?'

Even though she's not drinking, he hears Caroline make a choking noise, just as he winces. In a way, their reactions are pretty much the same; Caroline might be choking on Bonnie's words for a different reason from his wincing at Bonnie's words, but he can guarantee with all certainty that the reactions are the same.

'Damon, your best friend?' Caroline asks incredulously. 'I'd say you've either lost your memory, or you're brainwashed, because _no way_ are you even _close_ to being friends with Damon Salvatore.'

Well, now he's totally busted. When he heard Caroline choke, he pretty much assumed that it was over for him, but this just cements it in for him. Now might probably be a good time to leave and try to work out an acceptable explanation for Bonnie. If she goes by all the revelations since this morning, she'll no doubt be wondering if he constructed a world of lies for her.

Oh, yeah, he needs to leave right now and work out how to make her believe him that he didn't have malicious intentions for telling her what he did.

Thinking this, he slowly rises from his chair, not paying proper attention to the girls at their table. Just before he moves his leg to take his first step away from the table, however, Bonnie looks his way and they make eye contact.

She's known he he's been here all along, he reads on her unfazed face. Had she not known that he was there, there would've been a look of surprise on her face and her eyes would be filled with question. Still, even seeing it for himself that she's known of his presence, he shamelessly tries to hide by ducking his head and making a swift dash for the door. This day suddenly feels like an irritatingly ungodly hour for him. Can it be over already?

'I'll be right back,' he hears her say at the same time that a chair is pushed back.

He doesn't need to look up to know that she got up from the table and is headed his way. Unfortunately, he doesn't quite make it to leave through the door before she catches up with him, because someone opens the door from outside and he's forced to wait for them to get inside. While he halts to make way for the incoming person, she continues walking to him until she catches up, but instead of saying something to him when she reaches the door, the person that just came in, says something to _her_.

'Hi, Bonnie.'

That voice! He knows that voice! Instantly forgetting his escape, he turns his attention to the person that's just half a step from the door, to find that it's none other than Kai.

Until his eyes see the seemingly pleasant smile on Kai's face, Damon didn't know that he has a sizzling hatred for the person who just came in. There's actually nothing in particular that Kai did to _him_ , rather, it's more to do with the thought that he'd spied on Bonnie for a total of four months before coming out in the open. Something about Kai having watched Bonnie while she slept in the privacy of her room, amongst other private times, makes him want to throttle all the life out of Kai. It's only thanks to Bonnie who speaks, that he catches himself.

'I'm sorry,' Bonnie frowns, 'do I know you?'

'Fair enough,' Kai responds, not losing his smile. 'I understand you pretending that you don't know me, since I stole your magic and left both you and Damon unconscious in 1994, but-'

Suddenly overwhelmed the hatred he feels for Kai, Damon shoves him against the door of the coffee shop, and then proceeds to push Kai out of the coffee shop. With anger blinding his reasoning, he couldn't care less if he alarmed anyone or not, or even if he's making a scene by thrusting Kai onto the wall as his hands circle the front of his neck.

 _'You stole her magic?!'_ he asks throatily.

Disgust blends in with his blinding anger, to make a dangerous mixture of a unique emotion. The emotion's not quite protective possessiveness, neither is it furious contempt, rather, it's completely unique that he can't even describe it. All he knows is that he will tear Kai apart if he says even one wrong thing.

Kai, for his part, isn't affected by Damon's hold on him. If anything, he looks like he's been expecting that reaction.

'Same old Damon,' Kai evenly comments, 'still protective of Bonnie. I like that. But look, I really have changed since the last time I saw you. I'm not the same Kai anymore. Who do you think told my sister Jo where to find you two?'

That doesn't change anything! Who cares if he told the army how to get to them! No good deed that he may have done, will ever redeem the fact that he stole Bonnie's magic. That's an essential part of her that he took without permission! Who the hell does he think he is, to believe that he had the right to take what didn't belong to him!

 _'You stole her magic!_ ' he barks to emphasise the magnitude of the situation.

'I can easily restore it, you know,' Kai calmly answers. 'I have my own magic now, thanks to someone _you_ know.'

That sounds better, promising even. He's somewhat comforted by the idea that there's an actual chance of Bonnie getting her magic back, since she refuses to take his blood to help the process along.

'What about her memories?' he wants to know.

It's not necessarily that he's asking Kai to restore Bonnie's memories, not quite, it's actually that he just thought of something and he wants to have an answer for it. While Caroline has revealed a few things today, he's not all that sure that he's comfortable with Bonnie getting her memories back for good; it could very well change their relationship.

Kai frowns, looking confused for a second, and then he looks around Damon to Bonnie probably. She must've followed them out of the coffee shop.

'Bonnie doesn't have her memories?' he asks, his eyes lingering on whoever he's looking at.

'Don't play dumb,' Damon warns him. 'I know you had something to do with her lost memories too!'

If he had the audacity to steal Bonnie's magic, he could've shamelessly taken her memories to make her forget that she could get them out of the Prison World. He wouldn't put if past Kai to do something like that.

'Well,' Kai returns his eyes to him, 'I _can_ restore her memories...' he deliberately trails off and then leans into Damon, bringing his lips to Damon's ear to say, 'Like I did with Elena last night... you know, after she came back from running into you...'

Damon's whole body, his entire system from the first toe to the last sense, freezes. He freezes like he instantly became stunned to a frozen item. Elena has her memories back?

'What's wrong, Damon?' Kai questions. 'You don't look furious anymore. Why is that?'

* * *

Chapter 16, **Used To Be.**


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16, **Used to Be.**

* * *

Elena…

His mind can, and is _only_ wrapping itself around the subject, the name and the thought of Elena; his _precious_ Elena Gilbert.

Her name floats around in his mind like a calming breeze on the beach, making seductive contact with his exposed skin, to seep into the pores and shoot exhilarating life within the depths of the him. Just thinking of her name makes his skin _tingle_ in a sizzling way, a way rare even to the overly sensitive vampire species. He feels like he just freshly sprung to life in the most invigorating of ways, and at the same time, he feels like he's going to explode for the way that he can't contain the exhilaration.

While his mind concentrates on getting his previously frozen body to life through these new feelings and sensations, it fails to keep his other body parts in place to keep securely holding Kai like they'd been doing. But then again, even if his mind _could_ gather itself together for long enough to maintain proper hold on Kai, Damon _couldn't_ be bothered in the least to worry about it, not when he just received the news of his life.

His girl has her memories back!

A slow smile, beginning from deep within his soul, makes its way to his lips, to make manifest the feelings within him, the joy that he wants to loudly express without holding back.

Elena _has_ her memories back! That means everything to him! It means that he can finally be with her like he's supposed to have been from the second that he got back. If she got her memories back last night, he eagerly thinks, then…

He _has_ to find Elena! There are so any things that he has to say to her. There are so many ways that he can kiss her, and then proceed to make love to her like he never did before. Yes, his smile grows along with his thoughts, he has to go and see Elena, and no, he doesn't care if she's in the middle of class, or saving the world of someone as they know it, he only cares that he'll go to her and he'll celebrate with her!

But then just as he makes to move, he feels a hand grab his arm, rudely pulling him from his happily excited thoughts. Not primarily annoyed, because he's still in the spirit of finding Elena and painting the day with every colour of the rainbow, he allows himself the distraction to find out what's going on. When his eyes settle on Kai, and they send the image of his face to his brain, his brain flashes all the information it has on Kai to him, causing him to pull his eyebrows together in question.

He's not _yet_ annoyed, not even about the fact that Kai's the one that's halting his pending plan to find his girl, but he is a little way to getting there; it just needs a little time.

'I just thought…' Kai evenly says, apparently wondering. 'Did you suddenly get like that, because Elena didn't come looking for you even though she has her memories?'

Just like that, the calming breeze that had brought his body out from his frozen state disappears completely, to be replaced by a hot fire right in the middle of his chest. It's like he had a light on, illuminating him from within, and then it suddenly went off. The internal transformation happens so fast, that Damon doesn't realise that he's angry until he notices that his hands are around Kai's neck. Not only that, he notices that his hands are trembling, as though they are working on their own accord, but can't control themselves enough to be stable.

Flicking his eyes from his trembling hands back to Kai's face, it's then that he begins to feel his chest burning with an uncontrollable heat. The flames of the fire are lapping at every part of his body, making him feel the worst kind of frustration he's ever known. He feels cornered and unable to do anything against the burning heat within him, _and_ it's provoking the patience right out of him.

He doesn't understand what it is that he feels, what it's for and where it came from, he only knows that he _needs_ to lash out, and since Kai is conveniently in his grasp, he'll be the one to pay the price. He releases one hand around Kai, instantly bringing it to punch Kai in the middle of his neck, right where his throat lies. The hit apparently makes perfect contact, because Kai lets out a long cry of discomfort.

Although he's glad that he caused Kai pain, it doesn't satisfy him.

He still feels like he needs to keep punching and lashing out, so that he doesn't feel like the fire burning inside of him has control of him to the point where he is helpless to do anything against it. He raises his fist to hit Kai in the same place again, when a sharply desperate scream from behind him stops him.

'Damon!'

The sudden sound of Bonnie's voice pierces through the heart of his frustration, effectively making him stop mid-action. Why did she have to go and do that, he wonders, closing his eyes to swallow his missed opportunity. He _can't_ contend with her voice, neither can he choose to disregard it, because it's like he told her last night; her voice is like the Damon whisperer. Whatever little sound comes to him through the sound of her voice, makes all the difference that matters to him.

Slowly (slightly resentful too), he lowers his closed hand, and although he's not willingly lowering his hand, he feels like it's not a negative thing. He has the feeling that it's the one thing that Bonnie needs from him right now. Somehow, even with his back turned, he can tell that her body is shaking and laboured breaths are coming from her mouth. He doesn't need to turn back to her to know that she's half dazed and half frightened, he just knows that she is.

'I see Bonnie still has _that_ effect on you,' Kai comments like he didn't just get punched in the throat.

The idiot, Damon aggressively thinks, wishing with all his might that Bonnie wasn't around to tamper him when his rowdy inside get the better of him. He would've liked that when his rowdy inside screamed for him to hurt Kai appropriately, he could easily do it. Kai doesn't know how lucky he is.

'Get out of here!' Damon barks at Kai, loosing his hold so that Kai can make his escape. 'Now!'

Not even a second after the order, Kai vanishes from his sight. He doesn't move out of the enclosed space, he simply vanishes, making it seem like he'd never been there in the first place. This leaves Damon a little confused, because if Kai could do that from the beginning, why did he let himself be hit like he couldn't do anything to stop it?

While he's wondering about Kai, he feels a tap on his back, breaking him away from his thoughts. He carefully turns around to find Bonnie with her open palm thrust out towards him. Although he vaguely sees something in her open hand, he chooses to look into her eyes instead. He needs to know that she's not afraid of him, of what he might do, and he can only know that by looking into her eyes.

Her eyes shining with accumulating tears, she tells him, 'Take it.'

Seeing tears in her eyes, makes him feel strange. He can't put his finger on the feeling exactly, because between feeling alive enough to go and seek out Elena a minute ago, and then feeling like his insides were on fire for no apparent reason, he can't make out what he really feels for seeing tears in Bonnie's eyes. It's a strange feeling, that much he knows, a bad strange feeling, but he can't put a specific name on the feeling. What he can do, is try to pull in a breath to clear his now heavy chest.

He pulls in a breath, and even a second one, however, neither do anything to relieve his stuffed chest. In another attempt to release some pressure from his chest, he bends his arm at the elbow so that the part of his hand just above his wrist rubs over the centre of his chest in a small circular motion. That doesn't help either. If anything, it makes the heavy pressure in his chest spread more.

If only closing his eyes could ease it all...

'Take the necklace,' she tells him again, this time pressing her lips together as if to say that she's forcing herself to say it.

That's what's in her hand, he wonders, resisting the temptation to look at her hand, she has the necklace in her hand?

In any case, he doesn't care, all he wants to do is figure out what this strange feeling is and how to get rid of it. What is this strange feeling that has him hating the tone of her voice for implying that she's forcing herself to even talk to him?

'Take it,' she orders, pushing her hand more towards him. 'You can give it to her now.'

 _What?_

Reluctantly and for the first time since facing her, his eyes travel down to her hand to take a look at the necklace.

'Bonnie, what?-' he begins to ask when she cuts him off.

' _Take it_ ,' Bonnie forces through gritted teeth, consequently making his eyes move back to hers.

Slightly confused, he tries to read something from her eyes, something that will at least give him a clue as to why she's suddenly giving the necklace back to him. It's that he's sure that she couldn't have heard Kai telling him that Elena has her memories back, so he can't piece together where this sudden thing is coming from. Just last night she was bragging about how she must've earned the necklace for a reason, and now she wants to give it back to him for no reason?

Something's not right.

Without saying a word, he considers the look in her eyes and the crestfallen look on her face, to make him reach the only plausible conclusion. She clearly doesn't want to give it back, the way she forced the words to come out of her mouth as if to show that she wanted him to decline her offer, told him that much. And even if her words didn't tell him that, her face would give her away anyway. The only explanation for this, is that she's repeating last night all over again.

 _This_ isn't primarily about the necklace, he realises. Yes, it's partly about the necklace too, but overall, this is about something bigger than what she's doing here. He can feel it in his bones that this is about something deeper, and heavily lined with stronger emotions than last night.

 _He needs to fix this_ , he weakly thinks, feeling even more pressure in his chest. _He needs to fix this_... _again_...

Shifting his eyes to hers just before his fingers pull the necklace from her palm, he catches the stunned look of disbelief on her face when the necklace leaves her hand. He meant to see that expression on her face, but now only if he could mirror it back to her, so that she can know through his eyes, how ridiculous she looks doubting him for nothing.

'Don't be stupid, Bonnie…' he whispers with a concentrated frown, quickly taking hold of her hand like he'd meant to do all along.

She can't know what a relief it is to him that she doesn't snatch her hand away from his. She can't begin to imagine how some of the pressure in his chest dispersed when she didn't refuse his touch.

With her hand in his, he swiftly pulls her into him, maneuvering so fast that by the time she's gasping in her surprise, her front is already touching his chest and his free hand is already joining the at the back of her neck. The hand that he used to pull her into him, goes around her neck to join the other.

'If I wanted to give this to her,' he continues to whisper to her while his hands work on locking the necklace around her neck, 'I wouldn't have given it to you.'

By the time he gave the to her, he already knew that they would eventually get out of 1994, it was just a matter of when. He didn't know that she'd slightly lost her magic then, but he knew that her magic was the answer to getting them out of there and when the time was ripe, they'd get out of there. He knew back then that he'd eventually have Elena with again, and he could've chosen to keep the necklace for that epic moment, but he didn't; he chose to give it to her, Bonnie Bennett, and there's nothing in the past, in the present or in the future that will make him recant his words or decision. Nothing.

In response to his words, her heart thrums loudly in his ears, but more than that, he feels it on his chest from hers. It's a peculiar kind of thing to experience, but not at all unpleasant. He's just about to melt into the closeness, to feel her beating heart on his chest, when she roughly pulls back, stepping back from him to look at him like she doesn't know who he is.

'What's your problem, Damon?' she demands, putting an angry mask on her face. 'You're just so different here. You're one thing and then you're another. What are you?'

'Bonnie,' is all that leaves his mouth.

'Damon,' she returns, apparently challenging him.

Last night, this morning in the kitchen and then later in his room, are all painted brightly on her face. He can see every question and every doubt etched into the very lines of the mask of anger on her face. While he can tell that she's actually angry with him, and maybe even herself, he also knows that deep down, she just _needs_ him to clear everything up for her. He managed to calm her down last night, but then new things arose this morning and he didn't get a chance to talk to her, because one, he didn't know where to begin, and two, Caroline stood in the way.

'Listen Bonnie...' he tries to start an explanation, but then he can't say more after that.

He has to say something to her, he knows he does, but he doesn't know where to start. He didn't imagine that things would be this way for them, he didn't know that everything would be different once they got back. Nothing in 1994 prepared him for this mess that he found, which is leading him to create mess after mess with her.

'I just…' she huffs, 'Damon… I just need the truth. Look, you're all I have here. You're what connects me to everything else and I trust you, but it's so frustrating with you ever since we got here. I want to walk away from you, but I can't because there's nowhere I can run to. Come on, Damon, just be honest with me. Tell me the truth like you told me about your uncle and his pregnant wife. Like how you showed me that you're a vampire. Just please tell me the truth.'

Throughout her speech, she stepped closer than he managed to realise, because now she's staring up at him, a little too close for comfort. She discomforts him further by taking his arm and placing it between them.

'Come on, Damon,' she says when he doesn't reply, 'I'm not going to spend the rest of my days feeling and wondering like this. If you don't want to tell me the truth, then fine, I'll take your blood. You've been insisting anyway, so I'll take it.'

At the mention of his blood, he reflexively pulls his arm out of her grasp back to him, leaving her with a somewhat hurt look. He didn't mean to pull his arm back, it just happened, however...

'Forget it, Bonnie,' Caroline's voice cuts through his thoughts. From the corner of his eye, he sees her coming to stand with them. 'He just learnt something about Elena, there's no way he'll talk to you. I told you, he revolves around Elena, so let's just go.'

He begrudgingly looks at Caroline, wanting nothing more than to swallow her up in one gobble, so that she never again shares her thoughts and stupid information with Bonnie again. That's how he sees Caroline start to tug Bonnie on the arm, silently urging Bonnie to go with her.

He then takes one long look at Bonnie's broken face, and he doesn't need to hear her give him an ultimatum, because it's all on her face. She may not be refusing to keep the necklace, but if he walks away without entertaining her, he'll regret it big time. Something in his heart tells him that if he turns his back on her and leaves to see Elena about her returned memories rather than tell her what she wants to know, he'll lose her in his life. Forever.

'You're crawling under my skin, pest,' he growls, pushing Caroline out of his way as he lifts Bonnie as though she was his bride, into his arms.

'And you're coming with me,' he says to a startled Bonnie before whisking off with her.

* * *

Chapter 17, **Vindicated.**


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17, **Vindicated.**

* * *

She's never experienced this side of Damon's vampire speed before. She's done quite a few things with him concerning his vampirism, but she's never held onto him and travelled with him like this. At any other time, she would've been interested to take in the exhilaration and feel the adrenaline rush through her, from the experience. Only, even with everything around her moving so fast, that all she's seeing are blurs on the side, inside her, her mind is too occupied to pay attention to anything else.

She can't say if it's the way that he's holding her, or if it's the way that she's holding back onto him, but something about being in his arms, somewhat like a bride, makes her feel vulnerable and easily dependent on him. Held in his arms the way that she is, Bonnie mostly feels like a damsel in distress from a movie, being carried off to safety, away from an uncertain and dangerous place by the movie hero, to somewhere where only the two of them would be.

She doesn't like to think of herself as a damsel, however, she would be deceiving herself if she tried to deny that the prospect doesn't make her feel good inside. The prospect of being alone with him, that is.

Maybe there's something wrong with her. Maybe she's got too much of him inside of her. Maybe she's out of her mind. Or maybe she just has inappropriate feelings for him, that she doesn't want to give over to reason, but whatever it is, she can't imagine the thought of Damon not being part of her life. It's the reason why she keeps pulling back to him, trying to find a way that she fits into his life here back home, like she did when it was just the two of them in 1994.

1994… Why can't things just be like they were then?

She didn't feel needy then. She didn't feel like she had to compete for Damon's attention. She didn't feel the need to be reassured that she's an important part of his life, because he _showed_ her that she is. But ever since they got here, it's just been ups and downs with him, which constantly make her feel like she needs to hear him say certain things to her. It's only been two days so far, but those two days are enough for her to know that she can't continue to feel like this. She just _can't_.

'Stop,' she suddenly says to him, not all too sure that he can hear her.

Instantly, she feels everything come to a standstill. Apparently, he heard her, and she's almost a little touched by how easily he did what she asked, without taking a second to think about it. In the next second, she feels her feet lightly touch the ground, just as his arms unwind from around her, although, he doesn't step away from her.

She likes that, she thinks with relief, she likes that he didn't distance himself by taking a step backwards. As much as she likes the idea of being alone with him again, she also needs to be assured of his closeness. She doesn't know, she just needs this. After all the things Caroline said to her, she needs him to remain close to her.

'So you want the truth?' he begins, using a tone that suggests that he finds it a burden.

'Yeah,' she answers with a small nod.

She could redirect her eyes to look around them, to see where exactly they are, but she prefers to keep her eyes fixed on him. Where they are, wouldn't have made a difference anyway. Even if they'd spoken in front of Caroline, she would've shut everything out to focus on him, because he's the one that she's interested in listening to, nothing else.

'And…' he starts like he's testing the word, 'what if it makes you hate me?'

'I just want the truth,' she evenly answers without thinking first.

Only after she's answered, does she realise what he just asked her, but then he doesn't allow her the time to think about it, because he speaks.

'You said that, but I'm asking what if it's not everything that you want to hear?'

Back in 1994, there'd been times when the things that come out of Damon's mouth, didn't match the emotions in his eyes. In those times, she could always rely on his eyes to tell her what he wasn't saying. However, in this case, right now, his eyes don't tell her more than his words.

If she has to put a name to what she's seeing in Damon's eyes, she wouldn't exactly say that they are empty, neither would she be able to say that they hold emotion. It's something she's never seen on him before, and it makes her feel like a light between them is starting to diminish.

What's the worst that he could tell her, she wonders, what is the one thing that he could reveal that will make her change her mind about him?

'Is the truth ever what we want it to be?' she returns.

To that, Damon shows her a slow nod before taking a long step back from her.

'I can't lose you, Bonnie,' comes from him like it hurts even to say. 'If I tell you the truth, there's _every chance_ that you'll never want to see me again. I told you before, you don't know me, and that I'm different with you…'

Instead of his eyes remaining on her face, they shift to look out in the distance over her shoulder. If she had to guess, she would say that he's mentally starting to prepare himself for the worst, and his uncommunicative eyes suddenly fall into place for her.

'…I said it because it's true,' he continues, 'and I'm worried that if I tell you the truth, you'll hate me for lying and you won't be my friend anymore. But you're the best friend I've ever had, Bennett, and I'd rather keep you.'

She swears, there's something about Damon that's hard to resist, hard to not give in to. It's like he has a special power over her, that makes her understanding towards him. Without consciously deciding to, she crosses the distance between them to bring them close again. As they stand, she can't imagine not having him in her life. 1994 probably ruined her, because the idea of losing him, is something like torture to her mind.

Really, how bad is the truth that it'll make her hate him? The way she feels about him, the way she has freedom with him, the way she can experiment and unleash a bit of wildness without judgement from him, the way she can just see him smile and feel like the world is perfect just the way it is… What could be so bad that will make all of that disappear into nothing?

'I'd rather keep you too,' she lets him know from the deepest of her heart.

Returning his eyes to her, to look down at her, he throatily says, 'Then _don't_ ask me for the truth, Bon. Let's just be you and me. _Let's just be as we are_.'

She'd love _that_ probably more than even _he_ would, but the truth is that they aren't who they were in 1994. If they were in 1994, she would easily be letting things happen as they happen without question, except, here there are a mountain of people that are getting in the way, and not having her memories is making it worse. Without her memories, she can't make any definite claim to Damon's friendship to anyone. And for that, she can't let them be as they are.

'I need to know, Damon,' she softly says, hating that she's pushing for something that he's not comfortable with.

He has to understand that it's not necessarily that she wants to change things between them, it's that she wants to know, and have that assurance within her, so that she can defend their relationship. She needs to know where she stands with him. She needs to be vindicated of all uncertainty concerning him.

'You're killing me, Bon,' he whines, rubbing his hand over his forehead.

'Damon, you're _important_ to me,' she tries to assure him. 'Whatever you have to say, won't make me change how I feel. Just tell me the truth.'

At least, she feels like nothing will make her change how she feels about him, she thinks while she looks at him, and he looks back at her. It doesn't seem likely that her feelings for him will change just because she knows the truth, whatever that is.

After a few seconds, he finally let's out a defeated, 'Okay, what do you want to know?'

It's funny, she realises when she hears him answer, of all the things that she should want to ask him, of all the things that should matter to her, even that Kai person, at the moment, she's mostly only interested in one thing. One subject.

'Elena,' she says quietly, a little timid to even bring it up.

Her other best friend. His girlfriend apparently. That's what she wants to know the truth about right now. There's a feeling deep inside her, telling her that Elena is somehow connected to everything that's been going wrong ever since they came. Actually, now that she thinks back to when he first rejected her in the garden, it was because someone told him about Elena. Elena just seems like the common factor between everything that's not in place between them.

'Elena,' he repeats with a sigh.

She can't make out what he means with the sigh, neither can she decide if it's a good or bad thing, she can only hope that he gives her the entire truth about Elena. He owes it to her to tell her the truth.

'Remember how I told you about Katherine?' he tentatively starts, not waiting for her answer to continue with, 'Elena looks exactly like her.'

Katherine? The same Katherine that broke his heart and made him wish that he was never alive? The same Katherine that created bad blood between him and his brother? Elena looks like _that_ Katherine?

She almost wants to ask how he didn't fly in the other direction the moment that he met Elena and found that she looked like the woman that broke his heart, but then she remembers how much he said he'd loved Katherine, how deeply his love had run for her, and she decides to not ask. Clearly, at that point he hadn't been over Katherine yet, otherwise he wouldn't have willingly met Elena.

'But it's different with Elena, right?' she wants to know. 'It's not like with Katherine?'

Even as she asks, she already knows that somehow, somewhere, his answer won't be a gleaming yes right off the bat. She remembers how the first time that he told about loving his girlfriend, she could tell that they didn't exactly have a normally functioning relationship, and it didn't help when he didn't deny it either. It's just strange, though, to think of Elena hurting Damon…

'Sometimes,' he says through a soft sound of laughter, 'I wonder if it really is…'

Puzzled, she angles her head to her right to try to understand him. It doesn't fit together for her, how he could talk about someone that he loves in that way… like somehow, he questions their relationship. Why is he with her, then? She loves Elena, but if Elena isn't making him happy, or at least if she takes away from some of his happiness, then why does he stay with her?

'What?' he wants to know, eyeing her curiously in.

'What?' she returns, confused as to what he means.

'Why are you looking at me like that?'

He looks suspicious, like what he's seeing and what he's expecting her to say are not the same thing. It's as if he knows exactly that what she's thinking and what she'll choose to say to him, will not be the same thing. Nonetheless, she won't cave to the indication that he knows her, she'll say what she wants to say, not what she's really thinking.

'Because you lied to me,' she says straight to his face.

She's really looking at him like that, because she can't understand why he thinks Elena is good for him; she clearly hurts him more than she doesn't. Even now, when she apparently got rid of her memories of him… who does that to the person they love? Why does he put up with that?

'You chose to lie to me about Elena,' she continues, folding her arms in the process. 'You knew how important it was for me to not share you with Elena for a change, but you chose to lie anyway. Did you think I would've hated you if you said that she was your girlfriend?'

Of course, she loved the idea that for once, Elena wasn't preferred over her, but had he told her the truth, especially since he met Elena first, she would've understood. She wouldn't have held it against her, because after it all, he didn't complain about being in 1994 with her when he could've been with Elena.

'Exactly,' he cries passionately, taking a step back again. 'I know how special it felt for you to not have shared me with Elena. I didn't want to have to grab that away from you. It didn't feel right, especially without your memories.'

It's the way he brings passion into his words that makes her understand his reasoning. It's essentially not right, but she understands how that drove him to keep Elena from her. Still, though, despite seeing how he reasoned, she doesn't agree with what he did.

'I'm not even jealous of the two of you,' she says like she's tired. 'I just wanted you to have told me the truth. Do you know how much it sucked to have Caroline laugh in my face when I told you that you were my best friend?'

She swears, the way Caroline presented things to her… the way she felt hearing certain things from Caroline…

' _She_ made me _feel_ like I don't stand a chance against Elena, and you know what, Damon?' she desperately cries, a difference from how tired she sounded a second ago. 'Nothing has ever burned more than feeling like I'm invested in something that doesn't matter to you.'

If she could demonstrate to him all the ways that pins seemed to stick in her when Caroline made it clear that he would forget about her in an instant for Elena, she would, just so that he can understand what it did to her to hear that. He can't possibly begin to understand the anguish of not being able to refuse what Caroline said to her, because she didn't have the means to. When she took everything into consideration, all of his inconsistent behavior, she came up short on even a defense, and so she just sat there and endured the pins without protest.

This time, she's the one who takes a step back to reel herself back in. Maybe she's going too far…

Apparently annoyed, Damon makes a sound, following it with, 'Your friend has a bad habit of messing things up. She doesn't like me, and she doesn't know me either, but _you do_ , so don't listen to her.'

He says that with so much certainty, but he's not the one on this side of life. He's not the one who feels like she does, so of course it would be easy to tell her that.

'How can I not listen to her when you're here and then there?' she wants to know, searching his eyes even from the distance that she's standing. 'I'd rather you tell me, but you're just…'

He's undecided. He's just so undecided. He says that he needs her and then he goes and does something that proves the exact opposite. Maybe he can live like that, but she can't. She can't live in indecision.

'I want you to make up your mind,' she sighs, 'but you can't obviously so at the very least, just tell me the truth and I'll decide from there.'

If it sounds like an ultimatum, that's not how she means for it to be. All that she wants, is to be freed from the agony of fluctuating doubts and assurances. Nobody should have to live like that.

'Okay,' he nods, starting to draw the sleeve of his jacket back.

Just as she's starting to wonder what's going on in his mind, he moves to her and then lifts his forearm between them.

'Elena aside,' softly leaves his mouth, almost as though he's not proud to say it, 'I'm a messed up guy. I attract negativity and maybe it's a curse, but I've done things that I'd rather not have to tell you. I don't want to tell you about Elena either, because that's all I did before you lost your memories.'

For a moment, he brings his wrist to his mouth, but before he bites into, he stares into her eyes with the most apologetic look that she's ever seen him wear.

'I can't be the one to shatter your hallowed perception of me,' he tells her. 'You think I'm this person that's… and when you think that, I believe it…' he pauses for a second to catch himself, and then evenly finish with, 'Anyway here, here's your chance to know the truth.'

As soon as the last word leaves his mouth, he digs his teeth into his wrist, immediately offering it to her. At first, she only looks at the open wound on his wrist. Then she looks up at him for a second before returning her eyes to the now closing wound.

There are two reasons that she didn't want to take his blood in the past. The first, is that she wanted to remember on her own, to slowly fall into her memories at her pace. But the second, the second reason is more selfish, and the problem is, if she takes his blood now…

Her eyes travel back to his face as her mind tries to come to a conclusion.

If she takes his blood now, there's the possibility of getting all of her memories back in an instant. But even if that doesn't happen, she's confident that she'll get full use of her magic back, and the she'll be able to do a memory spell on herself. Whoever she used to be before the loss of her memories and all that time alone with Damon, will come back to her and then she'll never get the chance to know…

Impulsively deciding it on the spot –she'll deal with the consequences later-, she takes his offered forearm with one hand and moves to wrap her other arm around his neck, instinctively lifting herself to stand on her toes. She leans into him to plant a kiss on his lips, just like he did to her last night. Unlike him, however, when the first contact of their lips doesn't do anything for her, she decides to take it further.

Gently, hoping not to scare him to tear away from her, but she uses her lips to separate his to make her kiss count for something. Softly, with feather delicacy, she begins to suck and nibble on his unmoving lips and that's when she feels the rowdiest of butterflies rise in her stomach, making her draw back at once.

Wow, she didn't expect that, comes to her mind as soon as she pulls away from him. It must be a warning from her nerves. She wonders if she should apologise to him for doing that, but shame overtakes her and she brings his wrist to her mouth to avoid facing what she did. Only, she finds the skin closed. Reluctantly, she looks up at him, keeping his wrist on her lips.

His waiting eyes meet hers, and the unnerving thing about his eyes, is that they are suddenly heavily clouded. It sends frizzy shivers all over her. She lowers his forearm as her heart begins to increase its pace. He shouldn't look at her like that.

'Damon…'

Instead of answering her, he starts leaning his face down to her. It falls into place for her that he wants to kiss her back, and in a panic, she quickly brings his wrist back between them.

'I need you to open that,' she hastily says.

Although he frowns, clearly showing his displeasure, he bites into his wrist again. This time around she doesn't waste time in pulling his wrist to his mouth and drawing in the longest take of blood that she can. The moment that she swallows it down her throat, she feels her legs weaken and her body begins to feel heavy. She doesn't even realise that she began falling until she feels both of Damon's arms around her.

'I've got you,' he tells her, and she's just able to make out that he's lowering them to the ground.

Oddly, she doesn't care about whether or not she's standing, she only needs to have more of Damon's blood. With her eyes closed, she blindly searches for his arm and when she finds it, she weakly brings his wrist to her lips, parting them for more of his blood. She didn't even notice that she let go of his arm when she began falling. When she feels him try to tug his wrist away, but she protests in a weak tone, pushing her head further into him and then begins to suck on his wrist for his blood.

'I need to break the skin for you, Bonnie,' he gently says to her. 'You need to let go.'

Oh, she weakly thinks. No wonder she can't draw any blood from him. She doesn't want to, she really doesn't want to let go, but what he said makes sense, so she lets go. Not long after, Damon brings his wrist back to her mouth and she begins to suckle again, vaguely aware of him saying something to her. For now, she's only interested in having his blood. Her body needs his blood, so she sucks in as much of his blood as she can until and she's had her fill, a searing blinding pain forcefully hits her head, making her drop his arm as though life just left her.

The pain that she feels… oh, she must be dying… She would like to call out for Damon to help her, but she can't. The truth is, she can't even feel what's going on around her, or with her, she can only feel the pain in her head, which is far too much to even allow her to groan out from it.

'Oh, Bonnie,' she hears a familiar voice say from a distance, 'what have you done?'

It's Grams, she barely manages to think. That's Grams' voice, and it sounds as sympathetic as it does reproachful. But wait, didn't Damon tell her that Grams is dead? If she can hear Grams, then what, she's dead?

* * *

Chapter 18, **View From Heaven.**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18, **View From Heaven.**

* * *

She may not be exactly all too aware right now, seeing as she just collapsed, but as far as she knows, her Grams is dead. Damon told her that much, and she would like to believe that he has no reason to lie to her about that. Which is why her mind is telling her that if she can hear and see Grams here and now, then it can only mean...

The thing is, though, she can't really be dead, can she? She doesn't even really _feel_ dead, however that should feel like, so...

No, really, she can't be dead, can she? It's that there's just so much that she doesn't know, and she can't die like that. Not before...

 _Damon_ , her mind says to her.

Thinking of him, she looks on either side of her to look for him, but she doesn't find him anywhere. It's exactly as stinging as she imagined it would be, to not find him anywhere. When she remembers all that just happened between them, it's like a shade of betrayal to her, that he's not here with her. She would've liked, and she needs for him to be here, to help her navigate through all of this. Maybe because of her lost memories, she feels the slightest bit vulnerable for being here alone without him.

As stung as she is to realise that he's not with her, though, she tries not to let it show. After all, that, in front of her, is her grandmother, and she doesn't want to alarm her grandmother for a seemingly silly reason. But still, she can't get rid of the thought that Damon's the only firm person that she has, that she _wants_ to have, that it would've helped something to have him here. Even just standing next her, not even holding her hand, would've been something to appreciate and draw strength from... But he's not here, her Grams is.

'Grams?' she softly calls for the familiar woman in front of her.

'It's me,' Grams answers with a small sympathetic looking smile.

It looks like Grams, and it even sounds like her, however, Bonnie has to know if it's _really_ her. After all, the four years that she's missing in her memories, could be important for how her Grams evolved as a person. And being a witch, anything is possible...

'Really?'

'Who do I look like, Baby?' Grams wonders, sounding a little bit amused at question.

Of course, she looks like Grams and all that, but still. It's like she once said to Damon, having your memories lost, is having a part of your life lost. In this case, she wants to trust everything going on around her, but recent events have taught her to protect herself and her trust just a little bit before giving it out to anyone. It's a little sad that the sae has to apply to her Grams, but...

As of now, she has only one of two choices make. It may not be safest, but she feels like she has to trust this is her grandmother, otherwise, she will be stuck here for as long as she keeps questioning the things around her. And besides, it's only fair that she affords her Grams the same courtesy that she did, when she woke up to a smiling Damon. Back then, she didn't know who he was, but she still chose to accept his welcome.

'Grams,' she answers after letting out a short breath.

She'll admit that she can't decide if it's the slight amusement in her grandmother's tone, or the familiar expression on her face that causes it, that acts as a propeller, but something about her thought to let go of her reservations Grams standing there, looking at her like that and sounding like that, pushes her to run the distance to her Grams and crumble into her grandmother's arms.

She doesn't want to be dead, she thinks in her head, but if she is, at least there's her Grams to keep her stable enough and help her walk through death. If she is dead, that is.

It's strange, she clearly remembers falling to the ground, or something close to that, and in that way, getting a view of her Grams from the ground, but now, miraculously, she's standing on her feet, and is seeing her Grams from a vertical point of view. Because of that, Bonnie wonders if she should trust herself, and her eyes. Heck, if she should even trust her won being. Maybe Damon...

'Grams...' she sobs, tightening her arms around the woman.

'Oh, Baby,' is all her Grams replies with.

That, and a soothing rub down her back, which encourages Bonnie to breakdown even more. She shouldn't be feeling this vulnerable, but when she remembers all that happened with Damon just now; how she kissed him, how she felt a little betrayed, how she forced herself to stop waiting for him and take remembering into her own hands... All of that, it's all weighing down on her now, and in her grandmother's arms, she feels a security to be vulnerable to all of it.

And so she remains vulnerable while she holds on to her grandmother. She cries for everything that she didn't allow herself to cry for. All the recent events and just cry for her own lostness, and especially her thing, whatever it is, with Damon. By the time that she quietens down, she doesn't know how much time has passed, but she wholly glad that her Grams did nothing to interrupt her session. Otherwise, she wouldn't feel as minimally relieved somehow, as she does now that she's drawing away from her Grams' embrace. She wouldn't have the courage to start talking to her Grams either.

'Are you mad at me, Grams?' she wants to know.

Maybe, she should apologise for breaking down like that, for being openly vulnerable like that, for no apparent reason that her Grams would know about, but from what she remembers, she's never had to explain herself to her grandmother like that. At least, not concerning her emotions. Her rams has always taught her that it was healthy to let out what she feels, no matter if no one understood it it, otherwise it would eat her up from the inside.

Her Grams' immediate response, is to pull a frown before she asks, 'What do you mean?'

'You asked me what I did, like I made the biggest mistake of my life. Did I?'

Really, the way that Grams made it sound, it was like she couldn't have done anything worse than what she did. The problem is, Bonnie doesn't know what she did, that would make her Grams ask her something like that.

This time around, Grams only sighs for an answer. It's nothing close to reassuring for Bonnie. If anything, it starts to make her nervous that maybe, she did do something stupid, that will cost her something important in her life. And if that something is related to Damon, she can't even begin to...

'Grams,' she begs, with primarily Damon in mind, 'please tell me. What did I do wrong?'

'You did nothing wrong,' Grams tells her.

She wants to believe the woman, she really does, but when she takes into account how Grams hesitated to tell her, and just... With Damon on her mind, she can't help it feel sceptical to believe the words coming out of her grandmother's mouth.

'Then why did you ask that?' she begs to know.

'Because I've had a view from here, and well...' her grandmother says. 'Don't worry about it, Baby. This old woman is just a little sad that you've kicked her out of your life now.'

What? What does that mean? Does it have something to do with the memories that she doesn't have? And wait, if it does, does that mean that she deliberately did something that caused her to lose her memories? In that case, she should tell her Grams the truth, to let her know that even if it is her own fault that she lost her memories, she has no recollection of that fault.

'Grams...' she starts to confess, 'I don't have my memories.'

Grams slightly moves her head up and then drops it in a nod to answer, 'I know. But...'

At that last word, Bonnie feels her stomach drop just a little bit. How she wishes that her Grams would just tell her everything all at once, and get it over with. It's that she's such a mess inside, that she doesn't need any more twists and turns. She definitely doesn't need for her Grams to be disappointed in her, not when she's already feeling seven ways of lost.

'But what?'

'There's something you need to know, Baby,' her grandmother answers her.

'What is it, Grams?'

Her memories. In equal portions, she wants it to be and not be about her memories, whatever it is that Grams needs to tell her.

Back in 1994, she started off by wanting her memories back. It hadn't been an urgency then, because Damon made her feel like it didn't matter whether she had her memories or not. But then that want, gradually decreased, to a point where she just went with the flow and trusted Damon to be that stability that her absent memories weren't. When they got back here, however, things shifted too much, that she started being afraid of getting her memories back, for the fact that Damon became different. His priorities seemed to shift, and he just became someone that he hadn't been in 1994, and so she started changing her mind on getting her memories back.

Right now, she reasons that getting her memories back, could mean that she loses everything that she believes, while on the other hand, it could also mean reclaiming a part of her life back. And she really can't decide which one outweighs the other for her. She only knows for sure that she doesn't want to be dependently bound to Damon, and thus giving her all the reason to cling onto him for healthy survival.

'Bonnie,' Grams gets her attention back, 'this will be the last time that you see me.'

'What?' she's confused, 'Why?'

'Because I'm not responsible for you anymore, Baby,' the older woman begins to explain with a sad smile. 'I guess you could say that someone else took that role from me.'

'Who?' comes out of Bonnie's mouth automatically.

'Damon Salvatore,' Grams tells her.

Her Damon, Damon? That Damon?

'Damon?'

'Salvatore, yes,' Grams nods. 'That's what I said.'

'I don't understand,' she decides to confess.

Anything. She doesn't understand anything at all right now, because their conversation has been going up and down with no solidity. She still doesn't know if she did something wrong to make her Grams disappointed with her, and now they are talking about Damon being responsible for her? What does that even mean?

After sighing, Grams takes Bonnie's hands in her own as if to prepare her for something big, 'I never would've guessed that you two would come to this,' her grandmother tells her firmly, 'but I have absolute trust that you're in good hands now.'

Shaking her head, Bonnie makes her thoughts known to her grandmother. 'I still don't understand, Grams. What do you mean that he's responsible for me now?'

'Well, where do I start?'

The beginning would be nice. That way, she won't miss anything, even the little things.

'How about how I lost my memories? Do you know why that happened?'

'Long before that,' Grams shakes her head, 'I specifically made sure that you would end up in the Prison World, because I knew that you needed to change. You needed to learn to stand up for yourself, because I wouldn't be there for you anymore. Baby, you've always done what other people want and that's kind of you, but if you don't take care of yourself, no one will.'

Wait, the Prison World? So, wait Grams sent them there? She and Damon? For what?

'You sent me there to toughen me up?'

'No,' Grams denies. 'I sent you there to draw out your full potential. I admit, that Kai and losing your memories was not a part of my plan, but I think that worked out well for you.'

Okay, here's what she knows so far; she lost her memories, and Damon is the only person who seems to know all of the truth, but will not tell her. The Prison World, 1994, had been a good time for her, and she's genuinely sore that they had to abruptly leave like that, but for Grams to say that the Prison World worked out well for her, isn't exactly something that she can agree with.

'Grams...' she tries to start arguing by shaking her head. 'That's not-'

'It is,' her grandmother promptly cuts her off. 'Baby, you have Damon now, and he's responsible for you. I just know that you couldn't be in better hands.'

She wants to trust that, she wants to be so happy at the thought of Damon being responsible for her, whatever that really means, but there's just something different about this Damon here, that she can't help it feel like she's being burdened by having him as the responsible one for her. Also, she's not a child that anyone can have custody of, and be responsible for. Even without her memories, whether important or not, she's still able to look after herself and be responsible for herself, she doesn't necessarily need someone to be responsible for her.

'I really don't understand, Grams. Just explain it to me.'

'Better than that,' Grams smiles gently, grasping her hand a little bit tighter. 'I'll show you,' Grams says.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

She doesn't know how she feels. No, actually, she does know how she feels, but...

She just doesn't know if it's right for her to feel this way. The evidence was very clear in the images that Grams showed her; she clearly saw how she didn't want to return home, and neither did Damon. She saw how Kai had been perfectly right to say that they were using Miss Cuddles as an excuse, and when she saw Damon crying out for her so deeply. And when he saw him feed her his blood, bringing her back from the last step to death... Sighing, she doesn't know how to feel about all that revelation. It's so important, so real that Damon should've told her.

'Why didn't he tell me about this?' she wonders more than asks her Grams.

'He has his reasons, I imagine,' Grams answers with a shrug. 'But what's important, is that he's responsible for you now, because you're grafted in him.'

'Grams,' she whines, 'say something that I understand.'

Right now, she's really anxious along with emotions that she can't name. And, she feels like it wouldn't be appropriate to have all of her feelings displayed here in front of her grandmother, because she would really like to 'feel' in front of Damon. She can't believe that he kept something this important from her.

'It's like this,' her grandmother begins, 'sometimes, in agriculture, some plants can't live on their own, so they are attached to a bigger plant with a higher source of nutrition and well, life. The vulnerable plant, becomes dependent on the bigger plant for basic life, and that's what Damon did once you were close to dying. His blood saved you from dying, and so, you became linked to him.'

She can only really care about the fact that he kept that from her, but she still manages to ask, 'Like bonded?'

'No. Bonding is different. Grafting is something special, because essentially, you are linked to him, but you still remain your own person. Even if you take a guava plant and graft it into a lemon plant, the guava plant remains a guava plant. The two will only share a life force, but they will be individuals in their own beings. Do you understand what I'm saying, Baby?'

She guesses that she understands, Bonnie absently nods anyway.

Seeing her nod, Grams continues to tell her, 'You started the grafting process the first time that you took his blood, so this last time that you did, you completed it. With every drop of blood that you took from him, he was feeding you more and more of life, until it was complete. Until you had enough life to sustain yourself, but you're still his responsibility.'

'Grams...' she whispers.

She just has to know everything about this grafting thing, because what if it's a bad thing? For one very important thing, Damon has Elena as his girlfriend. Elena of all people, and obviously, he kept _that truth_ from her for a reason. And if that wasn't enough, Caroline told her that Damon would always choose Elena, no matter what happened between them in the Prison World.

Gosh, what has she done?

* * *

Chapter 19, **World On Fire.**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19, **World On Fire.**

* * *

More than he hates the fact that Caroline created this stupid, stupid space between him and Bonnie, more than he hates that Bonnie kissed him in the woods, and he did nothing about it, and more than he hates that he couldn't do anything to keep Bonnie from fainting, he hates that he's forced to bring her back here to his house. It's not necessarily that he hates the thought of her being here, it's that here, everyone and anyone has access to her. Caroline specifically, and even Kai, have access to this place, and in bringing her here, he's practically offering them exclusive tickets to come to see her, _and_ corrupt her away from him.

Damn it, he just hates this.

He really hates that he has to bring her here, but he really has no choice around it, because there's nowhere else to go. Not only is there nowhere else to go, he also doesn't want that when she wakes up, she does it in a place that she's not familiar with. Whatever heaven looks like, if there is a heaven, that same heaven forbid that his Bonnie wakes up to be further confused and lost, when he can do something to prevent it. For all he knows, she could wake up with even less of a memory than she did the last time, and the worst thing in that case, would be for her to find herself in a place that she doesn't recognise.

For her own piece of mind, and much more for his, he's brought her here to the boarding house, because more than anywhere else would be, this house is familiar to her, and at least in here, Stefan's able to look after her in the meantime.

'Stefan,' he calls as soon as he bursts in through the door. 'I need you to look after Bonnie for a while.'

It takes something close to ten seconds and him reaching the heart of their living room with Bonnie in his arms, for Stefan to make his appearance. Normally, taking note of his brother's arrival time, Damon would care to look at his brother and assess his brother's reaction to being commanded to do something, except, today, he is not in the mood. Plus, he has more important things to worry about than his brother's reaction.

'What?' Stefan asks in a tone, that paints a mental image of his expression inside Damon's head.

Really, Damon shakes his head, no matter how tempting it is to look at his brother's face and see that mental image drawn out in the flesh of his brother's face, he really doesn't have the time for that right now. At the moment, he has priorities, and none of those come even remotely close to being entertained by his brother's comically expressional reactions.

'I need you to look after Bonnie for a while,' he repeats in a firm tone, continuing to walk right past his brother.

'I heard you,' Stefan says to him, sounding just a step behind him, 'but why do _I_ have to do it? She has friends.'

He _knows_ that his brother's not really complaining in an elegant way, Damon feels himself come to an unwanted stop as the thought of cynical disbelief arises in his mind. The thought is so much like a provoking spark to a fire that he doesn't want kindled at the moment, that he sharply turns to face his brother. It would be the right thing better thing to do, to explain to his brother that his suggestion is not acceptable, but he doesn't want to let his brother know that he's not in good graces with any of Bonnie's friend's right now, neither does he trust them to be around Bonnie.

'You're my brother,' Damon reminds him, making it sound like that is a good enough reason.

'I know,' Stefan shrugs with a puzzled expression, to add, 'but Bonnie's not exactly on my top three list of friends, neither am I on hers. I just think that either Elena or Caroline would be better. Even Matt.'

Elena and Caroline, yeah, no, he doesn't think so. Either of those girls could potentially poison Bonnie against him. What with Elena only remembering him as a monster, and Caroline feeding her nonsense, she can't trust either one of those girls to not come between him and Bonnie. But of course, he's not in a state to confess all this to his brother, so he chooses to say something else as an answer.

'I trust _you_ , Stefan,' he stresses, his eyes staring into his brother's eyes. 'And besides,' he adds lightly, 'you don't have anything to do.'

Sighing as a sign that he's about to give in even though he doesn't think that it's the best thing, Stefan asks, 'What's wrong with her?'

'That's what I want to find out,' he tells his waiting brother. 'But I can't carry her around with me while I do. I trust you to look after her while I'm not here with her.'

'For how long?' Stefan sighs, showing that he's too defeated to argue anymore.

There's no way in the world that he'll leave Bonnie alone when she's like this, but there's also no sense in sitting around, waiting to see if she will come to, when there are a few witches (one in particular) in town that he can interrogate for answers concerning Bonnie.

'I just need a few answers, so I won't be long,' he answers, turning back to start walking towards his room again.

He might be long, depending on how far that witch will drag out their time together, however, Stefan doesn't need to know anything about that. If there is anything that Stefan needs to know, is that whoever else Damon can lose in the world, Bonnie, he'll never let that person be Bonnie. Not after everything.

'Assuming that she's not okay at the moment,' Stefan observes, following behind him, 'what if something happens to her? What am I supposed to do?'

Too suddenly, too rigidly, too triggered, and too without his conscious permission, his vampire face begins to take form as he shoots his face to Stefan. By the time that he's fully rotated to look at his brother, he's not even aware that he's fully transitioned into his vampire form, to warn his brother that he _shouldn't_ even go there; _not_ down _that_ road. _It's not even a joke_. He's been there. He's experienced that. And even now, with this, in the back of his mind, he's worried that something bad has finally happened to her, and it's majorly his fault. So really, Stefan _shouldn't_ go there.

'I'm just asking,' Stefan replies with held up hands to defend himself.

More than the malice that he doesn't detect in his brother's answer, it's the calm expression on his brother's face that does the trick of calming him down, and helping him go back to his outside appearance. In his heart, he knew that his brother didn't mean anything malicious by what he asked, but he just felt so attacked by the thought of something happening to Bonnie, that he got ready to attack back. He supposes that he should've recognised his brother and separated him from negativity accordingly, but oh well…

'Yeah, well,' he half growls, 'don't ask stupid questions!'

'Okay, I won't,' his brother resigns. 'And… I'll stay with her.'

'I appreciate that,' is Damon's immediately relieved answer. 'But, don't let that bubbly girlfriend of yours anyway _near_ Bonnie. I swear, I'll break something of hers if she even tries to get Bonnie out of here.'

'Caroline's not my girlfriend,' Stefan says.

His brother's girlfriend or not, he doesn't care. What he _does_ care about, is that she doesn't come even a long distance close to Bonnie. He means it with everything that he holds too dear to lose, everything literally in his arms right now, he doesn't want that girl near Bonnie.

'Whatever,' he dismisses his brother's denial, 'just make sure that she doesn't come anywhere near Bonnie. And that you don't leave Bonnie's side until she wakes up!'

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

He didn't think that it would be this easy to find that rat Kai, but here he is two steps away from Kai. The choice that he made to come back here to the coffee shop that got Bonnie in this current state in the first place, had been the right one, Damon congratulates himself just as he lunges for Kai, to land a hard punch on Kai's jaw. Either his aim had been perfectly precise, or Kai had been too relaxed, but the punch that catches his jaw, sends him flying backwards to hit the door behind him. As Kai forcefully presses against the door that he just came out of, the two coffee cups that had been in his hand, drop and spill across the floor at his feet.

Neither the fact that he's responsible for the lost cups of coffee, nor the fact that the people inside the coffee shop are most likely witnessing this assault outside, are important to him. However, for his own benefit, he quickly takes Kai by the lapels of his jacket and throws him all the way away from the coffee shop entrance. As Kai lands with his back first against the dirt of the ground, Damon makes a move to launch towards him, but before he can reach Kai, a strong force stops him from going further to attack. In his hot urgency to first of all pound Kai -as Kai's been deserving of it for the longest time- he didn't notice how even while on the ground, Kai pulled up his left hand, palm open towards Damon, to obviously put a solid barrier between them, until now.

Damn witch! He temporarily forgot that Kai has witch powers.

'Get that down!' he orders with a pointing finger, even knowing that if Kai has no intention of letting the barrier down, he just won't.

Slowly, Kai picks himself up and begins dusts himself off. He leisurely looks around here and there while he dusts himself off, that Damon starts wonder if he's stalling, or just putting on a show to further piss him off. He wouldn't put it Kai to do things solely to piss him off, and then laugh about it. Damn, he hates this rat! With everything.

'Kai!' he barks his final warning, which effectively gets Kai's full attention.

On the one hand, Damon could say that it's a good thing that his firm threat got across to Kai, for him to know that he's not playing around here, but on the other hand, witnessing the annoyingly charming smile that appears on Kai's face, he can't easily that getting Kai's attention will be more useful than irking.

'Only if you promise not to do that again,' Kai half sings, like he's talking to a naughty child.

Too impatient to do the opposite of what Kai is asking him to, and thus begin an annoying game of cat and mouse, Damon holds up both of his hands in surrender. The catch being that yes, he'll humour Kai, but not at the expense of bending to Kai's demands, which is why after showing Kai his hands, he crosses either middle finger over his index fingers in a cross, to make it clear to Kai that the words that are about to leave his mouth, should be considered ineffective.

'I promise,' Damon says, waving his crossed fingers, adding a cynical smile to the package.

Apparently, that makes a good amount of mirth burst from Kai in form of laughter, for a good minute, before he lets out a long, 'Aaah.'

'Are you done?' Damon asks, growing impatient.

'An honest lie,' Kai appreciates with a nod. 'I like that, Damon, and because I do, I'm going to do you a favour and let down my barrier.'

To match his words, Kai drops his hand, and Damon believing that the barrier is no longer between them, makes to move forward to be closer to Kai, finds himself blocked from going any further

'Whoops!' Kai cackles at him, his hand lifting again, 'I guess I lied. The barrier stays, Damon, because guess what, I _don't_ trust you.'

He's such a rat, that he should be killed and fed to the vultures as a sport! For him to play dirty like that… But never mind, he'll swallow that for now, because he doesn't have time for games or meaningless drama anyway. He came here to get answers for Bonnie's sake, and if a barrier will stand in his way while he does it, he'll take it. For Bonnie, he'll endure what he has to.

'Keep your barrier up,' he surrenders, 'but tell me why you did it?'

'Do what?' Kai pulls a questioning face. 'Put the barrier up? Get you out of the Prison World? Steal Bonnie's magic? Spy on the two of you for months? What, Damon? Why did I do what? Be specific.'

'You didn't get us out of there,' Damon shakes his head in denial.

Before he can specific to narrow his question down to what he wants to know, he won't allow Kai to take credit for something that he had nothing to do with. The only credit that he should get, is for being a stupid rat that did too many things to Bonnie, that no one should be allowed to get away with and live to remember them.

'I didn't?' Kai wonders, his tone all shades of cynical. 'Oh, I guess my sister Jo, found out all by herself where you were, and knew what to do all by herself.'

'So why did you get us out of there, if you left us there in the first place? When did you suddenly grow a heart?'

He still doesn't believe it for a second that Kai is being forthright, but in the small chance that he is, Damon needs to understand the reasoning behind his 'goodness.' He wouldn't believe it for a second that Kai would do something to benefit someone else, if it didn't help him out in the process.

'I have a heart, but… Tell me you're actually complaining about being out of that place,' Kai thoughtfully states. 'But then again, what am I asking? Of course you're complaining because I got you out of there. I mean, it's not like either of you wanted to leave anyway. That cheap Miss Cuddles excuse… Come on, man,' Kai ends with an eye roll.

No, Damon thinks, Kai's right, they didn't want to leave. They were happy there. He especially liked being with Bonnie over there. He liked that, she didn't give him flack for getting on her nerves, and he liked that she still showed up to breakfast every morning, even knowing that he would be making pancakes. He liked that she willingly kept following him around, knowing that his number one topic would be Elena this, and Elena that, in between teasing her, and getting on her nerves some more. And after that, when she lost her memories, and it was just the two of them, with no Elena to talk about, no other people to focus on but just the two of them, he loved the most. So, no, he didn't want to leave

'I didn't come here to talk about that with you,' Damon promptly changes the subject. 'I'm here because something's happened to Bonnie, so start talking to me about that.'

'Why do you automatically assume that I did something to her?'

Aggravated, mostly because Kai is making himself look and sound innocent, Damon bangs his palms on the barrier.

'You did something to her!' he yells. 'Just like you did something to her after you knocked me out in 1994! You did something to her now, just like you took her memories then!'

'I didn't take her memories,' Kai denies in disgust. 'I stole her magic. Magic and memories are not the same things, Damon.'

'Well,' he growls back, banging his hands on the barrier again, 'she doesn't remember me! She wiped all the years that she knew me, from her mind. And that's your fault!'

Acting suspiciously surprised, Kai asks, 'Bonnie too?' when he already knew this about her. 'She's not the only one who got rid of her memories of you, you know. See a pattern here, Damon?'

This damned rat Kai witch! Not only is he deflected from answering what he did to Bonnie and why he did it, he's starting to touch a touchy subject that no one should remind him of. If there wasn't a magical barrier between them, Kai would be choking right now. That's literally how he feels at being unwilling brought into a landmine subject.

'Don't…' Damon mutters his warning.

'FYI,' Kai is suddenly serious, 'I didn't take Bonnie's memories, I took her magic. Although, I don't know why it bothers you that she doesn't remember you. Isn't that like a clean slate for you? A chance to get into her good books, and write your story for her?'

He thought that he hated Kai before, only to realise at this very moment that he loathes the witch all the more, for pointing something out to him, that he's been battling with for a while. He cannot even try to lie to himself that the blissful prospect of having no tainted past in Bonnie's eyes, is not tempting, and yet on the other hand, it would be wrong to pretend with her, when he's never had to pretend with her. Creating his own story for her to know, would be a disservice on their relationship, and he knows that it's better not to risk that.

'Or wait,' Kai stares at him challengingly, 'would you rather I give them back to her? Because I _can_. You know, like I did with Elena.'

Elena's memories aside, that offer to have Bonnie's memories back through Kai, he'll reject. The rat spent months shamelessly creeping out on Bonnie, seeing her in vulnerable moments, and all that, which automatically disqualifies him from ever being allowed to be close to Bonnie again, not even for Bonnie's benefit.

'Damn it, Kai! Tell me why doesn't she have her memories?' he angrily insists. 'Tell me that! Tell me right now!'

It's amazing how he came here to find out why he messed up Bonnie twice now, bringing her close to death two times now, only to be dead set on finding out about her memories first.

'Why?' Kai laughs out. 'Is your pride wounded, Damon? Elena doesn't want you. Bonnie doesn't want to want you…'

Pushed by sudden violent anger, he shows his elongated canine teeth, he dares Kai to repeat what he just said.

'Say that again!' he threatens.

Even noticing how serious Damon is, Kai goes ahead and repeats the same act from before, beginning with a laugh, and then, 'Why? Is your pride wounded, Damon? Elena doesn't want you. Bonnie doesn't want to want you.'

With the barrier standing in his way, the only real thing that Damon can do, is growl at Kai with as much hatred as is seething inside him.

'What?' Kai asks through a smile, 'you made me say it. Sheesh! But since we're being honest with each other, I'll tell you why she doesn't have her memories, and that reason is you, Damon Salvatore.'

Enough of this! First Kai deflects, and then he accuses that neither Bonnie and Elena want him for any reason, which is why their memories left in the first place, and now he's accusing him of being the reason that Bonnie doesn't have her memories? The rubbish… Whatever Kai thinks that he's playing at, it's not going to work. There are things that he will begrudgingly accept as to having wronged Bonnie, but he did _nothing_ to her, that took her memories from her.

'I didn't do anything to her!' he barks to deny the lies.

Nonchalantly, Kai shrugs at his claim, 'True, you didn't do anything to her, except make her fall for you. You should know that it bothered her, so she wanted to forget all about it. She wanted to forget that she ever knew you, so yeah, when I stole her magic, she willingly surrendered her memories too. It's not her memories that she doesn't want to remember, dear Damon, it's you that she wants to forget that she loves.'

In his life, in his very long life, he's lived through moments where he felt like he was receiving way too much information for him to be able to process and file accordingly at once. This is not one of those times, because no way… There's absolutely no way that anything coming from Kai's mouth is anything other than a play to get him annoyed out of his mind, and then confused enough to do stupid things like he's used to reacting in overwhelming situations. There's just no way…

'That's not true,' he denies by shaking his head.

'Yeah,' Kai nods, 'I'm pretty sure that it is. But if you don't believe me, we could make a bet, and then you can ask her for yourself. Ask Bonnie how she really feels about you, even without her memories.'

There's just no way, he repeats in his head, but to Kai he says, 'You're a liar,' before he turns and starts to calmly walk away from the liar.

'You'll be back, Damon,' Kai calls after him. 'You have to.'

* * *

Chapter 20, **Write Your Story.**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20, **Write Your Story.**

* * *

When he left off walking from Kai, he had no particular destination in mind. He thought that it would be best if he simply let his legs carry him, while his mind focused on the happy things that mattered to him. The problem was, he found as he let his legs carry him, that thoughts of Bonnie wouldn't leave his mind. He ran away from Kai, and all the things that Kai was trying to fill in his mind, but he didn't leave his own mental conflicts about Bonnie behind.

Nonetheless, his legs did carry him as he allowed them to, and they surprisingly brought him here, to Alaric's house, where he finds himself staring at the closed front door, without knowing what to do. Does he feel like he needs a friend to talk to? Is that why his subconscious carried him here, to seek out Alaric and try to organise his mind? Does he somehow feel that restless, that he wants some company to make him feel a little restless?

Damn it!

This is starting to frustrate him, that he just wants to kick the door down! Damn it, he only wanted answers from Kai! He only wanted to know what's really going on with Bonnie, and what Kai did to her, so that he could find a way to help her through it, but instead... He didn't want to... He just didn't want to find himself here, _like this_.

Damn it!

As he thought that, he didn't make it a must for him to watch and be attentive to where he was going, which is why he's surprised that he's apparently here at Alaric's house. The first thing that comes to mind, being here, is a small conversation that he had with his brother some days ago, about how Elena for the time being lives with Jo and Alaric, and maybe that's why he's here. Stefan explained it to him about them being Elena's support, and that being convenient for her –Alaric to take her to school in the mornings, and then Jo to bring her back from the hospitals in the evenings. Suddenly and abruptly cutting into his thoughts, though, before he can press his body into the door, it's violently pulled back, and there stands his girlfriend, beautiful and confused, in front of him.

'Elena…' longingly leaves his mouth.

It's as though his happiness just faded out of his head, to be replaced by an aching desperation, because heaven can ask him, and he would definitely confess how desperate he feels right now. He's seeing her right now, but hell, he needs her...

'Damon,' she gasps.

Does she have to act so afraid of him? It breaks his heart. Does she have to look at him as if she would rather not be seeing his face at all? It makes him want to hurt himself.

'Elena,' he tries to caress her name, 'please, I just need to talk to you.'

He wants more than just to talk to her. He wants to hold her, and kiss her, and make love with her. He wants the world with her in the centre of if. That's what he really wants, because he's feeling vulnerable right now. There's Bon- Coming from Kai messed him up, and he just needs to be in a situation that he can control and enjoy. Her eyes, her big beautiful eyes. Her innocent looking face. Her cheeks. Her lips. Her chin. Her everything. He wants her everything to dissolve him into nothing, to make him forget for a while. She looks absolutely perfect to him. Standing there, looking at him with that expression on her face, even though it's not in favour of him, she looks extremely perfect.

'Damon, I...'

'Can we just talk?' he asks.

For the love of blood, this is the actual first time that he's laying his eyes on her, ever since he found out that she got her memories back. He would've rushed to see her when he found out about her memories from Kai, if Bonnie hadn't fainted into his arms, and gave him another threatening scare. Because of Bonnie, he didn't get to see her, until now.

'Fine,' she curtly replies.

She then squeezes through the small space between the door and frame, to step out of the house, and then pull the door closed behind her. He appreciates that she's at least willing to do this for him. If he can't have her in her wholeness for now, he hopes to at least listen to the sound of her voice while they speak.

'Look, Damon,' she evenly starts, keeping her back against the door, 'before you say anything, I just need you to know that I _do_ have my memories back.'

Well, _that_ he knows, he thinks. If that's what was making her look nervous, then it's nothing to him. He already knows that she has her memories back. Except, what triggers him, is why she's standing here with him, like he is the enemy trying to destroy her, and not the man who loves her.

'And Elena?' he questions. 'What's keeping you from me?'

That part he doesn't get, it's so hard for him to comprehend, because were he in her shoes, he would've come running back to her the second that his memories returned. It's hard for him to try and think of a reason for her not coming after him, and that hurts.

'Tell me?' he continues. 'What did I do? Was it something I said? Why don't you want me?'

Bonnie wants him around, _all the time_ , but the girl of his dreams doesn't seem to want him. Does she have any idea how that makes him feel, that the girl he loves, couldn't be bothered to want him enough to be with him? Does she know?

'You didn't do anything,' Elena tells him, sounding as uncomfortable as she appears. 'It's not you, Damon, it's-'

'Let me guess,' he dryly cuts in, finishing with, 'it's _me_. We've been there Elena, we've done that.'

Out of the blue, for a moment, he finds himself thinking that he would like it so much for it to be incredibly easy to turn his back on her and walk away, to make her feel even a little of what waiting for her feels like, but then his eyes recognise that it's Elena, and she's right here with him. He can't just walk away from her.

'Just…' Elena sighs, closing her eyes as though the action requires that much effort. 'Damon,' she tries to reason, 'it's not that I don't love you, because I do. I feel my love for you every day-'

Cutting her off once again, he steps into her and scoops her into his arms and away from the support of the door. 'Then why aren't you with me? Why am I still waiting for you to want me?'

Gosh, she just admitted that she loves him, that she feels her love for him every day, so what's stopping her from being with him?

'When you died,' she gently explains, 'I just died with you, Damon. It felt like nothing I could explain, and I'm _so_ terrified of going through that again.'

'Are you serious right now, Elena?' he feels the muscles of his face contort. 'Is that even a real reason? You're terrified of losing me again?'

She has to be joking. That isn't even enough of a reason for him. If he were in her shoes, he would take the opportunity to be with her to the fullest, especially since he'd been without her all that time.

'That's my reason,' she says flatly. 'It may seem light to you, but there it is. I became a monster because of you. I'm studying to be a doctor, and at the first sign of my boyfriend's death, I'm taking drugs and hurting people? What kind of doctor _does_ that? I'm supposed to be a moral figure, telling kids not to do drugs and then help them get better. What happens if I let you in and you die again?'

He hears her dilemma, but is she really that afraid, that she is willing to repress her love for him? Does she really think that by doing that, her love for him will go away and then she'll have a breezy life?

'Come on, baby,' he attempts. 'Please don't do this to us. We love each other. You can't breathe without me, remember?'

For emphasis, he starts to rubs himself against her, making his nose sniff her neck. 'I've missed you so much, baby,' he seductively purrs. 'I miss the feel of your skin, and the taste of so much of you. I miss your smile, and your voice over the phone. Tell me that you don't miss me too, Elena.'

'I do,' she says breathlessly, 'but-'

She abruptly cuts off, because right when she was going to continue her protest, he bit down hard, right into the neck in her vein. It's a move that he learned during their time together, and yes, it never loses its affect.

'Damon,' she groans out his name, making her hands clutch him tightly.

He takes only a small sip of her blood, because he needs to make it clear what he wants from her. He's got her right where she needs to be, and knowing that she won't refuse him anything like this, he needs to get her back to him.

'Let me love you, Elena,' he offers, his lips still lightly pressed on her neck. 'Let yourself love me back.'

For an answer, she carefully wraps her arms around his neck, giving him the go ahead to whisk her away with love. And he would've done it, if he didn't spy Jo walking from one end to the other. All the Elena distraction that he has been indulging himself in, suddenly leaves him, because with seeing Jo, comes the memory of Kai. With the memory of Kai, comes the reminder of Bonnie, who he left behind at his home. Bonnie who he has to... Unintentionally, he pushes Elena out of Elena's arms, stepping to the side to have a better view of Jo, and she of him, when he calls for her.

'Jo, I need to talk to you.'

Although his call for her does make Jo stop, she gives him a strange look. He can only imagine that she's looking at him that way, because they are not exactly friends for him to want to talk to her, at this time of the night. He can't blame her for that, but he does need her to talk to him.

'Please,' he begs her, hoping that will be enough to get through to her.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

'What did Kai tell you?' he wants to know as soon as she is out through the door.

He had taken a few steps away from the door to accommodate her coming out of the house, but once she pulled the door closed behind her, he moved to stand directly in front of her. He would greet her first, in a normal circumstance, but this is urgent.

'Kai?' she asks as if she's puzzled by the use of the name. 'What did he tell _you?_ '

'That he sent you to get us in 1994,' he answers, setting up to ask her what she knows about 1994 and Bonnie's lost memories.

'He didn't send me there,' Jo shakes her head. 'He told me that he stole Bonnie's magic to escape from there. That was all. I did the rest on my own, because I felt a little responsible, I guess.'

Hearing that, Damon stares at her with renewed interest. How does she feel responsible, when she didn't even know about them going there in the first place? Unless she had been talking to Grams, and they set the whole thing up, just so Bonnie could lose her memories of him, to get him out of her life permanently... That wouldn't be a far-fetched explanation, he realises, so he decides to ask Jo about it.

'Did you do something?'

'Not to you and Bonnie,' she starts to explain, 'but I was part of the group that sent and trapped Kai there. I'm a doctor, Damon. I want to help people, not help hurt them. I'm not directly responsible for hurting Bonnie and you, but what my family did to Kai is part of why I did what I could, to rescue you two.'

This doctor mentality that they have going on between her and Elena, it needs to stop. He doesn't necessarily not care about it, but he really just doesn't care about it. He understands that it's a great motivation to help others, but...

'Since I'm getting married to Alaric, I couldn't ignore Alaric wanting his best man to be here either. Elena also wanted her best friend back, so I kind of had no choice.'

She finishes her explanation with a soft laugh, and strangely, maybe because they have no history together, or maybe because she has a connection to Kai, her laugh makes him feel like he can be a little vulnerable with her.

'I know I should thank you for getting us out of there, Jo...'

'You miss it,' she states like she knows him that well.

That's not really it, he thinks. He can't ever miss the reality of being stuck. What it is, is that he misses what it was like over there. He misses _how_ it was like over there. How it was just him and Bonnie, being stress free and developing a friendship before admiration and affection started to seep in somewhere between the solid layer of friendship.

That's what he misses.

He misses not living up to a reputation that everyone holds him to. He misses being himself, truly himself; soft to emotions and open to having a genuine undisguised relationship with another person. He misses spending time with her. He misses the freedom of just being, without worrying. He misses the boring daily routine that they'd fallen into.

But he can't really tell Jo that. Not without coming off as ungrateful, so he only looks at her, allowing her to believe what she will about him.

'Look,' Jo says when he doesn't speak, 'I don't know you much, but Alaric says that you love Elena with everything. Is that _still_ true?'

Still? He almost lets out a laugh at that. What in the hell is that supposed to mean? And forget that, he has no intention of talking about Elena with her! He wants their topic to be Bonnie, nothing else.

'I actually want to talk to you about Bonnie, not Elena,' he tells her shortly, to which Jo nods as though she understands him, and is urging him to go ahead with what he wants to say.

'When Kai knocked me out, he stole her magic, because I could protect her from him,' he tells her, feeling anger at the memory. 'By the time I came to, she was almost dead by the time I came to, and I had to give her my blood to save her. But when she-'

Interrupting him, Jo's face takes on a curious expression as she asks, 'What do you mean almost dead?'

'She almost didn't have a heartbeat,' he calmly explains, even though she should know what he means. 'I gave her my blood...'

Only for the sake of getting the full analysis, and all the answers from her, he narrates how he had to work on Bonnie's head to get the blood down her throat, followed by everything that he did, up until she finally woke up but couldn't remember him. He thought that would be a good place to stop, but then he remembers that the reason he's looking for answers in the first place, is because Bonnie is lying unconscious at his house, and he doesn't know what happened in the forest to trigger that, or how he can pull her from where she is.

'You gave her your blood in the forest too?' Jo wants to know.

A small contemplated nod comes from him, mostly because Jo made it sound like he did something wrong by giving Bonnie his blood a second time.

'Damon...' she says his name in such a dramatic way, before she finishes with, 'I think she's grafted in you.'

She _thinks_?

'Grafted?' his eyebrow raises.

'It's an ancient technique,' Jo tells him, 'and rare, but it's when um... It's when a witch saves another witch from death with their blood.'

'I'm not a witch,' he shuns the ignorance.

Jo does something resembling eye-rolling, she replies with, 'But your being a vampire _is_ the result of magic. In a way, you qualify as a passive witch, because of your magical properties. Your healing blood, for example.'

'Okay, okay,' he hurriedly accepts, blindly stepping closer to her. 'I get that part. Just tell me everything about this grafting.'

'Do you want me to start from where the technique came from?'

'No,' Damon pulls a face. Why would he care about that? 'Just tell me what it means for me and Bonnie.'

Really, that's all he's interested to know. He couldn't care less if a scorpion and tiger had a meeting, and then came up with the brilliant conclusion of this grafting thing, but he does want to know what it means for his and Bonnie's functioning. He's been on the Earth long enough to know that when techniques are ancient and have names that aren't used in everyday language, they mean business for the people involved. He knows that it's impossible, but he'd hate to think that he's somehow sired Bonnie to him.

'Is it like a sire bond?' he blurts out without meaning to.

'Well, to put it plainly, Damon, you are now solely responsible for Bonnie's existence.'

He'd been fearing being her sire, and having her in this uncomfortable place, but her existence? Just from the way Jo said it, he knows that it couldn't be a joke, but still, he needs to confirm it.

'Tell me you're joking,' he quietly whispers.

He knows what grafting is, at least in a scientific sense, and because he does, he just wants to hear the words, that he's really not responsible for something as precious as that girl's life. He can't be that. The idea of it, is starting to make his heart itch from the inside, and his body feel sticky with heat, which is impossible for a vampire like him, under normal circumstances.

'This isn't a joke,' she says with quiet urgency. 'You literally took Bonnie from death's hand. She was just crossing over from life to death, and while death had her, he hadn't carried her away yet. You took her before death could take her, and became her only connection to life. That's how she became yours to care for. That isn't something to joke about, and no offence Damon, but you and I are not that close, that I would joke with you like that.'

He tries to take in a breath, as he processes the words that come out of his mouth, 'She's _mine_?'

The idea of... Bonnie? Bonnie Bennett? _His_?

Bonnie is his to care for? That's what he gets for saving her? But why _him_? Why does he have to be the one with that responsibility? Since they've been back, he's hurt her more times that he has done in the past, and now suddenly, he's responsible for her? He kissed her on her birthday, and she kissed him in the forest, and that he still has to deal with. He made her cry. Gosh, he made her cry. He pushed her aside for Elena... And, and this is too much to know... Everything in his body is telling him to run right now, to get as far away from Jo as possible and not be forced to listen to the truth, but...

It's Bonnie, damn it.

It's _his freaking Bonnie_.

And the thought of her, does something to his heart... She needs him. He is what she has, and now, it's his job to make sure that she lives the best of her life?

'Bonnie's mine?' he asks again, this time looking straight into her eyes.

'Don't get carried away, Damon. It's not necessarily that she's suddenly become the most important person to you, and you completely forget your love for Elena, it's just that you're now her main feeding root. Apart from writing your own story, you'll also indirectly be writing hers. But if she was ever to feel like she doesn't need you anymore, even in the tiniest way, and she breaks off you, she dies.'

All of a sudden, he wants to strangle Jo. Does she even realise the magnitude of what she just said? It scares him to think that Bonnie could be dependent on him like that. What's worse, is that he's afraid that once she gets her memories back, she won't need him anymore. She won't need him for anything, and that scares him to death.

'Jo,' he warns, 'don't mess with my head!'

'I have no reason to,' she calmly replies. 'You can go to Bonnie, and wait for her wake up, and she'll tell you the same exact same thing that I told you.'

He still wants to strangle the woman, so very much, but he finds that Bonnie is the one who he needs to be with. The thought that she is now his, and he left his brother at her bedside, stirs an evil feeling of possession in him. He doesn't know what it is, where it comes from, and what it wants from him, all he knows is that Stefan _cannot_ be the first one who Bonnie opens her eyes to. No, not his perfect brother.

* * *

Chapter 21, **X Marks The Spot.**


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21, **X Marks The Spot.**

* * *

Someone is watching her.

Bonnie knows this before she opens her eyes. There's too much of that intuitive feeling within her, for there to be no one by her side once she opens her eyes. It's no surprise to her either, that someone is watching her, when she remembers him being the one to catch her when she collapsed. It makes good sense that he is here with her, watching over her, especially after what Grams revealed to her about him.

'Damon?' she softly calls as she prepares to open her eyes.

No response answers her call, but she doesn't allow that to worry her in the least. It may just be that she whispered his name so silently, that not even his vampire sense of sound could pick it up. It's with the help of that thought, that she slowly starts to open her eyes at the same time that she lifts her body up, gathering it into a sitting position, already prepared to meet Damon's presence once she's taken it all in.

She finds, however, that the eyes waiting for her searching stare, are not blue, but green. The face is different too. And so is the hair. The black of the hair that she expected to find, is now replaced by a dark blonde. Just as the expression of relief that she has been anticipating to look at, is replaced by a compassionate look of concern.

That's not Damon.

'Damon?' she asks this new face for the person that she wants.

'Stefan,' he politely tells her. 'I'm Damon's brother, remember?'

No, if he's going the memory route, she doesn't remember him. Anyway, she can clearly see that he's not Damon, she hadn't mistaken him for Damon.

'Where's Damon?'

The only reason that she's not looking around the room to see if he is somewhere in the room, waiting in the corner for her to call for him, is that she's curious about this Stefan. In a sense, she doesn't want to take her eyes off him, just so she can confirm that he's not Damon, and he's definitely not the one that she wanted to wake up to.

'He's not here,' Stefan answers her, leaning forwards in his seat.

Clearly Damon's not here, she thinks. To Stefan, though, she feels like it would be rude to just say that to him, which is why she alters her thoughts to think of a friendly question.

'Where is he?'

Shrugging, almost like he doesn't want to get involved, he answers with, 'He didn't say. He only told me to look after you, and to stay with you until you woke up.'

'We were in the forest…' she recalls more to herself than says to him.

'He brought you here.'

She would have guessed that much by herself, but hearing it produces a distinct difference in her. Being told that Damon brought her here, and also presented with the fact that he couldn't even stay by her side after he did, he instead found it better to assign the job to his brother, is the same thing as hearing that she doesn't mean as much to him, as where he is choosing to be.

If that is the case, it must be Elena then. It makes something inside her sink terribly, but really, the only reason that he would outsource his part in her recovery to his brother, is Elena. The very same Elena that he lied to her about, and the very one reason that she pushed Damon to give her his blood. He's obviously prioritising Elena at the moment, while clearly, she's not worth his attention as his best friend.

'Tell your brother that I went home,' she suddenly says to Stefan, following her words with the swift action of climbing out of bed.

If she didn't want to see it before, with all those tiny signs that showed themselves, she can't ignore this big tell now. If she was to do that, she'd only be staying in a situation that is going to keep hurting her.

'Woah!' Stefan seems to warn, more than he says, just as swiftly getting up from his seat, and holding out the palm of his hand.

It seems like he wants her to stop what she is doing, because upon his actions, however, she doesn't pay attention to him. He is not her, he doesn't know what she is feeling, so he cannot stop her from leaving.

'I don't think Damon would want to find you gone.'

Well, _she_ doesn't think that she likes finding him gone when he brought her here, so they'll be even; a dislike for a dislike. It's like he left her in a hospital, without a single thought of how she'd feel when she woke to not find him there. Really, if he'd been so set on not being here when she awoke, he should have taken her to another place, not his room.

'I don't want to be here,' she dryly tells Stefan, softly pushing past his blocking hand, to make it to the door.

'Bonnie, please…' he speedily makes it to block the door, preventing her from going through it. 'Damon told me to watch over you.'

From a place of irritated and hurt feelings for Damon, her impulses only want to tell Stefan that she's going home, and if Damon wants her, he can find her there, only, Stefan showed her more dedication than his brother has. For all she knows, he could have sat at her beside for longer than three hours. And much more, their relationship might not be at that level, and yet he chose not to abandon her side. She owes him consideration at least, so that the concerned expression on his face doesn't grow harder.

'Just wait twenty more minutes, Bonnie,' he softly pleads. 'If he doesn't show up then, I'll take you home myself.'

Intently, she looks at him, briefly wondering why he couldn't have been Damon. This whole thing would have been different and her feelings wouldn't be like this, if only Damon had stayed with her. Instead now, she is feeling compassion among not so nice feelings, and,wishing for body exchanges of brothers...

It's all Damon's fault.

'I'll stay, but only for twenty minutes.'

'Thank you,' he expresses with a relieved smile, and then gestures to the bed.

She decides, thanks to his smile and gentle way of trying to convince her, that because Stefan really has nothing to do with her current miffed feelings, it's more polite if she gives in, and goes back to the bed. Although she reluctantly climbs back onto it, she feels better about it when Stefan follows her onto the bed. Like she thought before, she doesn't know if their relationship is comfortable in that way, all she knows is that Stefan does not give off the air of a creeper. Of anything, he seems like the careful and methodological guy, more cautious than spontaneous.

'You don't have to babysit me, you know,' she offers him, turning her face to fully look at him.

'That would've been good to know five hours ago,' he says, leisurely stretching his legs out in front of him, as if to say that he is already too comfortable to move.

'Five hours, really?'

The revelation is as much a shock as it is heartwarming. Heartwarming, because Stefan is apparently a nice guy, and a shock, because Damon found it easy to be away from her for that long, when she clearly wasn't awake.

'Don't worry about that,' he shrugs it off. 'I want to know if you are okay.'

'Are _you_ okay?' she quickly returns.

In the first place, she really just doesn't want to get into the answer of her state with him. That answer involves his brother, and his brother is a subject that she doesn't want to talk about with him, when he is being the exact opposite of Stefan. Also, attached to the first reason, is the caution that after what Caroline said to her, she can't afford to be put in that place again, just for speaking about Damon. The second reason for her turning his question on him, _is_ actually Caroline. What she knows is that, Caroline has feelings for him, but it doesn't seem like he feels the same way about her. At least, not according to Caroline.

'Very clever strategy, Bonnie,' he says as if he knows exactly what she's up to. 'I'm not the one who passed out. In a forest, apparently, now that you've mentioned that.'

'I'm not talking about health, Stefan,' she chooses to ignore his first statement. 'I mean about Caroline.'

At the mention of the name Caroline, Stefan immediately looks away from her, and it's through that action, that she doesn't feel so alone at the moment anymore. His looking away, gives her a partner in him, especially reminding her that everyone has their little things to bear. Damon, Caroline and Stefan, all the people that she has spent time with so far, also have their min crosses to carry. It's only that the door suddenly bursts open, that she cannot get closer to Stefan.

As her head snaps to meet to intruder of a moment that was going to be, she also sees Stefan (from the corners of her eyes) rotate his head towards the door. Whether or not Stefan is surprised as she is by Damon's sudden appearance, she doesn't get to see, because all of her attention is only now focused on the urgent expression on Damon's face.

'Get out, Stefan!' he orders so harshly from the door, that Bonnie thinks of jumping out of the bed right to him, and ask him what is wrong.

'Oh, wow,' Stefan lazily draws out of his mouth, 'that's the thanks I get for doing what you asked me to do?'

'I didn't ask you to get in bed with her,' Damon answers, clearly showing his displeasure.

Putting his hands up in surrender, Stefan replies with, 'Fine, I'm going,' as he carefully moves away from her and then gets off the bed.

Quickly, Stefan gets himself to the door, where Damon steps out of the way, and only then does he turn back to speak to her.

'See you, Bonnie.'

'Thanks, Stefan,' she replies, meaning it for what he did for her.

After a small nod, Stefan disappears from her line of sight, Damon making it worse by firmly shutting the door after his brother.

'That was rude,' she tells him with crossed arms.

His immediate reply doesn't come in the form of words, rather, he moves to plant himself on the bed next to her, on the side that Stefan hadn't been. Only after doing that, after being as close to her as possible, does he say something to her.

'You're awake.'

'I am?' she sarcastically asks.

Narrowing his eyes to probably signal suspicion, and maybe incomprehension, he asks her, 'What's wrong, Bon?'

 _You weren't here_ , are the words that are ready to leave her mouth, but she holds her tongue at the last second. What more can she do and say, to look desperate and needy, than being in his bed and asking him to give her an explanation?

No, she will not be that person.

The person that she needs to be, is the one who knows where they go from here.

'Damon, just tell me the truth,' finally leaves her mouth.

She's not feeling clingy, nothing like that, in fact, but this has to stop. She can't go on being like this with him anymore. Especially not when she knows what she now knows about the new grafting thing between them. If she allows him to keep taking her up and down like he did that last few days, she'll most probably become a wreck, one that's dependant on him.

Yes, she has lived a good deal of days with him, and she likes to believe that she knows him, it's only that he hasn't been consistent since they got back, and she cannot be sure for how long that will carry on, if he doesn't talk to her about it.

'The truth?'

His defeated tone of asking would have been telling enough, without the new look on his face, a look of hopelessness, apologetic even, as though he is going to give her bad news.

She better prepare herself then, her mind responds to his reaction. Behind the now rapid beating that is the sound of her heart, and behind the stilling grip that is her fear, she has to put herself in order, to be ready to receive the words of separation between them.

'The truth,' she confirms, although, she does it in a tone that suggests just how much she doesn't want to recognise the word.

'I screwed up, Bon,' he whispers, casting his eyes away from her face. 'I _really_ screwed up.'

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

After opening her eyes and adjusting her risen upper body to the condition she's currently in –next to a sleeping Damon- she starts to think that she doesn't believe that there was anything wiser that she could've done for him, than allow him to lean into her and wallow in the belief that he screwed up. She could've tried to talk to him, she could've even tried to get him to tell her what he's blaming himself for, except, one look at him, had her knowing that she wouldn't be helping him that way. She let him be instead, telling herself that if he wanted to tell her more, he would do it.

She remembers nothing more than silence being between them, and her feeling like she would be breaking something fragile between them, if she said a single word. She also remembers feeling a small shift of her feelings, from fear of the end of their relationship as she had grown attached to it, to compassion and a need to heal him. After that, however, they must've fallen asleep together, because waking up, is the immediate memory following the previous in her head. Now, since Damon is sleeping, it wouldn't hurt to try and get herself together, for once he awakens.

Just what did he mean when he said that he messed up? What did he do while he was out? Should she worry about it? Is it something worse than she will be willing to accept from him? And will it mean the end of their relationship? Because if it's any or all of those, then she has to have a plan for herself for that point. She can't be caught off guard and unable to plan properly for her life, once her relationship with Damon dissolves.

Oh gosh, she can't believe that it's going to come to that.

Should she leave before he wakes up? Would that be wiser? Leaving before she is hurt seems like it would be a good idea; it will equip her with the power of control, unlike being taken surprise, where she can't hide.

 _Amsterdam_ , the memory softly floats to the front of her mind, revealing itself as the solution to her perceived problem-to-be. Caroline made her the offer to go to Amsterdam...

Maybe it would be better if she leaves now, she thinks while looking at him. Her mind is not in the place of making him feel what she felt when she awoke and he wasn't there, it is actually in the cautious state that the longer she keeps looking at his sleeping face, the harder it will be to leave when he is conscious.

But does she really, really want to leave?

No, she answers herself, not without a reason she doesn't.

For that reason, she quietly shifts her body, carefully moving it over his to get off the bed without waking him, and goes to stand at the window. After softly pulling the curtains apart, she turns off the room light, to give the outside lights a chance to lend a little illumination. She finds that just a little light streaming in through the window, is enough for her. She anyway doesn't need total brightness around her, to freely mock her in contrast of her state, currently lacking proper illumination. She instead needs to be sure of at least one thing in her life, and the next best thing –after her friendship with Damon- is her magic.

Closing her eyes, she concentrates on creating a comfortably warm bubble of magic around her, to keep her company and make her feel grounded, and her left hand, she stretches out to touch the clear glass in front of her. Something happens with her magic as her hand presses against the glass, because she all of a sudden feels like an arm just came around her, pulling her back into the solidness of a body.

'Hmm.'

That can't be right. Magic doesn't make sounds like that... And if her magic didn't expand itself beyond a comfortable bubble to embrace her, then it can only mean one thing.

'Damon?' she tests, hoping that she is not imagining him holding her.

'Hmm,' he responds.

Thank goodness, she internally relieves, while externally, she succumbs to the soothing sensation brought out of her by the evidence that he awoke, and the first thing he thought to do, was embrace her. In succumbing to him holding her, drawing her into him, she easily softens to including him into her comfortable bubble of magic. She uses the hand resting on the glass to help her summon her magic to include him into its range, only tweaking the effect of it, to surround them in an anchoring way.

'What did you do?' Damon whispers in wonder, winding his other arm around her as well.

'Magic,' is her amused answer, a soft smile breaking out on her face.

'It feels _good_.'

'Comforting,' she quietly agrees, keeping the smile on her face.

' _That_ ,' he states like there's no other word that he could've chosen better himself, and then nudges his head between her shoulder and neck.

She takes that movement from him, to mean that he is connected to her in the moment, and anything can be brought up between them. Strangely, it's not questions for explanations that she wants to bring up, more than just she wants them to have a normal conversation. It may be the work of the magic encasing them, but she is not objecting it either way.

'I saw Grams today,' she says to him, adjusting her head to accommodate his. 'Can I tell you about it?'

'I'm offended that you have to ask.'

The tone that the words come out through, is a true testament of how offended he really is, so she tries to turn her head to look at him directly. Him holding her and his head lodging close to hers, makes it impossible for her to have a visual of him, though, so she settles for speaking only.

'We weren't exactly on the best of terms in the forest before, remember?'

As though he is responding to her statement, Damon removes one of his arms from around her, and then uses it to rotate her on the spot, his head leaving its previous place along with the movement. Once she's face to face with him, he rightfully adjusts his arm to go around to her back, his other arm joining it, for both of his hands to join in the centre of the base of her back.

'You need to stop doing that, by the way,' he tells her, his tone dry like he's said that too many times, and that she knows exactly what he talking about.

Confused, because he doesn't appear to be joking, she asks, 'Stop doing what?'

'You need to stop scaring me like that,' he tells her seriously. 'You _can't_ keep doing that.'

What _is_ he talking about? She sincerely hope that agitated look hadn't been on his face before, because she clearly agreed that her magic inclusion felt comforting. Unless he's actually talking about bringing up the fact that they weren't on good terms in the forest, which wouldn't be something to make him appear as though he has the frightening taste of his heart in his mouth.

'What do I need to stop doing, Damon?'

'I'd go crazy if anything happened to you,' he says to her. 'You need to put _that_ in your head, so you remember to not do things like fainting again.'

'It wasn't on purpose,' she replies after reconciling it with her mind, that _that_ is his reason for him saying what he did. 'I just felt drained, that's all.'

'That's not all,' his head shakes. 'You should know it's not, Bon. I spoke to Kai, and then to Jo while you were unconscious. They told me some things...'

If he's fallen countenance is anything to go, then whatever Kai and Jo told him, must be the same as what Grams told her.

'I spoke to Grams too,' she says, that way reminding him that wants to discuss that with him.

Softly, too quietly actually, he responds with, 'You mentioned that.'

More than that confirmation, he doesn't say. It's just as disheartening as his previous quiet tone, which is why she keeps her eyes on him, positively waiting for him to ask her to tell him what Grams told her. It will be the one redeeming apology if he does that, because she had brought up the topic of Grams as subject over which they could talk and bond, but he apparently seems to be finding little ways out of that chance for them. As they look at each other, she's achingly waiting for him to show deep interest in this, but it doesn't look like he will give her what she wants, so she steers her thoughts away from a connection that she wants to them to have, to the plan that she'd been struggling to properly formulate.

'Anyway,' she decides to bring up, 'I've decided that I'm going to stay with Caroline for a while.'

His expression quickly changes to one clearly displaying his self-doubt, as if wondering if he just heard her correctly.

'Why are you going to stay with _her_?' he spews the last word out with disgust.

'Because I want to,' she shrugs. 'Because of her mom. Elena's not really around for her, and I don't want to do the same. We both need a friend in each other.'

There's Amsterdam too, but that's not important at the moment. For now, just telling him that she needs a friend in Caroline, and Caroline in her, should be telling enough.

'A friend?' he snorts, and yet his arms tighten around her. 'Did you forget what happened earlier today? How she upset you?'

'She told me the truth!' Bonnie cries.

'She practically told you to stay away from me,' he hotly reminds her, lowering his defences to add something else. 'And anyway, who's going to take care of you? Huh, Bon? While you're there?'

'What do you mean take care of me?'

'You don't have your memories.'

'So what?' she cries, attempting to push out of his hold, but he doesn't budge. 'I can't sympathise with Caroline, because my memories are gone?'

'That's not what I mean,' he softly argues. 'Bon, just... Don't go. Stay here with me.'

He's joking.

She can't believe him.

Her eyes frantically search his, jumping to his face when they find no hint of a joke in his eyes, only to find that his face doesn't give off the appearance of someone joking either. Despite the evidence, however, she can't help it believe that he _is_ joking.

He really wants her to stay with him, when he gets the strangest moments sporadically come over him? What will happen when Elena comes to see him, and his mood is changes? What will happen when he leaves her for seven hours at a time, not giving her anything about where he is, only to return and partially brush her aside?

'I can't stay with you,' she refuses him, but she's really denying herself the slight chance of buying his offer.

'You stayed with me before, it's nothing you haven't done before. In fact, you can't get enough of me,' he finishes by suggestively rising his eyebrows twice.

'Exactly!' she passionately bursts. 'You're _exactly_ why I want to leave, Damon! You can't see anything. You don't know anything!'

She's accusing him, and she wishes that he could pick that up, instead of just silently looking at her. He still doesn't understand apparently, and that's making her feel empty. His silence is making her feel like she has nothing to give him, when she's right here in front of him, a glaring letter X, making it very loud and clear that she's the spot, and yet he can't see her at all.

What is she doing? Why is she cooped up in a magical sphere with someone who can't see her, someone who can't be bothered to understand her? It's time for her to go. She can't stay here anymore.

'I'm going home,' she sadly announces, dissipating the magical bubble around them and forcefully removes herself from his hold at the same time.

'Bonnie, please don't go,' he quietly pleads. 'I'm all you have.'

But why does he have to sound so guilty about it? Why isn't he even doing anything to pull her back into him? Why is he stomping on her feelings?

'No, you're not!' she cries out. 'But even if you were, you're not here, Damon. You're not. You're with Elena, and-'

Without a warning, she cuts herself before she can say more. The, _You leave me, because I'm not a priority to you. I'm losing you, Damon and I'd rather leave before I do,_ part that she managed to stop from leaving her mouth, should remain her secret.

'And what, Bonnie?' he wants to know with a softened expression.

'And I just can't stay with you,' she instantly replies.

For a seemingly long moment after her answer, she attempts to search his eyes again, only for the attempt to be broken by the frantic action of being pulled into Damon. As she blinks once to catch herself up with what just happened, she feels an odd sensation dancing around the feel of her entire skin. It's not precisely a warm sensation, neither is it one of goosebumps. Rather, it's something in between surprise and welcome, as she realises that his hand is now softly holding the back of her neck, while the other is running down the side of her face in a caress.

'You _can_ stay with me, Bon,' he challenges her, but his voice is nothing but coaxing.

Next, he carefully lowers his head, like he is giving her time to see what his intention is, and while she understands that he is probably going to kiss her, her mind can't pull itself out of the lull of the sensation on her skin, to react. Even when he presses their bodies closer and his lips finally connect with his, she can't seem to fall into the moment with him. Her eyes remain open, and her body... Her body doesn't respond over the existing sensation dancing on her skin.

She registers pepper kisses along the whole width of her lips, small kisses that would otherwise be nothing of significance to consider, if wasn't for the shared intimacy of their physical closeness. It's odd to her how she understands what is going on, and yet her body's response to it, is completely lacking. Although she feels the meaningful softness of every planted kiss, and she registers how caressing the hand on her neck is, her mind can't seem to process that in the right way, which is why she gently pulls away from his lips, to look him in the eyes.

'What is this, Damon?' she hears herself asking, even though she didn't plan on it.

Only after asking that question, does she figure out why she couldn't get her body to catch up with what was being done to her. Initially, when he pulled her into him, she could accept the new position in Damon's arms as a surprise that she could respond to, but after that, she blocked her mind from understanding his behaviour. His behaviour, she accepted as happening, except, the motive for it, she couldn't understand. It so contradicted the end result that she had constructed in her head for them, that she couldn't immediately get past not understanding it. Maybe hearing his answer will give her a reason to understand.

The softest sound (and she'd give her life to confirm this) of both of his hand travelling from their respective places on her, to jointly tilt her head up from her chin, is the breaking difference that inclines her mind to his behaviour's favour. With her head of tilted up, she has another angle of his eyes, where she can see into them quite clearly from the bottom, to the top.

'Isn't _this_ what you want from me?' his curious whisper reaches her ears.

 _It is_ , her heart immediately answers, carefully avoiding to consider that he could just be doing this to keep her from going to live with Caroline, or worse, using her to get back at Elena for not wanting him. Her heart carefully avoids to think of those things, because it has the fear that somewhere, maybe tomorrow morning, or next week, they will part ways, and she never would've known how it feels to have more than friendship intimacy with Damon.

'Damon,' she starts with his name instead of giving him the straight answer that he asked for, 'if you hurt me...'

She's not necessarily giving him permission to kiss her, she's only warning him that he can't play with her. He's hurt her a lot more than not, since they have been back, and if he's going to feed her feelings for him with kisses that seem intentionally real, only to discover that he was just caught up in the moment, he'll be hurting her more than ever.

'I promise not to,' he jumps to assure her. 'I promise to be everything that you need from now on, Bonnie.'

With a little scepticism, she eyes him thinking that everything that she needs from him, is only his sincerity and consideration. His feelings, are seriously only a want on her part. She doesn't _need_ him to feel something for her, because she can survive without being with him. However, what she won't survive, is finding out that he's kept one more thing from her, one more thing that she has to hear about from someone else.

'Damon...' she gently warns him one last time, giving him the opportunity to back out, but he doesn't take it.

'Trust me, Bonnie,' is rather how he chooses to answer her.

* * *

Chapter 22, **X And Y.**


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22, **X And Y.**

* * *

As much as she's able to muster to her memory in her state of half-sleep, last night had been a good night for her. Not necessarily the best, but it was better than what she had grown used to since coming back, so that made it a good night.

She had that small talk with Damon, which, by the way, almost made her give herself away. Then she chose her own room to sleep in, and she then she fell asleep easily. Because last night had been a good night for her, and she's had possibly the best night of sleep ever, she doesn't mind so much that there's something insistently poking her and calling for her attention. She doesn't mind it happening, but that doesn't wholly mean that she appreciates whatever Damon is trying to achieve by poking her.

'What?' she begrudgingly asks, her tone still rightfully laced with sleep.

The nicer thing to have done, would've been to wait until she woke up, instead of doing this. Damon can be such a bother sometimes.

'Wake up!' a loud screech of a command reaches her ears.

It's not Damon, Bonnie registers, that's definitely Caroline.

'Why?' Bonnie groggily asks

'Because you have some explaining to do,' her friend starts ranting. 'You disappear for two days, and I didn't know where you were. And then I come here to find you here. Did you know that Damon's dancing around in the kitchen?'

'Oh my gosh, Care,' she starts to complain, 'it's too early in the morning, can we _not_ do this?'

Who comes to someone's house so early in the morning, goes to their bedroom to wake them up, just for the sole purpose of discussing a person that they happen to dislike?

'It's eleven,' Caroline quickly retorts, 'and no, we _are_ doing this, because you're my only person, Bonnie. Elena's really busy these days, and I'm obviously not talking to Stefan, so you're my only person.'

There's one thing that is for sure, and that's if she doesn't get up from bed, Caroline will keep pestering her anyway, so she might as well. She begrudgingly forces herself to lift her body off the bed, into a decent enough position.

'I get that,' she agrees, 'but…'

She still feels like Caroline shouldn't have woken her up like she did. She can sympathise with Caroline, though, she thinks as she opens her eyes. She knows too well what it's like to have that one person as your only person, and how constricting it feels, to feel like that your only person isn't by your side, like they need to be.

'What can I do for you?' she decides after a good look at her friend.

'Can you do the eulogy tomorrow?' Caroline asks. 'I know it's last minute, but last night when I tried to write one, I just… Can you do my mom's eulogy?'

She? Do a eulogy? For Liz?

No, she immediately refuses the idea in her head. She's not comfortable with doing a eulogy. Of course, she has some memories of Liz, but still, she doesn't feel comfortable writing an eulogy just like that.

'Did you ask Elena?' Bonnie wonders, actually hoping to be relieved of being an option.

'No,' Caroline shakes her head. 'I'm asking _you_.'

Following her friend's lead, she also starts to shake her head. While they've all known each other since they were younger, she feels that specifically for the eulogy, Elena will be able to do a better job. Without all of her memories, she feels a little inadequate to do anything.

'I'm not the right person to do it, Care,' she tries to reason while staring into the eyes of her friend. 'Can't you ask Matt, or someone else?'

'I'll do it,' a male voice suddenly says.

Bonnie recognises it as Damon's voice, and feeling thankful for the offer to take the weight off of her, she searches for him with her eyes at the door, where she finds him. As their eyes meet, she sends him a small smile of greeting, and although he somewhat returns it, she can tell that his heart is not in it. There's just something about him...

'I didn't ask you to,' Caroline snubs him, pulling a face too.

'Liz was a friend of mine,' Damon responds, his tone not changing. 'I want to do it. I'm not going to force it, if you really don't want me to do it.'

'Just let him do it,' Bonnie pleads with Caroline.

'Seriously?'Damon?' Caroline softly cries, looking torn about it.

'I can't do it, Care.'

There's a moment of a struggle, where Caroline's facial expression changes, from looking torn to being hurt, and then finally, after wearing the hurt look for long enough, she closes her eyes, resigning.

'Fine,' she quietly accepts, 'but this doesn't earn him any points in my book, so he shouldn't go thinking that it does.'

'He can hear you,' Bonnie says at the same time that Damon releases a dry, 'Got it.'

'So you may go now,' Caroline harshly says to him, not even bothering to turn around and face him.

'Caroline…' Bonnie fondly warns her friend.

Why does she dislike Damon so much? Fine, she can hate Damon, but she shouldn't be as rude as to kick him out for no reason. This is his house, after all.

'What?' Caroline shrugs, uncaring about saying what she said. 'What else does he want? He doesn't sleep here.'

'He's my friend,' Bonnie tells her, but her eyes, she fixes on Damon. 'I want him here.'

She wants him to know that she has no part in Caroline's words. She does want him here even if he doesn't sleep here, and it's important that Damon knows that. Caroline, on the other hand, as though attacked by something invisible, jumps back just slightly, making it so that she is no longer facing Bonnie, but the direction of the door.

'Well, if _he's_ staying, I'm leaving,' she bitterly announces. 'I have stuff to do anyway.'

To Bonnie, it seemed like a joke, like a cry for attention, but when Caroline flees from there, leaving the space she'd been occupying, empty, it registers in her brain that her friend hadn't been bluffing. And by the time that Bonnie's gathered enough command to get up from her bed, Caroline's long gone.

'Wow,' she blinks to make sure that everything is really what it seems, 'she really left. I didn't think she would.'

She stands up from the bed, doing so, while partly waiting for Caroline to re-appear, and partly expecting to hear Damon make a comment about how it's better for him, that she's gone, but none of the two things happen. Because of that, she fully turns her attention to Damon, trying to see if something is wrong with him.

'What is it, Damon?'

She's asking, because she's looking at him, and she can see that he's looking at her too, only, it's as if he's not really seeing her. She knows him well enough to understand that something is on his mind, and he probably does not know how to speak about it.

'Last night...' is the only reply he gives for a starter.

She can't have him say just that, so she urges him to give her more information by asking, 'What about last night?'

It can't be good if he needs her to fish it out of him. It can't be good if he's suddenly looking around the room as if looking to find something unexpected. And it definitely cannot be good, if he's now turned his eyes back to her, and his face has on the expression of guilt, maybe?

'It doesn't matter,' he shakes his head, suddenly changing his mind.

'What do you mean, it doesn't matter?'

'It just doesn't,' he insists, cocking his head to the side, probably to make it seem like a harmless thing. 'I think you should go after Caroline. She came here for a reason.'

' _You_ ,' she stresses, narrowing her eyes at him, 'came in here for a reason.'

'Not really,' he denies with a soft shrug.

What's wrong with him anyway, she wonders, why is he acting all serious and mature? Where between their dinner last night and this morning, did he change to this? And this? Really? It's obvious that he wants to tell her something, but he suddenly doesn't feel like telling her what he meant to? Something's not right with him, and if that's really the case, she has to gently rub it out of him.

'Damon, come here,' she beckons to him with her hand.

Because he only stands there looking at her for a moment, she starts to think that he won't do it, but then he surprises her a quick second right after that moment, when he uses his supernatural speed to appear right next to her. She lets out a secret sigh of relief, thankful that he's not that bad along with whatever is going on with him, just as she coils her arm around his, pulling him down to sit on her bed.

'Just tell me what's going on,' she says as adjusts herself in her seat to look at him.

Again, for a moment, he only looks at her as though he can't make up his mind. Just when she thinks to try again, though, he surprises her –again- by removing his arm from hers and then hastily stands up onto his feet.

'I'll tell you later, Bon,' he says flatly. 'I really think you should be with Caroline today. It's her mother's funeral tomorrow, and I really think that she needs a friend.'

Although she doesn't like his attitude, his entire aura today, she can't help it agree that he's right. For Caroline to have come looking for her at home, she must really need something more than a friend's shoulder to lean on.

'You're right,' she gets up as well. 'I should be with Caroline. I think I'll even spend the night with her,' she continues, the animation in her voice picking up. 'I just hope Elena can be there as well.'

In situations like these, the three of them have always banded together to keep each other sane. When her mom didn't return and when Caroline's dad suddenly left, they all came together and were just there for each other. This shouldn't have to be different just because they are older and a few changes here and there have happened.

'I haven't really talked all that much to Elena since we got back, you know,' she remembers. 'I think I'll ask her to come and sleepover too. Caroline needs us.'

'You're going to call Elena?'

She had started to pull the sheets off the bed, getting ready to make it up, when Damon's horrified question makes her stop in her actions. Feeling something -not really sure what- she straightens herself to consider him. Okay, not only did his voice sound horrified at the mention of Elena's name, he also has a look of sheer shock on his face, which to her doesn't make any sense. Unless he had to be there with them, there shouldn't be a reason why he would be afraid of Elena being with her and Caroline.

'I just said that Caroline needs us,' she carefully reminds him, just so he does not miss that part again.

'I heard you,' he replies.

'Then why did you ask about Elena like that?'

'Like how?'

'Like calling Elena's a bad idea.'

'I just…' his eyes starts roaming the room again. 'I uh… The eulogy. I have to go and work on the eulogy.'

'Yeah, but-' she wanted to tell him that having to do the eulogy has nothing to do with his response to Elena, but he doesn't allow her to finish.

'I'll see you later,' he cuts her off with a promise, and then just like Caroline suddenly fled from the room, he does too.

' _Strange_ ,' she mutters to herself after he's gone.

Either he's hiding something important from her, or he still thinks that the subject of Elena is a sore one for her. If it's the last one, then she should really make time to make him understand that Elena isn't a sore subject, it's only when it comes to him, and how she remembers him from the beginning, it matters to her that he is honest about him and her to her. Just so that she knows and doesn't make a fool of herself.

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

By the time that she makes it to Caroline's house, she finds Caroline sitting by herself in the garden. It's a sad thing to admit to herself, having been through a loved one's death herself, although not remembering any of it, but she can't imagine what her friend has been going through. Ever since getting back, she's been all about Damon, that she didn't give her friends proper attention. At least now that she has her magic back, and she feels like an old part of her has returned, she can give a shoulder to the one friend who needs it.

'Hey,' Bonnie gets Caroline's attention. 'Can I?' she shows to the empty space next to Caroline.

'Sure,' Caroline responds, trying to smile.

'You know, with all of my problems, I didn't _really_ get the chance to ask how _you're_ doing.'

The truth is, Caroline didn't actually give her the chance to ask about how she's really doing. Not even with Stefan, did Caroline allow Bonnie the chance to ask questions. What she's been doing, is bringing up little pieces of information, and then making excuses to leave or change the subject.

'I'm fine,' Caroline tries to assure her, exactly proving the point in Bonnie's mind.

'Caroline,' Bonnie pushes, placing her hand on her friend's shoulder, 'you don't have to pretend with me. _How are you_?'

'I'm fine, Bonnie,' Caroline responds. 'Really, I am. I mean, the whole Stefan thing is...'

'What?' Bonnie wants to know.

'Nothing,' Caroline answers, her head shaking.

'Come on, Caroline, you told me that you have feelings for him, so _talk_ to me. This obviously isn't okay for you, so I don't know how you can be fine.'

As if to make Bonnie believe her, Caroline takes the hand on her shoulder into her own, gently squeezing it.

'I'm fine, Bonnie,' she says. 'Really. I would've liked that you came with me to Amsterdam, but you can't, and it's fine. _I'm fine_.'

'Then why are you sitting here by yourself with that look on your face?'

'Because I'm thinking,' Caroline simply says, 'that's all.'

She's thinking. Okay, she will accept that, because those moments do come up in life. If Caroline really doesn't want to talk to her about Stefan and her mother's death, then she will respect that. From her own experience, she remembers how she didn't want to talk to Stefan even though he was there, only to Damon. Damon...

That's probably it, Bonnie thinks while she looks at her friend. Maybe Stefan is Caroline's Damon, and she doesn't want to talk to anyone else, but Stefan about how she feels. Maybe she doesn't want anyone else to ask her how she feels, before Stefan talks to her and knows how she feels. If it's like that, then she understands now.

'Hmm,' Bonnie lets out the small sound of acceptance.

'I was actually thinking about how different _you_ are,' Caroline tells her, but it's the testing tone in her voice that catches Bonnie's attention.

' _Different_?'

Caroline nods to answer the question, 'Not bad different. Not really, but you're different from the Bonnie who died months ago.'

She only nods, because she doesn't want to say that she lost her memories, and so the difference. Stefan knows, because Damon trusted him to look after her, but she's not comfortable with anyone else knowing that about her. She still feels like she needs to find her feet. And if that does not happen, she'll have to fake her way through life with her friends.

'You know that you can trust me, right, Bonnie? If you want to talk about something?'

Again, Bonnie only nods, appreciating the offer, but knowing that she won't be using that offer.

'I mean it,' Caroline insists. 'If there's something that happened in 1994 that changed you, and you want to talk about it, then you can _trust_ me.'

'Thank you, Caroline,' she replies, to which Caroline suddenly bursts out laughing.

'Oh my gosh, Bonnie, you don't take hints, do you? I'm practically begging you to tell me what happened, and you're just holding it in!'

'I'm sorry, I didn't realise,' she replies with a sheepish smile.

She really didn't realise what Caroline was trying to get her to do. It just seemed like a friend being there for a friend, a friend being concerned, not nosy.

'So?' her friend pushes for an answer. ' _Did_ something happen?'

Looking away, out in front of them, at nothing in particular, she absently moves her head as she briefly goes through all the 'somethings' that happened in 1994. There are so many things that happened in 1994, memories that she cherishes and would never like to lose. She lost her memories, the ones before the new memories that she made, but she can't tell Caroline that. She doesn't want anyone else to know that.

'Something did happen, yeah, but it's okay now. I'm _okay_.'

A silent time passes, where none of them say anything, that is until Bonnie looks at Caroline, curious to know what reply Caroline has to that. To be honest, she's actually surprised that Caroline hasn't been inquisitive about Damon at all. What with the comments that she made at the coffee shop, and even before that, it's a wonder that Caroline hasn't grilled her about Damon yet.

'Did you ever think?' Caroline finally releases her hold on, and looks out to the open. 'You and Damon?'

'Me and Damon?'

She asking, because Caroline's voice suggests that she's talking about more than just friendship between the two of them, and would like to sure that they are having the same conversation.

'What did I tell you, huh?' Caroline answers her, almost sympathetically. 'Those Salvatore boys have a way of sneaking into your system. And then from there, it's that whole chemistry, biology thing... X and y, you know... Boys and girls, and chemical reactions. Even math has x and y. And English. X and y... Boys and girls. Like that song, Boys and Girls, remember?'

What? Just, _what_?

Feeling both confused and tickled to laugh, Bonnie mockingly checks for Caroline's temperature on her forehead, simultaneously asking, 'Are you okay, Caroline? Because what you're saying is kind of _very_ senseless.'

Okay, sure, she grasps what her friend is more or less suggesting, but the way that she said it, just didn't really make all that much plausible sense.

'I'm fine,' Caroline says. 'And you know exactly what I mean.'

Lowering her hand from Caroline's forehead, Bonnie can't help it point out that, 'Okay, I just didn't expect that from you. I mean, you practically _hate_ Damon.'

'I don't hate him,' Caroline shakes her head. 'It's just... If I show him that I can tolerate him, then he'll let it get to his head. Just... Bonnie, be careful, okay? Damon and Elena have this history between them, and I still believe that he wouldn't hesitate to choose Elena over you.'

She nods, but secretly hopes that Caroline is wrong. Damon said that he would make her his second priority.

'Look, I've watched Damon with you, and I really _do_ think that he cares about you... Whatever happened over there, he obviously cares about you, but maybe it just isn't enough. I just need you to be careful with him. You can tell me that you don't have feelings for him, but I just need you to not have your heart broken.'

'Do you think I should tell him?' Bonnie spontaneously asks, biting her lip, just waiting to be told what a bad idea it will be. 'There's this... This thing attaching us, and I want his side to be real without that thing, but I don't know. I just wonder if I should tell him.'

About how she feels, she means. She wonders if she should get it out into the open, so she can stop living in this hopeful life of expectation, and then being hurt and disappointed when it doesn't work out the way that it she hoped that it would.

'Oh, no, Bonnie. I can't tell you what to do,' her friend apologetically tells her. 'I can't even do that myself, so... I'm sorry.'

'Yeah,' Bonnie accepts. 'Thanks for caring.'

'I'm here for you.'

'Speaking of being here for you,' she quickly changes the subject, 'I was thinking that the three of us could spend the night here. With Elena. I know it's not necessarily the best circumstances, but I think we should be here with you tonight.'

Caroline looks uncertain at, but at least she still agrees with a short, 'Sure.'

* * *

 **26Chapters**

* * *

Where does she even begin in this hospital? Where does she find Elena, to take back with her to Caroline's? It's so weird being in a place that she has probably visited many times before, but has no real memory of. Who does she even ask for Elena? One of the nurses, maybe?

She lets a breath, preparing herself to do this, also reminding herself that life will look like this from now on.

Without her memories, she'll enter places and miss the faces of people that she knows. She'll go through town and school, wondering if the person staring at her, is waiting for her to fulfil a routine that she used to have with them, or if they are just being creepy. Or admiring.

Oh gosh, it's going to be so hard.

What is she going to do about it? Keep depending on Damon to guide her through this life? Will she keep doing what she's doing now, standing in the entrance of the hospital and hoping that someone calls her name as enough of an invitation to move? She doesn't really remember being dependant on someone like that, and she doesn't want to start, so she'll just have to gather herself together.

'You've got this, Bonnie,' she softly encourages herself, the last push to get going.

She then takes relatively normal steps into the hospital, being very conscious not to look around too much and too hard, and then have people look at her suspiciously. To look like she has everything under control, she has to walk as normally as she can calculate, while being just the right amount of attentive to spot any person that she might know, to ask about Elena. She makes it to reception successfully, and just as she is getting ready to talk to the lady there, from the corner of her eye, she sees a face that she seems to recognise.

Not all that sure that it's who she thinks it is, she turns away from the reception attendant, to her left. She'd been right, she realises, that is the woman who came with Enzo, to get her from 1994. As far as she knows, she's getting married to Alaric, one of Damon's closest friends... And she also happens to be Kai's sister.

'Hey...' she hurriedly calls before the woman makes it too far away from her. 'Um, Jo, right?'

Jo, in her white coat, turns in her direction, and immediately a look of surprise crosses her face. It disappears after a small minute of looking at her, and Bonnie can only assume that she now recognises her. Thank goodness for that.

'Bonnie,' Jo finally gets out of her mouth.

'Yeah,' she answers, walking the small distance to the other woman.

'How have you been?' Jo wants to know, her eyes running over Bonnie's body.

'Oh, you know...' she shrugs, not really wanting to get into that. 'Um, do you know if Elena is here?'

'Somewhere in this hospital, yes,' Jo tells her, her finger pointing around. 'Her service is supposed to end in thirty minutes, I believe.'

'Oh, thanks. I wasn't sure that I'd find her here. Um, I'll just wait for her, I guess.'

'You can wait in my office, if you want.'

'Thank you,' Bonnie says. 'I'll look around for it.'

If Elena still have thirty minutes left, Bonnie might as well use the time in between to wander around the hospital and kill time.

'Okay,' Jo agrees before taking off.

Taking that to be a goodbye of sorts, Bonnie goes off in search of the office. She looks around as much as she can, mentally filing away the different patient departments in case she needs to return here in the future.

She wonders which room Liz had occupied.

It must have been so hard for Caroline to come into this place, day after day, possibly after classes, to see her dying mom. No one should have to go through that. It's bad enough that hospitals have this unforgettable smell...

Anyway, with the help of two or three people along the way, she eventually finds Jo's office. Walking into it, she finds that it's not impersonal exactly, but it's hugely lacking in the personal department. There's a picture of Alaric on her desk, and some ornaments, but nothing else. There's nothing wrong with having an office like this, though, because she guesses that no one wants to have a home-like office in a hospital. It would just be a sick kind of thing to do. In a way.

She takes a seat in one of the waiting chairs, and before she knows it, the office door is opening to let someone else in. At first, she thinks it's Jo, but the very excited, 'Eeeeeeeee! Bonnie!' that fills the room, says otherwise; it's Elena. Elena, who is apparently very happy to see her.

'Hi, Elena,' she lifts her hand in a wave as she starts to get up.

Elena ignores the greeting, opting to do something that Bonnie would have only expected of Damon (just because), which is get to her in an instant, and attack her with a fierce hug that she hadn't been prepared for. It's not an unwelcome thing, though. It feels good to be hugged like she matters like this.

'I'm so sorry that I haven't been spending time with you,' Elena says to her, tightening her arms. 'I've just been so busy with school.'

'It's okay, Elena. I haven't exactly been available either.'

'Still... I could have made the effort,' Elena persists, gradually easing out of the embrace to look at her. 'So, what have you been up to?'

Shrugging, she says, 'Nothing much. What have _you_ been up to?'

She finds that with people, it's easier to stray away from herself, and rather ask about them as a way of finding out the information that she doesn't have.

'You mean between boy troubles, Ric's wedding, Kai and school?'

'And Liz's death,' Bonnie supplies.

'And that too,' Elena agrees with a nod. 'It's just been so many things at once, you know.'

'I know, but Caroline's been feeling alone. I haven't really been there, and neither have you, and she needs us. She's got boy troubles too, you know, but her mom died, so it's harder for her.'

'I know,' Elena sadly agrees. 'I wish I could make her feel better. But she's not talking about it.'

Maybe she's not talking about it, because doing that, makes her feel better than living in reality. She can't use her relationship with Damon as a comparison, but in a way, thanks to her relationship with Damon, Bonnie can understand Caroline's point of view on life at the moment.

'Just let her,' she encourages Elena. 'She's not ready yet, but she's doing her best to handle it. She did make all the funeral arrangements by herself. The only thing that she couldn't do, is the eulogy. She asked me to do the eulogy, and if Damon hadn't offered to do it, I would be writing one right now.'

Elena's face changes to that of surprise for some reason, and Bonnie wants to know why.

'What?'

'Damon?' Elena frowns. 'How did that happen?'

That's what she's worried about? Okay...

'Oh, um... I'm kind of living at the boarding house at the moment. Both of them came to see me at the same time, and Damon offered.'

'Why are you living _there_?' is Elena's question, the frown on her face deepening.

Bonnie would have thought that Elena would say something in connection to the eulogy, she doesn't know, even just any small comment about Caroline having one less thing to worry about tomorrow, not about her living arrangement. The things that Elena's worried about, really. It throws her off mental balance for a second, that it takes a few more seconds to regroup and give her friend a nonchalant answer.

'It's nothing,' she dismisses. 'I had a small accident while I was with Damon, and he didn't want me to leave, because of it. It's only temporary.'

There's a funny look on Elena's face, no longer the frown, when she asks, 'Are you sure?'

Is she sure about what, living with Damon? What's there to be sure about it? She's living with him, it's just a thing that's happening.

'I've lived with him before,' she reminds Elena. 'It's actually quite easy.'

And comforting. And he does these spontaneously wonderful things that make her feel unreal warmth within...

'I just mean...' Elena seems to be reasoning. 'Okay, yeah, you've lived with him in 1994, but... Wouldn't it be awkward?'

Like she said, she's lived with Damon before, so how awkward can it get, really? What, did Elena not just hear what she said? If it would've felt awkward to her, she would've mentioned it, when she pointed out that she lived with Damon before. Still, though, she's curious to understand what Elena means.

'Awkward how, Elena?'

'I just mean...' her friend starts. 'It feels like he's just being responsible for you. You got hurt while you were with him, so it's only right that he feels responsible for you. Wouldn't it be awkward being there, just because he feels responsible to look after you? It's like not really being wanted there, but you kind of have to be there, you know. It's kind of awkward.'

Wow. Just wow.

She doesn't know how exactly Elena means that 'awkward' thing, because it doesn't really make logical sense in the way that it should, but the point it, Elena's explanation has started turning wheels in her head. It may just be stemming from a place of insecurity in her relationship with Damon, also just expecting that he will disappoint her if she gives in completely, but, what if really, Damon's just feeling obligated to look keep her there, because he's responsible for her?

 _I screwed up, Bon_. Isn't that what he had told her?

 _Isn't this what you want from me_? That wasn't exactly him saying what he wanted with and from her.

How could she have been _so_ stupid? Damon is just feeling responsible for her, thinking that if he hurts her, something bad will happen to her, and it will all be his fault. Realising that, she wants to let out a laugh, the kind that is of disbelief and accompanied by a teary look in the eyes... She can't believe herself. How could she have been so stupid? She made a fool of herself, asking Damon not to hurt her, when he already literally made the decision to be responsible for her life. Just how stupid will she continue to be?

Just this morning, he wanted to tell her something, but he must have thought better of it, after going over it in his head, and coming to the conclusion that he would hurt her with whatever he had to tell her. All of the little things that she didn't notice about and concerning him before, are finally starting to fall into place, and she doesn't like the places that they fall into.

But how could she have been so stupid?

Why does everything about Damon always come from her friends?

And worse, why does information from her friends always make her feel incredibly stupid?

'You're right,' she finally says to Elena. 'It would be awkward. I should go home.'

She _should_ go home, there's nothing else to do about that. It makes her heart ache that it has to be done this way, though. It really makes her heart ache.

'Come back to the dorm,' Elena suggests. 'I miss you there.'

* * *

Chapter 23, **You're Still You.**


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